Welcome back to FTW’s Beverage of the Week series. Here, we mostly chronicle and review beers, but happily expand that scope to any beverage that pairs well with sports. Yes, even cookie dough whiskey.
Last year, Simply made the move from bowling pin-shaped plastic bottles of juice and lemonades to cigarette-jean aluminum cans of hard seltzer and made waves in an ever-expanding ocean. That set the stage for an encore.
Market trends in 2023 dictated it would be one of three things: tequila-based, hard tea or peach flavored. That middle option would have been a natural fit — look out, 2024 — but instead we got a sea of peach mixed with some Simply standbys.
That doesn’t mean the new lineup is just peach lemonade. In fact, this extension leaves its roots behind and there’s nary a drop of lemon in the entire lineup. Instead, we’re getting fizzy Georgia fruit with strawberry, mango and kiwi to fill out the sampler.
The company that forced its way into a crowded marketplace is at it again. Can the sequel live up to a well received debut?
Signature Peach: B
The first sip is gentle peach and very few bubbles. It tastes like a light peach soda with no track of the five percent ABV underneath. That’s about what you’d expect from Simply, whose first go-round of boozy lemonades earned positive reviews because they tasted true to the un-spirited originals.
It’s a little thicker than a seltzer — a little sweeter, a little less dry and crisp — so maybe it’s not as good on a hot day. But it tastes like you want it to taste and is an easy drinker, so it’s a hit.
Strawberry Peach: A-
For real. 17 grams of added sugars hit this 170-calorie mix, or 34 percent of your recommended daily value. It’s very apparent this isn’t a low-calorie seltzer but a full-fledged drink.
There’s no trace of alcohol in each sip; it’s not hard to picture this as a pale Fanta variety. There’s a lot of flavor and it’s extremely easy to gulp. It might be too full bodied to fire through six or seven at a time on a hot day, but that’s a minor complaint.
It’s a little boozier from the can itself, but that’s still a very minor amount of alcohol taste to suggest this is anything but a soda. Once again, Simply has made a canned cocktail that tastes like the carbonated version of whatever you’d buy in its signature bowling-pin bottle.
Mango Peach: A
It blends seamlessly with the peach to create an almost creamy flavor. Like the strawberry, this is candy in a glass. It, somehow, tastes peachy-er than Signature Peach. It’s immensely easy to drink. Pair it with food and it’s gone in minutes.
Kiwi Peach: A-
It smells sweet and inviting, not quite candy and with just enough legit fruit flavor to make sense. Like with the mango, there’s a lot of sugary flavor up front. The fruit is full-bodied and the finish is dry enough that it’s not cloying. It maybe doesn’t hit the heights of the last varietal, but it’s pretty dang close. I could easily go through an eight-back of these on a warm day.
It’s even easier to drink out of the can — sweet and just dry enough to remain drinkable. I don’t think I’d get sick of this. I’m willing to try.
Would I drink it instead of a Hamm's?
Welcome to a new feature on these reviews; a pass/fail mechanism where I compare whatever I’m drinking to my baseline cheap beer. That’s the standby from the land of sky-blue waters, Hamm’s. So the question to answer is: on a typical day, would I opt for Simply’s Peach mix pack over a cold can of Hamm’s?
The Signature Peach? That’s a toss up. But the other three flavors all get the nod. I’ll drink those until I hit a sugar high and/or diabetic coma.
