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Health
By Leah White, Renata Gombac and Anna Moulder

Best friend carries NSW woman's baby in surrogate pregnancy after IVF struggle

Lisa Messenger and Sarah Megginson had been friends for years before their surrogacy journey. (Supplied: Lisa Messenger)

There were few limits to Lisa Messenger's perseverance and willingness to push her body's capabilities in order to become a mother.

Eight years, 18 rounds of IVF and more than half a million dollars is what she has given to her dream of having a baby.

Her obstetrician describes the physical journey as akin to running more than a dozen marathons, with emotional and financial impacts that would "break a lot of families".

But it was ultimately the gift of surrogacy from her best friend, Sarah Megginson, that was able to fulfil Lisa and her fiancé Stevan's dream of having a baby.

A lifetime friendship forged

It seems fitting that Lisa and Sarah's friendship began with talk of a baby more than 12 years ago.

Back then it was Sarah's first child who had just been born, and the women were meeting about a possible work opportunity.

Sarah had called Lisa to cancel her appointment because she couldn't find a babysitter. 

But Lisa insisted she loved babies and encouraged Sarah to bring her bub along to the business meeting in Sydney.

The women clicked and it's not hard to see why. Both have a passion for publishing.

Lisa is an author, magazine founder and entrepreneur who lives in Bangalow on the NSW North Coast and Sarah is a journalist, ghost-writer and editor living on the Gold Coast.

Fast forward seven years and Lisa was a few rounds into her IVF journey when Sarah — now a mother of three — offered to be a surrogate.

Sarah Megginson is the surrogate for her best friend Lisa Messenger's baby boy. (Supplied: Lisa Messenger)

At the time, Lisa was still optimistic about carrying her own baby.

But after 16 failed IVF rounds, she contacted Sarah last year to see if she would still consider surrogacy.

"I did put my hand up and say how's that [surrogacy offer] … going because I'm kind of ready," Lisa said.

"To my surprise and delight Sarah said, 'I would love to', and so the journey began."

Pregnant at last

The first round of IVF with Sarah as the surrogate resulted in a miscarriage at five weeks.

The second attempt, which was the 18th round of IVF for Lisa, resulted in a pregnancy that is now 30 weeks along.

"I'd had 16 phone calls saying no pregnancy this time," Lisa said.

"So when I heard the words, 'You're pregnant' ... [it was] pretty magical.

"Seeing the heartbeat and listening to the heartbeat ... there have been so many tears."

Lisa Messenger's baby boy is due in early August. (Supplied: Lisa Messenger)

Sarah said she loved being pregnant and while her fertility experience had been very easy and straightforward with her husband David, they had many friends' whose experiences were vastly different.

"I had said in the past [to my husband] ... I would love to do this for someone one day," she said.

"So when I came to him and said I was talking to Lisa and I might carry her baby for her — it wasn't a total surprise.

"It was the start of a very serious conversation because there's a difference between, 'I'm thinking of doing this' and, 'Can we please do this?'."

Physical, emotional and financial toll

Obstetrician Dr Drew Moffrey, based at Pindara Hospital on the Gold Coast, has been helping Lisa through her IVF journey.

He said in the 20 years he had been doing the job, he could not recall anyone else having gone through so many rounds of IVF.

"Not many people get into double figures," he said.

"Not many people have the tenacity and perseverance.

"Just the injections and the hormones involved with one round of IVF is significant enough, let alone 16.

"It's like running a marathon. So it's like Lisa ran 16 marathons."

Stevan Premutico, Lisa Messenger, Sarah Megginson and David "Christo" Christopher say they will be bonded forever. (Supplied: Lisa Messenger)

Dr Drew said one round of IVF required three weeks of injecting up to three or four medications per day, sometimes several times a day.

He said there was often a heavy emotional toll associated with a failed round of IVF, not to mention the significant financial cost.

"Many need counselling to deal with the emotional toll," he said.

"It would break a lot of families.

"The financial cost is also a major decision for a couple."

Lisa said she and her fiancé had been fortunate to be able to afford IVF as it "isn't cheap".

But said they had to make sacrifices, including selling their Sydney home, in the pursuit of having a baby.

"We've spent over half a million dollars, but we've made choices like selling our home to fund it," she said.

"It hasn't come lightly ... but it's a pretty big miracle."

Sharing their story publicly

In Australia, surrogacy must be done altruistically and there are only around 100 babies born by surrogacy each year.

The fact it was still relatively rare, and the chance to raise awareness and speak openly about fertility struggles, encouraged Lisa and Sarah to share their story publicly.

"We started to see this little ripple effect [of conversations] happening around us about the amount of people in our circles who have struggled with infertility," Lisa said.

"The conversation has had this huge, extraordinary snowball effect."

Lisa and Stevan's baby boy is due in early August.

They will have their own room in the hospital where Sarah will give birth and Lisa will be involved throughout.

"I will catch the baby boy as he comes out," Lisa said.

"And if we decide to have a water birth, [Sarah and I] will be right in there together."

Lisa said the families planned to remain close, with Sarah becoming "an aunty for life".

"It's been such a long journey … but I honestly couldn't imagine a more beautiful way to bring this baby boy into the world," she said.

A 'phenomenal' gift

Even after decades of working with pregnancies and births, Dr Drew described surrogacy and the gift of "handing over a baby" at birth as "phenomenal".

"I've been doing this job for 20 years and [I've] seen a lot of babies be born but this is one of the most special things to see, a family become whole," he said.

"It gives me goosebumps just talking about it.

"The most magnificent gift anyone can give someone is a child."

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