MEHR ALS EIN FUßBALL-CLUB
Bayern Munich have won their last three matches against Barcelona to a cumulative score of 14-2. To put that into some sort of context, here’s the running total from Bayern’s last three games against Real Madrid: 5-8. Their last three meetings with Liverpool: 3-6. Their last three meetings with Milan: 3-8. Their last three meetings in European competition against Eintracht Frankfurt: 2-11. Oh Bayern! And, as a knock-on effect in strict accordance with established playground rules, oh Barça! This is not a good look for an institution that styles itself as Mes que un club. Mes que un club? Mes que un club Mein Loch!
Whichever way you childishly spin it, Barça have a few ghosts to lay to rest when they run into Bayern again on Tuesday. They were beaten 3-0 home and away by the Bundesliga champions last season, cashiered from Big Cup’s group stage in disgrace for the first time in more than two decades. That came hot on the heels of that 8-2 quarter-final defeat in 2020, a thrashing that transcended the simple concept of humiliation, instead moving into the field of avant-garde philosophical abstractions on the nature of trousers. Can they be filled if they’ve already been pulled down? The two icing-on-cake goals scored against his parent club by on-loan Phillipe Coutinho, the man whose transfer to Camp Nou arguably precipitated Barça’s quick decline from champions of the world to laboured scatological joke, suggested yes. Yes they can.
Times change, though, and perhaps payback’s a-comin’. Another player on the scoresheet that fateful night in Lisbon was Robert Lewandowski, who also found the net a couple of times at Camp Nou last September. But in Munich later he’ll be wearing a Barça shirt. Since switching clubs this summer, he’s embarked on a caper of Haalandesque proportions, with nine goals in his first six appearances, three coming against Viktoria Plzen last week. As a result, Barcelona have won their last five straight. Bayern, by contrast, are currently stringing together their worst start in the Bundesliga for 12 years, Lewandowski very much the Sadio Mané to Bayern’s Liverpool. So will the big Pole continue to cast an eerie shadow over his old club by rattling in some more? Or will the ghosts of seasons past emerge to envelop Barça in scoreboard-bothering fashion once again? Erm. The Fiver has completely confused itself now, but we’re pretty sure this isn’t going to end 0-0.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’ve already had messages from the players … they want to get him in straight away, absolutely. I was in a meeting in Cardiff and I was going back up north and my phone was going bananas so I knew something had kicked off. When I watched it, I was in awe of it, it was unbelievable” – Rob Page explains why a rousing oratory from Michael Sheen has got the Wales squad hot under the coler.
HOMECOMING OF THE DAY
“When the family call you home, all you do is simply just show up. Fully committed to your duties and ready for the mission. Let’s do it together lads! To the future!” – we’re all for Carlos Queiroz’s giddy enthusiasm about returning to Iran as manager, but only if he sanctions more World Cup throw-ins like this one.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s David Squires on football’s very normal response to the Queen’s death.
FIVER LETTERS
“I just happened to be glancing through the upcoming Scottish Cup fixtures and noted that the Civil Service Strollers are taking on Fraserburgh this weekend. Is this seeming lack of urgency one of the reasons why the Tories are looking for cutbacks?” – Mark Jones.
“Forget Graham Potter’s new stapler (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs) – what on earth is the new Chelsea manager going to do with that giant A4 pad of football pitch outlines abandoned on his desk by the fastidious Thomas Tuchel, who clearly spent so much time drawing each one by hand there simply wasn’t enough time left to fill them in with actual tactical plans. Paper aeroplanes? Origami seagulls?” – Steve Malone.
“So, Diego Costa was ‘a little scared’ at his ‘not very comfortable experience’ alongside a pack of wolves (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs)? Did anyone ask the poor lupines how they felt having to work with the notoriously quick-to-anger predator?” – Justin Kavanagh.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Justin Kavanagh.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Spurs boss Antonio Conte says he was so moved by the Queen’s death that he joined mourners to pay his respects. “I went to Buckingham Palace because I am a normal person with a heart – to live this situation,” he said. “To live this is for sure a sad moment but at the same time it is a special moment because we are talking about the death of a queen. I will keep this in my heart and my mind for the rest of my life.”
Jürgen Klopp has given his Liverpool players “five days of absolute truth” in the hope they will fly into Ajax like 11 Tasmanian devils on Tuesday evening.
Next, to our business desk [er – Fiver Ed]. China’s biggest banks and state-owned companies have been told to check their financial exposure to Fosun, the sprawling conglomerate that owns assets including Wolves, as the debt-laden group struggles from the impact of downturn in the property sector in its home market.
Rob Page has inked his short name all over a new four-year deal as Wales manager.
Scotland boss Steve Clarke wants his players to remember how to be good at football again. Easy, this managerial lark. “June was the first time we stopped [playing good football],” he sighed in that very Steve Clarke way. “We have to start progressing through these three difficult [Nations League] matches.”
Everton have announced the signing of former Leicester keeper Eldin Jakupovic on a short-term deal, while Brazil winger Giovana has joined their women’s team on loan from Arsenal.
And PSG’s Christophe Galtier reckons Neymar had an epiphany in the summer which has turned him into a cross between James Milner and Picasso. “He had a realisation after last season,” trilled Galtier. “He started the season fit, very fit. We have been trying to put him in the best possible conditions. He’s a creator, an artist and when he’s well physically, he gives back a lot.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Marcus Edwards was always destined for big European nights involving Spurs, even if it’s playing for Sporting, writes David Hytner.
“We had something really special. And when it fell away, that really hurt.” David Dein gets his chat on with Jonathan Liew about his pain at leaving Arsenal, his fears for football’s future and more.
And if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
