A Belfast personal trainer is determined to help others after overcoming his own battle with drink and drug addictions.
Paulie Killen is better known as 'The Mindful Coach' and adopts a holistic approach to helping his clients achieve their goals and improve their lives.
The 31-year-old qualified as a PT in May this year, realising a long-held ambition that had been constantly stalled because of alcohol and drug abuse.
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"I wanted to become a personal trainer about eight years ago but my lifestyle derailed everything," Paulie told Belfast Live.
"It started off I was drinking all the time, from when I was about 16.
"I didn't see that as a problem at the time, but I was going out on the Friday and not coming home until the Sunday evening. And I was still the wearing the same clothes.
"I started to party a lot and taking drugs including cocaine and ecstasy. I took acid at times but I was never really addicted to that.
"It was more the cocaine. I turned to drugs to get away from what I was facing in life at the time. It was a way of detaching myself from things.
"Back then, I would have gone out any night I could. I remember times going to watch my mate's football training on Tuesday and Thursday nights, and I would have brought a bottle of cider with me.
"It was a hard time for me."
Paulie managed to get off alcohol and harder drugs such as cocaine and Es, but instead he turned to cannabis which he used as a crutch to get him through his day-to-day life.
"Whenever I stopped drinking and taking harder drugs, I started indulging in cannabis. I would have taken it from the minute i woke up to the time I went to bed," he said.
"Some people don't get addicted to cannabis, but I have an addictive personality so I was indulging far too much. I was basically working to pay for my cannabis habit.
"From the age of 22 to about a year-and-a-half ago I was taking cannabis regularly. I think it was the end of February or March last year when I got off it."
Paulie says a large debt of gratitude must go to former boxer Paddy Gallagher who has supported the 31-year-old through his recovery, and early PT career.
"It was Paddy who helped sort me out. I got chatting to him at his gym and told him I was trying to get off cannabis, and he gave me a free month's membership," Paulie said.
"His business had only opened but that's what he did for me. He got the ball rolling.
"I started doing the boxing training, and that was like a therapy session."
He added: "I am now personal training at Paddy's gym, The Lab Fitness. He has been a massive support. He has been like a guardian angel.
"Even after my partner and I had our baby six months ago, I was feeling constantly tired and rundown and I started feeling anxious with life and slipping into my old ways.
"Paddy met me one day and asked was I all good. I said yes but he could tell and he asked me again. I just admitted to him that I was struggling big time.
"I was feeling down and I felt like quitting the personal training. He just hit me with all this positivity about how the PT-ing had improved my life and how I quit drugs and other bad things.
"He just said you can't give up now, and that I was a good person who had a positive story to tell. He invited me to come into his gym and work from there, and for me to start taking a few classes.
"When that happened, it was like a rocket was stuck up my backside. I was absolutely buzzing to be in that environment.
"I was back boxing and back training and I feel on top of the world. Paddy is a brilliant motivator.
"Without Paddy and Gary Arthurs, I would have been lost. They do regular check-ins with me and we meet up for coffees.
"They are good people to be around and you need that, instead of what I used to do.
"You can sometimes hold yourself back, but you also let other people hold you back. I could have been a personal trainer years ago but it never happened. Another good friend Gerard Rooney always told me to follow up my dream, and thankfully the penny finally dropped.
"I could easily be still taking drugs and getting drunk all the time, but here I am doing the thing I always dreamt of."
Paulie says his lowest period was back in 2016 when he considered suicide as a way out of the darkness that had gripped his life.
He said: "The worst stage was years ago before I had any kids. I knew I needed to get off the drink and drugs.
"I just thought I can't do this anymore. I don't talk about it very much, and I went to counselling back then.
"Not long after that I met my partner who I have the kids with. That was November, 2016.
"I was still smoking cannabis then, because I thought it was helping me get over the harder stuff like cocaine, and even alcohol.
"I then got into a routine and doing family things, and that's when I started realising what I needed to do.
"Fast forward five years or so, it took me time to come to terms with that. Then last March I cut everything out.
"I also cut ties with people who were having a negative impact on my life, and I lost a lot of friends. I had to do that to cut out the bad things I was doing."
Paulie has adopted a 'one day at a time' mantra to his recovery, and admits he has slipped up along the way.
But he says he has the tools to deal with any adversity that comes his way.
"I had one slip-up where I thought I needed to test myself and try cannabis to see if I would be more in control of things," he said.
"I had one smoke and immediately thought, 'what are the f*** are you doing?'. I had been off it almost 18 months.
"I caught myself on straight away and threw everything out.
"Life is good now. The best it has been in a hell of a long time.
"I am thinking clearly and I am not looking for that escape. My escape now is going to the gym and lifting weights or doing a boxing class.
"It is so beneficial for the mental side of things, more than anything. Whereas before I would have been taking drugs.
"I take medication for anxiety and depression and have been on that for about eight years. I was taking those tablets on top of the drink and drugs which was madness.
"The medication didn't even have a chance to work properly and help me."
Paulie says a major turning point in his life came last Christmas when he decided to follow his dreams of becoming a personal trainer.
"I was working in retail for three-and-a-half years and last Christmas was the final straw for me. I kept saying I was going to do the personal training but my addictions stopped me from doing that," he said.
"I meant to do it eight years ago but I was battling addiction back then.
"I reached out to the people at ECA Gym last January and qualified as a personal training in May, and I have been living the dream ever since.
"I always held the ambition of becoming a PT but drink and drugs derailed those plans.
"Back in 2013 I started training with a good friend of mine who knew I was struggling with addiction. He told me back then I should become a PT, but because I was fighting with myself a lot and doing things I shouldn't have been doing."
And now Paulie is determined to help as many people as he can who may be struggling in life.
He said: "I know what a lot of people are going through. I have been there and done it, and you can't bulls*** a bulls******.
"A lot of people have gone down the same path as me so I know how it feels, and hopefully I can help others.
"West Belfast has a mental health problem, and a lot of it is down to people's lifestyles.
"If you are eating bad and drinking all the time, even smoking cigarettes or cannabis like I was. People become addicted without realising it.
"For years I wouldn't have said I was an addict, but now I have come through it I accept I was.
"I was always heavy and depressed when I was younger, but I didn't realise I was depressed. It was only when I was older I realised I was.
"I was eating crap and not exercising. I used to be a good footballer but then the drink and drugs took over. It's only when you get your head out of your a*** that you realise what you were doing."
He added: "I call myself The Mindful Coach. I always preach to people to be mindful of their choices.
"Just be mindful of how your decisions affect your body and mind. That could be the food you eat, drink, drugs, partying. Going out on a Friday and not going home until Sunday.
"I know a lot of people I associated with years ago who are still doing the same thing. A lot of the times I went out and was the life and soul of the party, it was just a front.
"When I went home I took that mask off and just felt depressed.
"I remember one time watching a boxing fight on TV by myself, and I was taking drugs by myself at 4am. Even that wasn't enough to make me realise what I was doing.
"Now I know I am in a better place and I can pass on the knowledge I gained through my own experiences to other people.
"I just get on with my life now. My partner recently said to me 'we are nearly sorted for Christmas, we couldn't have done this if you were still smoking grass'.
"I feel proud when that happens, but I am just getting on with my life now and trying to be the best person I can. And help others.
"I take every day as it comes, and some days are tougher than others. But I have coping mechanisms now.
"I will go for a walk, go to the gym or even have a cold shower. There are ways of improving your mood without turning to drink and drugs."
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