Billie Lourd has shared an emotional tribute to late mother Carrie Fisher, seven years after her death.
The 31-year-old actor took to Instagram on 27 December to share a lengthy tribute to her mother, who died of a cardiac arrest in 2016 at the age of 60. The post included a throwback picture of Lourd as a child while she was on a beach with Fisher.
In the caption, Lourd reflected on the seventh anniversary of her mother’s death, before describing her different feelings of grief and how they’ve changed over the years.
“Every anniversary brings a different iteration of my grief,” she wrote. “Some infuse me with rage, some make me cry all day long, some make me feel dissociated and empty, some make me feel nothing, some make me feel guilty for feeling nothing, and some make me feel all of those things all at once. This year when I woke up I felt grateful - or griefull - if you will.”
She went on to acknowledge that her grief has helped her become more grateful for her everyday life and family, which includes her three-year-old son, Jackson, and one-year-old daughter, Joanne, who she shares with her husband, Austen Rydell. Lourd then described some of the moments with her second child that she’s come to cherish, as her grief has pushed her to “soak up every moment of joy as if it were [her] last”.
“Today I was holding my daughter while she was napping in my arms and my eyes welled up with tears of joy. I laughed at myself then cried more cause I was laughing,” she added.
Lourd continued her tribute by expressing how she feels like her later mother is always with her, even though she still misses her. She also explained how she discusses the feeling of her mother’s “presence” to Jackson.
“I felt my mombys presence like the warmth of the sun on your skin on a hot summer day. The kind of warmth where you unknowingly close your eyes and take a slow breath through your nose and grin,” she wrote. “I miss her every day but the cliche is also true - she is with me every day - she infuses my joyful moments with even more joy. As I tell my son, she lives in the stars - and she damn sure makes my life sparkle.”
Lourd concluded her post with a message to her fans who are also struggling with the loss of a loved one, adding: “Sending my love to all my griefers out there. And hoping everyone can feel a little sparkle of griefull among all the feelings grief inevitably brings.”
In the comments of the posts, many of Lourd’s followers praised her tribute to the Star Wars alum. They also expressed how they could resonate with the Scream Queens star’s perspective of grief.
“This could not be better said about grief and the anniversaries of our loved ones we lost it’s exactly how I feel each anniversary of my dad, aunt and my daughters fathers death I send my love out there to you and everyone with that heavy pain of loss xoxo,” one wrote.
“Beautifully said sweet friend,” Kurt Cobain’s daughter, Frances Cobain, added. “Moving with our grief is the most life affirming thing we can do because it is the event that makes life so damn precious. How lucky we are to love people who can break our hearts, for it is the condition of being loved at all.”
This isn’t the first time that Lourd has shared a meaningful tribute to her mother. In honour of Mother’s Day earlier this year, she shared an old photograph of her and Fisher standing side by side, as they each posed with their hands pressed together. She noted in the caption that although she has been a mother herself for nearly three years, she still thinks of Fisher whenever she hears the phrase “Happy Mother’s Day”.
“Even though it’s been over six years since she died, when I first wake up, this still feels like her day - not mine. But as the day goes on I remember it is my day too now. I am a mother to two magical little creatures that I adore to my core and there is nothing that brings me more joy than being their mother,” she wrote. “And even though she’s not here, it’s still her day.”
After referring to Mother’s Day as both her and Fisher’s day, she went on to candidly describe some of the mixed emotions that she still had on the holiday.
“It’s our day now. And that is both sad and weirdly beautiful at the same time. With the magic of life comes the reality of grief,” the American Horror Story star added. “It is all intertwined. Mother’s Day can be many things. So like I say every year. Happy Mother’s Day but also griefy / sad / lonely / estranged / frustrated / etc Mother’s Day! Mixed Emotions Mother’s Day!”
