Just when I thought the week couldn’t get worse, the Russians tested out their new missile – Satan Two.
“It begs the question,” said my friend, “What was Satan One? And how did we miss it?”
Indeed. Mind you, round here it could be raining Satan Ones and Twos, even the odd Three, and you would hardly notice, thanks to the general carnage that is unfolding around Westminster and will continue to unfold until it reaches its inevitably messy denouement.
In fact, the only way Mr Johnson could be having a harder time would be if he was riding a Satan Two, Doctor Strangelove-style. Probs have more control over the situation.
Although, as I believe I’ve written here before lately, in spite of the mounting pressure no one can quite work out a way to finish him off.
“First, they were going to make their move after the local elections,” said my friend in the know, “But they don’t look like they’ll be as bad as people say.”
Which is true, by the sound of things. Some Tories say they’ll lose 1,000. Others 800. This is so when they lose 799 it doesn’t sound that bad. So, Mr Johnson could well survive the locals.
“Wakefield is the new one. If we lose there, it’s a good red wall scalp for Labour. They can have some fun with voters coming back to them, the whole thing crumbling, and all that.”
Which is fair, I suppose. Although no date is set, it should follow pretty quickly after the locals, although the timing will be crucial. Too close and it will look like a double-header of failure (should Labour win). Too far and you are drifting into the summer and the momentum to take Mr Johnson out might have dissipated a bit.
Whatever, it’s being marked up as the next big chance and is already ringed in various calendars – in one Maidenhead kitchen in particular.
That’s right. A three-year Shakespearian-type revenge plot is coming to its end. Mrs May has not forgiven her successor for his Brexit betrayals and is increasingly irritated by his behaviour. “Her acolytes are out and about. If they haven’t put letters in, they’re encouraging others to. She might not be on the phones or anything, but it’s not like she’s about to call anyone off.”
For her, like the rest of us, it’s gone beyond being about the politics with Mr Johnson now. The Rwanda thing was the lowest of the low, I thought, then he went for the Archbishop of Canterbury. Quite incredible.
Whenever he finally goes, the state he will leave Number 10 in, the office of Prime Minister and politics as a whole, will be disastrous. I thought Mrs May a poor Prime Minister but she at least had the excuse of being tangled up with Brexit – an unsolvable situation that did for her, as well as Cameron.
Mr Johnson is bad. Dangerously bad. And in his bid to save his skin, cling on for his precious second election, he’s going to do some dangerous things.
Already, Rishi Sunak has been caught in the blast. More to follow.
Anyways, as I write this one of those Labour Party emails just dropped featuring Keir Starmer saying: “Boris Johnson is unfit to lead.”
I know mate, I know. We all do. Tell me – and I mean this in the most constructive of ways – something I don’t know.
