Here's a hot take: "Blonde" is the worst Netflix entry in the tragic icon genre since "Diana: The Musical." Andrew Dominik's insufferable NC-17 adaptation of Joyce Carol Oates' novel of the same name is to Marilyn Monroe what cubic zirconia are to diamonds. One only has to look — hard as that may be — at a laughable, ersatz recreation of Monroe's classic musical number from "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" to get a whiff of how bad this stinker is.
One of the major problems (and there are many) is that Monroe is portrayed by a woefully miscast Ana de Armas, who only barely captures Monroe's breathy voice, often talking in a whisper to simulate it. And she doesn't quite look like Monroe either, other than the signature blonde mane. Viewers might even expect the beauty mark on her face to disappear whenever she cries, which is often.
