Josep Borrell took a deep breath as the train rumbled across Ukraine at the end of his final visit after five tumultuous years as the EU's foreign policy chief.
"I feel a certain nostalgia," the 77-year-old Spaniard said, hunching forward to be heard over the noise of the tracks.
"We've been working closely with these people, who are great people, who are fighting for their survival. And who knows what's going to happen with them?"
The job of EU top diplomat has often been seen as thankless -- trying to coordinate the sometimes radically opposed positions of 27 countries, each jealously guarding their own foreign policy.
But Borrell's tenure -- wrapping up next month -- has thrust him into the centre of some of the most consequential events in recent world history.
He has helped steer the bloc's response to the Covid pandemic, Russia's invasion of Ukraine and war in the Middle East.
It was Moscow's all-out assault in February 2022 that upended European security and came to dominate his time at the helm.
Borrell, a Socialist former Spanish foreign minister with over 40 years of political experience, immediately began pushing for the EU to pay for weapons deliveries to a country at war -- a longstanding red line for the bloc.
In response his service came up with a proposal worth 50 million euros ($53 million).
"I said, crazy, do you know what we are talking about? That's a war. Put a zero behind," he recounted.
"This was a breakthrough in the way we behaved."
Since then the EU has spent billions more on arming Ukraine and Russia has been hit by repeated rounds of unprecedented sanctions despite regular obstacles from reluctant EU states such as Hungary.
While the Ukraine crisis has revealed the EU's willingness to act, the war in Gaza by contrast has been the most painful episode for Borrell.
Since Israel unleashed its devastating offensive after the October 7, 2023 attack by Hamas, the EU has had no influence to curb the suffering, with its member states deeply divided over the conflict.
Borrell has often been an outlier as he has denounced what he views as Israel's excesses, in social media posts increasingly torn between outrage and despair.
He said the refusal by member states supportive of Israel to do more has damaged the EU on the global stage.
"My biggest frustration is not being able to make it understood that a violation of international law is a violation of international law, whoever does it," said Borrell.
"We have become a player on the war in Ukraine. We haven't been a player on the Middle East."
The EU's High Representative for Foreign Affairs is constrained by how far member states are willing to go and a simple statement can take days of wrangling.
Borrell has frequently angered EU capitals by going beyond their agreed positions.
"One has to break taboos," he said. "Agreed language most of the time says nothing. We agree on saying nothing."
He described his job as being like a "propeller" pressing member states towards action, and insisted the EU has to streamline the way it takes decisions.
"This job needs more power," he said. "If change doesn't come, Europe will not be a geopolitical player."
Critics -- and there are plenty in sharp-elbowed Brussels -- say Borrell has not helped his case, with numerous gaffes and some tactical missteps.
A low point of his tenure was a disastrous trip to Moscow in early 2021 when he was caught in a diplomatic ambush and failed to push back against Russia's foreign minister, Sergei Lavrov.
But as Moscow's assault on Ukraine played out he proved a fast learner, said Gabrielius Landsbergis, foreign minister of Lithuania -- one of the Baltic states wary of nearby Russia.
"We witnessed a transformation from Russia-threat agnostic into Russia hawk -- who could very well come from the Baltics," he told AFP.
Borrell has had to cope with a punishing schedule of travel and meetings, criss-crossing the globe.
On his final trip to Ukraine he held talks with President Volodymyr Zelensky, visited a drone factory, and headed to a defensive position near Russia's border.
"It generates a lot of adrenaline," he said, to explain how he has kept up with the pace.
Despite the weight on his shoulders, he said there have been moments of joy.
He pointed to the warm welcome he received on his final Ukraine visit, appreciation from some Palestinians and being able to help repatriate hundreds of thousands of Europeans during the pandemic.
A former university professor, Borrell has unwound by hiking and reading.
On the train into Ukraine, he recited a famous Spanish poem by Antonio Machado, the first line of which goes: "All things pass and all things remain."
"I like to walk quickly and read slowly," he joked.
As he leaves the stage, the global situation looks perilous -- with the election of Donald Trump in the United States heralding challenges for Europe, Russia advancing in Ukraine and war raging in the Middle East.
He repeated his plea for the EU to learn "the language of power".
"If Europe's not at the table, it will be on the menu," he said. "But still it's not clear for many people."
Borrell is set to be replaced in the job by former Estonian prime minister Kaja Kallas, 47, who is expected to bring a more tightly controlled style.
"She will perform very well, and she will be very happy, and she will suffer less than me," he said. "I wish her the best."
