A reminder that John Brewin’s report has landed. Thanks for reading this MBM. Nighty night!
He’s then asked if his half-time substitutions were designed to bring more height to the team. “That had nothing to do with it. It was more to bring three fresh ones. At 4-0 I could have changed all eight others as well.” Is Lisandro Martinez’s height an issue? “I don’t think it was the issue that we conceded four goals. I just mentioned, individual mistakes. As a team we are in a difficult process. Of course we expected a different start, but what happened in the past, last season, has been brought into this season, and we have to change that really quickly. We need new players, quality players, and we are working on that. We have to serve higher standards than we did today.” Liverpool up next at Old Trafford on Monday 22.
Erik ten Hag talks to Sky. “It is difficult for me. It is always a surprise when you start a game like this. After 35 minutes we conceded four goals. This is not possible. The team has to take the responsibility, I feel really sorry for the fans who did everything to support us, we let them down. They are good players, and have to take responsibility on the pitch, as a team and as individuals, and that’s what we didn’t do. I asked them to play with belief and take responsibility for their performance, and that’s what they didn’t do. We have to work on that. It’s only when we stick together and work hard that we will overcome that. You have to take belief onto the pitch for yourself and the team. Don’t get me wrong, the manager is responsible as well, he has the main responsibility, and I take that. And I will work on that. I have to give them belief, but they have to give it by themselves. [The first two goals] are individual mistakes … that cannot happen at this level, and we have to take the lesson. You have to stick to the plan, and move on. Mistakes are part of football.”
Erik ten Hag will presumably be along in a minute. Meanwhile, here’s John Brewin’s verdict on a humiliating evening for the new manager’s side.
Thomas Frank is up. “"It is amazing how this group of players keep giving me and the fans memories for life. It is crazy. It is a fully deserved win against Manchester United, who have top players … we were aggressive and brave and pressed hard up the pitch … we were very good on set pieces … we played to our strength with the longer balls … we have not outplayed one of the top-six teams, we had to be pragmatic … it doesn’t always go like this, but today it did … every set piece is a chance.”
Did they deliberately target 5ft 9in Lisandro Martinez with long balls? “We knew that more likely we’d win it or the second ball round it. We looked at what Brighton did well against them. We went hmm, we knew we had that weapon.”
David de Gea asks to speak to Sky. “I want to take my responsibility today, I think I cost three points to my team. It was a poor performance from myself. After the mistake and the second, it was very tough for the team. It was a horrible day. Of course we should react better, but I should have saved the first shot, and probably the result would be different. Maybe I have to read the game better and kick it long, maybe I shouldn’t have played to Christian, I should read better today. We are not like teams who concede one goal but then win 5-1, 6-1. This is why I think I cost today three points. It was an easy save, and it was 1-0 for them, and I feel already that it was going down, down and down. Of course we have to react much better. It was a poor performance. It’s easy to play pre-season, you play for nothing, but when you play games that matter you need bravery, to be more consistent, and be proper players. In my case, it wasn’t the case today, and I need to keep working. Head up, and stick together as a team. We have a lot to learn from a new manager.”
He’s then asked if he has any idea how United turn this around. After a pause of nearly five seconds, he says “I’m not sure, to be honest … stick together, work hard and learn what the manager wants … let’s play for this badge, for the club, with our lives.”
That’s an extraordinary interview. Perhaps a little too honest? Poor chap looked utterly crestfallen.
Ivan Toney talks to Sky … “The hard work and togetherness showed what we’re about, and we fully deserve the three points. It’s right up there, but it doesn’t stop there, we hope to do the same against Fulham. We knew the high press would affect them. We know they’ve got great talent, but when you work hard and run all over them, then the result shows what we are capable of.”
… and so does Mathias Jensen. “We were on top of everything. They couldn’t cope with our press, or our long balls, picking up the second balls. We did everything excellent and you could see they were struggling.”
With Hey Jude blasting out of the speakers, Brentford celebrate a famous victory. United meanwhile trudge off, every face a study in misery. Erik ten Hag has an awful lot of work to do to make it better, better, better, better, better, better oh. His team were a risible shambles in the first half, rising to borderline competent in the second. The scoreline doesn’t flatter Brentford at all: their press was outstanding this evening, and much better teams than United would have struggled to live with it. Anyway, that’s Brentford up to third, while United … well, it’s only two matches in, the table doesn’t really mean much, let’s leave it at that.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 2 | Arsenal | 2 | 4 | 6 |
| 3 | Brentford | 2 | 4 | 4 |
| 4 | Newcastle | 2 | 2 | 4 |
| 19 | West Ham | 1 | -2 | 0 |
| 20 | Man Utd | 2 | -5 | 0 |
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FULL TIME: Brentford 4-0 Manchester United
There’s just enough time for McTominay to nearly get himself sent off, needlessly clattering into Baptiste and risking a second yellow. Then the whistle goes on a memorable evening for Brentford, a chastening one for United.
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90 min +4: Fernandes swishes an irritable arm in the direction of Henry, and is booked for his trouble.
90 min +3: It’s also the first time since 1992-93 that United have started the season with back-to-back defeats. That didn’t end too badly for Alex Ferguson’s side, though you’d get good odds on history repeating itself this time round.
90 min +2: This will be United’s seventh straight away defeat in the Premier League, after last season’s losses at Manchester City (1-4), Everton (0-1), Liverpool (0-4), Arsenal (1-3), Brighton (0-4) and Crystal Palace (0-1).
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90 min +1: On Sky, co-commentator Gary Neville awards player of the match to Bryan Mbeumo, scorer of Brentford’s fourth.
90 min: There will be four added minutes. Here’s Simon McMahon: “Well, I think this second half has proved beyond all doubt that Manchester United are back, baby.”
89 min: Rashford is booked for bringing down Baptiste as Brentford look to counter. One for the team, because United were light at the back there, and Baptiste had team-mates with him on the charge.
87 min: To the high amusement of the Brentford fans, Eriksen departs early and is replaced by Van de Beek.
86 min: Ronaldo attempts a curler from 25 yards. Easy for Raya.
85 min: Ronaldo fails to clear the corner with a header, then allows Janelt to turn him this way and that. Janelt shoots from a tight angle. Maguire hacks clear.
84 min: The resulting free kick is looped into the box, earning yet another corner out on the right.
83 min: Onyeka took a whack there, and needs a fair bit of attention. Looks like he’ll be good to continue, though.
82 min: McTominay gets his traditional yellow, taking a heavy touch, then hacking down Onyeka as he made off with the ball.
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81 min: Henry creams a rising shot towards the top left. De Gea shows safe hands. United go up the other end, Malacia’s low cross from the left sitting up for Eriksen, who pulls his shot wide right from ten yards.
80 min: Norgaard and Hickey are replaced by Onyeka and Sorensen.
78 min: Not sure who takes the free kick for Brentford. Just as well, really, because it’s utterly appalling, sliced across the face of the United box, nowhere near the players lined up waiting to cause bother. United clear easily.
77 min: McTominay bowls Toney to the ground out on the Brentford right. Free kick, and another chance for the hosts to sling one into the United mixer.
75 min: A cross into the Brentford box from the left. Dalot challenges at the far post, forcing Henry into the concession of a corner. Norgaard clears Eriksen’s delivery.
74 min: Brentford make a double change: Mbeumo and Jensen are replaced by Baptiste and Wissa.
73 min: Ronaldo skies a long-range effort. RIoF (3) and (4).
71 min: A big performative sigh from Sky co-commentator Gary Neville, who has just realised he’ll have to deconstruct this fiasco on Monday Night Football. Meanwhile fans unfurl a banner demanding the Glazers sell up.
69 min: Thomas Frank again with the tactics board. His team are four up with just over 20 minutes to play, and still he has notes!
68 min: … and that’s drinks.
67 min: … so having said that, Rashford pulls back a cross from the byline on the right, Eriksen heads towards the top left, and Raya clasps the ball.
66 min: Fernandes dribbles into the Brentford box down the inside-left channel. Hickey tackles him out of play at the expense of a corner, from which nothing comes. Raya has yet to be forced into serious action.
64 min: United enjoy some more sterile possession. Meanwhile here’s Russell Richardson with the Ronaldo Index of Frustration: “1) wry smile 2) grim lips 3) arms thrown up 4) eyes to skies 5) scowls at Maguire 6) scowls at Bruno 7) blanks ten Hag 8) skips early bath 9) calls Uber 10) calls SAF (from Madeira). We’re somewhere between 7 and 8 already.”
62 min: Brentford make their first switch, Dasilva making way for Janelt.
60 min: United make their fourth substitution, replacing Sancho with Elanga.
59 min: Nothing much comes of the second corner. United try to launch a quick break, but Mbeumo isn’t having it, racing half the length of the pitch to intercept and play the ball back to Raya.
58 min: The corner’s hit long. Toney winds his neck back at the far post, preparing to hammer a header goalwards. Eriksen, who will know a few runs from the Brentford playbook, arrives at the last second to quash the danger, albeit at the expense of another corner.
57 min: Roerslev and Hickey combine down the right to win another Brentford corner. The hosts load the box.
56 min: It’s a little scrappy right now. Understandably so, given the mindset of both teams right now, plus the searing heat.
54 min: United enjoy a little possession in the Brentford half. Malacia’s speculative shot is blocked. They’ve been better since the restart, although the bar is subterranean.
52 min: Another opportunity for Ronaldo, on the end of another Dalot cross from the right. He flashes his header over the bar. This time he betrays his frustration by throwing both hands in the air.
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51 min: Dalot curls a cross into the box from the right. Ronaldo stoops and sends a header wide right. He slams the ground in frustration. That was a decent half-chance for most players, but the sort Ronaldo expects to score. The nearest United have come.
50 min: Sancho sends a simple pass out for a corner on the left. Nothing’s going right for United. The resulting set piece is worked towards Hickey at the far stick. Hickey threads a shot towards the bottom right. De Gea kicks away to avoid being beaten at his near post. Toney then blazes over the bar.
48 min: United then fall asleep at the resulting throw, and are lucky Toney’s cross is no good.
47 min: Mbeumo has the ball out on the left. He’s got Toney and Dasilva free in the middle. United are super fortunate that Varane is switched on, and comes across to block the cross. Brentford would have been in otherwise.
Brentford get the second half underway. United have made three changes. Shaw, Martinez and Fred are hooked; Malacia, Varane and McTominay are on.
Brimming half-time postbag. Oh it’s brimming all right.
“Positively psychedelic, Scott?! I’m having bad trip flashbacks to the 73-74 relegation season” – Justin Kavanagh.
“I don’t like what I’m (not) seeing from Ten Hag as this implosion unfolds, why is he sitting still in the dugout instead of ripping into these players on the touchline, and how has he not taken off some of these clowns yet?” – Michael Moore.
“Bold prediction: Ronaldo launches into a tirade at halftime and in a misguided attempt to exert control, Ten Haag takes him off” – Ted Graves.
“All we need now is the Philippe Albert-style lob of the goalkeeper” – Mike Cormack.
“Turns out Spinal Tap’s latest drummer, Erik Ten Haag, was killed by a swarm of bees. Unfortunately you can’t dust for honey” – Niall Mullen.
“Well, I knew my Everton boys would be in a relegation battle but I never envisioned having a five-goal differential, and counting, lead on Man U. Welcome to the gutter CR7” – Mary Waltz.
“Looking forward to seeing how Jonathan Wilson pins this on Ronaldo” – Kevin Simons.
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HALF TIME: Brentford 4-0 Manchester United
United deal with the corner in competent fashion, an ironic end to an outrageous half of football. As woeful as United have been, Brentford have been wonderful. A team versus a rabble. A stern Erik ten Hag disappears down the tunnel at speed. Ronaldo trudges off pensively. You’d pay cash money to be a fly on the wall in the United dressing room. Where’s the Amazon Prime crew when you need them?
45 min +4: Brentford send a long free kick into the United box. Fernandes heads out for a corner.
45 min +3: Eriksen sends a floated free kick into the box. Easy for Raya.
45 min +2: Hickey shoulder barges Ronaldo, who executes an Olympic standard triple salchow while falling to the ground. He wants Hickey booked, but it’s just a free kick.
45 min +1: The first of four added minutes sees Raya pick a Shaw cross out of the air.
45 min: Brentford ping it around. The home fans indulge themselves with some olés. Some first-half olés.
44 min: Fernandes looks to send a curler into the top-right corner. It’s always heading high and wide, but in the context of their abject first-half performance, it’s by far the best United have had to offer.
43 min: United push Brentford back and probe down both wings. But Brentford hold their shape diligently, and there’s no way through.
41 min: Rashford dribbles down the inside-left channel and into the Brentford box, but there’s nobody in the middle, and Roerslev is giving him no space to shoot. The ball squirts through to Raya. As for Ronaldo telling everyone what’s what during the break? “It’s entirely possible Ronaldo will leave at half time instead,” quips Jeff Necessary.
39 min: After some treatment, and plenty of cold water, Rashford gets back up, good to go again.
38 min: Fernandes pings a pass down the inside-left channel. Rashford chases after it. Raya comes out of his area and shoulders the ball away from the United man, before taking a calm touch and blootering away from danger. Rashford stays down.
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36 min: Ten Hag looks utterly perplexed. Staring into the distance. Nothing to tell his troops. He can’t believe what’s unfolding out there.
GOAL! Brentford 4-0 Manchester United (Mbeumo 35)
Jensen calmly dispossesses Sancho in his own box. The ball’s launched for a quick counter. Toney romps down the left, before slipping the ball infield for Mbeumo. One hell of a pass! Mbeumo’s got a yard on the only defender left in the game. Shaw thinks about taking him down, but he’d get sent off. Instead, Mbeumo holds off his man, and slots powerfully into the bottom left. This isn’t just surreal, it’s positively psychedelic!
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33 min: Eriksen dribbles down the right but his cross is easily blocked. A smattering of boos, but nobody’s particularly energised by it. The home crowd have other things to shout about. “Christian, what’s the score?” they trill.
32 min: Martinez was so easily outfought by Mee there. A penny for Ronaldo’s thoughts. You can be sure he’ll have a few things to say at half-time.
GOAL! Brentford 3-0 Manchester United (Mee 31)
This is a fiasco from United’s perspective, wonderful from Brentford. The corner’s hit long from the right. Toney heads the ball back across from the left. At the right-hand post, Mee stoops but still beats Martinez and taps a header home from a yard out. All of the colour has drained from Erik ten Hag’s face.
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30 min: The free kick’s hit long. Maguire wrestles Jansson to the floor. Hickey wins a corner out on the right. And from that …
29 min: Jensen curls the free kick towards a group at the far stick. De Gea punches clear. Dasilva retrieves the ball and wins a free kick out on the left flank. Another opportunity for Brentford to populate the United box.
28 min: Hickey dribbles in from the right and is brought down by Fernandes, near the right-hand corner of the United box. Brentford load it.
27 min: The game restarts with a goal kick for United. Will they try to play out again? Nope. De Gea launches it. Ten Hag looks perplexed and none too happy.
25 min: … and that’s drinks. Thomas Frank gets out the tactics board. Erik ten Hag by contrast stands stock still, hands on hips, briefly staring at an imaginary object 1,000 yards in the distance. He finally snaps out of it and addresses his rattled team.
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24 min: United stroke it around a bit, to very little effect. Rashford competes for a ball coming in from the right; Hickey calmly shepherds it out for a goal kick. “Who would have thought that reappointing Maguire as captain and building a defence around him, then asking de Gea to play out using his feet would result in a shambles?” asks Adam Roberts, because somebody had to.
22 min: The Brentford fans are enjoying this. “You’re getting sacked in the morning,” they sing. On the touchline, Erik ten Hag has the good grace to look very concerned.
20 min: Ronaldo tries to make something happen down the other end. He drifts in from the right and attempts the spectacular. His effort is always missing high and wide left. Ronaldo might be furious; his team-mates just look shell-shocked.
19 min: BREAKING NEWS: Ronaldo is fuming. It’s breaking news, but it’s not surprising news, is it.
GOAL! Brentford 2-0 Manchester United (Jensen 18)
From the goal kick, Martinez and De Gea try to pass out from the back. Eriksen is immediately stripped of possession on the edge of the box by Jensen, who adjusts himself before sweeping a shot into the bottom left. United are a shambles.
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17 min: Jensen hoicks the free kick over the bar. But no matter, because …
16 min: Eriksen dallies on the ball and Toney goes barrelling off with it, straight down the middle. On the edge of the D, Maguire comes from behind and cleans him out. A free kick, but only a yellow, because fortunately for the United captain, Martinez had reacted well again, and was in close attendance.
15 min: Brentford ping the ball around in confident style. They slip it wide right for Dasilva, whose low drilled cross nearly finds Toney on the penalty spot. Martinez reacts well to poke clear, with Toney preparing to sweep a shot goalwards.
13 min: That was an appalling error from De Gea. A penny for the thoughts of a certain Nottingham-based goalkeeper. Meanwhile Ronaldo is claiming a foul in the build-up, but Jensen looked to have stripped him of possession efficiently.
11 min: United try to respond immediately, but Fernandes hoicks a long-distance effort a long distance over the bar.
GOAL! Brentford 1-0 Manchester United (Dasilva 10)
Brentford swarm United after the goal kick is taken. Ronaldo loses possession, then Dasilva, striding down the inside-right channel, threads a speculative effort towards the bottom right from 20 yards. It should be an easy claim for De Gea, but the keeper allows the ball to squirt through his hands and into the corner. Oh my, what an error.
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9 min: A free kick for Brentford out on the right. They’ll surely lump it in … but Jensen and Norgaard over-elaborate. An intricate training-ground move breaks down, and the ball rolls out apologetically for a goal kick.
8 min: Hickey and Shaw compete for a loose ball. Shaw is a nanosecond later to the scene. For a second, it looks as though the referee is going to brandish yellow, but there wasn’t much in it, and a talking-to will suffice.
6 min: Mbeumo sends the corner in from the right. It’s only half cleared, allowing Henry to take a shot from long range. The ball sails miles over the bar. Early signs, though, that the United defence, smaller than the average, will be regularly tested under a few high balls.
5 min: A throw for Brentford deep in United territory from the right. Jensen flings it in. Some pinball. The United defence panics. Eriksen takes charge and pokes out for a corner.
4 min: United are seeing more of the ball during these early exchanges. Fernandes feeds Ronaldo down the inside right. Ronaldo takes a whack from distance. It’s an easy gather for Raya.
2 min: After a hectic ping-pong start, United put the first move of the afternoon together. Rashford turns into space and feeds Ronaldo down the middle. Ronaldo goes over in the general environs of Mee, and wants a free kick just outside the box, but he’s not getting one.
United get the ball rolling. A fantastic atmosphere at a sweltering Gtech Community Stadium.
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The teams are out! Brentford buzz around in their red and white stripes, while United’s designers show plenty of devilment by sending their men out in neon lime. We’ll be off in a couple of sweat-soaked minutes!
Pre-match reading.
Erik ten Hag speaks to Sky. “We have problems with numbers in offence, but Ronaldo has had two weeks in training, and is always a threat to score goals. The second half last week, when he came on, it made a difference, so I expect that today as well. In the second half we played really well. We have to react.”
Sky presenter Kelly Cates asks Brentford boss Thomas Frank how the “extraordinary” heat will affect the match. His forecast: “Both teams will try to play with as much intensity as possible, but I’m not in doubt that there will be spells when both teams try to rest a little bit, before being ready to go again.”
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Pre-match postbag o’pessimism. “He’s playing Fred?” splutters John Reed. “Must be a misprint. I scored Fred 1/10 last week and that was generous.”
David Wall meanwhile is playing a long game. “People at United are saying that ten Haag has to, and will be, given time. But suppose they lose here. They’ll obviously lose at home to Liverpool, and then Leicester and Southampton are places that they’ve struggled to win at in recent years. Then it would be a resurgent Arsenal who are starting to look like a dangerous and resilient side again. Will that patience remain if they go a couple of months without winning? And should it?”
One way or another, we may come back to reassess these conversational gambits at full time.
Brentford make two changes to the XI named for their opening-day draw at Leicester. Mads Roerslev and Josh Dasilva replace Yoane Wissa and Vitaly Janelt, both of whom drop to the bench.
Just the one change for Manchester United from Erik ten Hag’s first competitive selection last week against Brighton. Cristiano Ronaldo replaces Scott McTominay, who takes a seat on the bench. Christian Eriksen faces his old team.
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The teams
Brentford: Raya, Hickey, Jansson, Mee, Henry, Roerslev, Norgaard, Jensen, Mbeumo, Toney, Dasilva.
Subs: Wissa, Ghoddos, Onyeka, Strakosha, Lewis-Potter, Damsgaard, Baptiste, Janelt, Sorensen.
Manchester United: de Gea, Dalot, Maguire, Martinez, Shaw, Eriksen, Fred, Fernandes, Sancho, Ronaldo, Rashford.
Subs: Malacia, Varane, Heaton, Wan-Bissaka, van de Beek, Elanga, Garner, McTominay, Garnacho.
Referee: Stuart Attwell.
Preamble
Manchester United may not be very good at the moment, but they remain forever box office. Last weekend’s pitiful display at home to Brighton has cranked up the pressure on Erik ten Hag after one match in charge – I know, I know, but this is life in 2022 – and a second successive defeat, while almost unthinkable at the start of the new manager’s supposed honeymoon period, is far from unlikely.
By contrast, Brentford started their sophomore season in the Premier League with a spirited two-goal comeback to salvage a point at Leicester. Accordingly, their spirits are high, while the expectation as minnows is low. None of which serves to help the visitors, who really need to get something tonight ahead of next week’s game with Liverpool. However, say what you will about this United team, but they often produced a big result when Ole Gunnar Solskjaer really needed one. Can they provide similar succour for their new boss? After last week’s debacle, they certainly owe him something. Kick off is at 5.30pm. It’s on!
