Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
Darren Rovell is — how do I put this diplomatically — a divisive figure in the sports landscape. He’s a comprehensive reporter whose hustle never ends and helped popularize the sports business beat. He also carries himself online as the living embodiment of #brands and once emailed the University of Michigan to complain about one of its graduate students mocking him online, only to later be mocked online by the University of Michigan.
But what’s undeniable is the former ESPN talking head and current Action Network reporter has an expansive reach and an battle-tested understanding of influence and monetization across athletics. You can find this out for yourself if you’re willing to drop $89 on a Cameo from him. Or you can be like me, write a booze column and wait for your interests to intersect.
This happened back in February, because Darren Rovell, a man who charges nearly four times more for a recorded video hello than Olympic gold medalist, American hero, Figure It Out host and woman who makes Sixpence None the Richer songs play in my head each time I see her, Summer Sanders, founded his own canned cocktail line. Then he sent me some to try for this review.
KickStand isn’t your regular vodka-soda slim can. The baseline flavors are mostly there — lime, pineapple, cucumber and peach — but the twist comes with an infusion of “artisanal spice” aimed at blending elements of hard seltzer and spicy margaritas together in one drink. At 5.5 percent ABV and 103 calories it packs more of a boozy punch than most seltzers or light beers, so we’re already winning in that regard.
Hell, I like a good habanero stout every now and then. Let’s see if the flavor can match the hype.
Charred Pineapple Poblano: B
The scent off the top and the thick lacing of foam across the top suggest that, yessir, there’s some real pineapple juice involved. There isn’t much about the way it smells to give off the hint there’s peppers of anything roasted involved; instead this looks like a vodka tonic with a splash of pineapple. Which, hey, good place to start.
The first sip betrays the carbonation that bubbles throughout. Up front you get a sugary pineapple drink that feels thicker and less crisp than a typical seltzer or canned cocktail. Sipping from the can keeps a little more of those bubbles intact.
That said, it tastes good, if maybe a little hollow? Like there’s something missing after the pineapple fades away, but there’s a sweet, grittiness that lingers. Which, now that I think of it, is a very canned cocktail way to be.
As for heat, it takes a while to show up. There’s a long, subtle aftertaste that slow burns from sweet to warm. I wouldn’t call it spicy, but it’s certainly different enough from anything else that it justifies the marketing. There’s more pineapple than charred poblano, which is the right call.
I’ll cop to the crushability of it. It’s not hard to drink and the dryness of that last lingering bit of pepper invites you back for more. I got through one of these in about 10 minutes on a 16 degree Wisconsin night where roughly a half foot of snow fell. Bring these guys out to an 80 degree tailgate and baby, you’ve got a stew going. I just wish it were a little less sweet and a little more bubbly — even if that would push it back toward the High Noon/hard seltzer market it’s trying so hard from which to stand out.
Torched Peach Chipotle: A-
The first sip kicks off with an unmistakable peach schnapps feel. Like a light, juice-less fuzzy navel. But then come the peppers. It’s not chipotle, but it’s a smooth, medium spice that snaps off the sip with a little tang.
The end result is a whole ride, but it’s a good one. *This* is the level of heat I would have really liked out of the first can. It’s not overwhelming and not even really spicy. It’s just a balance, crisp drink I want more of.
It’s a little sweeter out of the can than poured into a glass, but it still works. The low level of spice invokes a dryness that diffuses the sugar of the juice and really makes this an overall pleasant drink. Honestly, I had no idea what to expect from this. While it doesn’t really live up to the “hot” moniker on the can, it might be the perfect level of spice for a canned cocktail.
Smashed Raspberry Serrano: C-
It’s a wicked disappointment after the Peach Chipotle. This is a Smirnoff Ice flavor that got lost en route to the factory. It’s melted popsicles after spicy food. It’s drinkable but nothing I’d purposefully pull out of a beer fridge or tailgate cooler. It’s excessively not for me.
Roasted Jalapeno Cucumber: B
The sip starts off with that nothing-adjacent flavor before quickly dipping into the cucumber jalapeno. It’s not nearly as subtle as the scent suggests but still strikes a solid balance.
There’s a lot more sweetness than you’d expect. It’s not overly sugary and it plays in well with the organic taste of the cucumber. It’s more refreshing than anything else in the mix pack, so while it’s not quite peach chipotle in my books I can see it being much better on a hot day than the clubhouse leader.
All in all, KickStand’s debut features one great flavor — that hits the spice balance I was looking for perfectly — two decent ones and one that will linger in my fridge for months, waiting to be foisted off upon whichever visitors aren’t in the mood for a beer. I don’t know if I’d do a mix pack again, but I’d drop $12 on a four-pack of the Peach Chipotle in a pinch. Which I can’t do right now, since you can only order online in Pennsylvania and you’d need to buy four of them to get that price break — retail price at the moment is $15/pack.
Still, this exceeded expectations and will only get better as the weather gets warmer. Say whatever you want about Rovell. He makes a decent cocktail, though.
