FOOTBALL WILL STOP ITSELF
Red flags fluttered all over Europe this weekend, as the modern sport of association football bared its jacksie in brazen style. Ten-in-a-row Bundesliga champions Bayern Munich won 7-0 at Bochum. Paris Saint-Germain also scored seven away as they humped Lille, one of only two clubs to have stopped them winning Ligue Urrrrn in the past decade. Barcelona and Real Madrid also notched big wins on the road, a pair of 4-1 victories against Real Sociedad and Celta Vigo, respectively. The Queen’s Celtic established a two-point cushion over The Pope’s Newc O’Rangers after their fourth straight win, so that’s Scotland done and dusted, you see if we’re wrong. The €uropean $uper £eague clearly wasn’t the answer, but we surely can’t go on like this.
The Premier League, by comparison, is in a relatively healthy state. Sure, it’s been won by the same team four times in the last five seasons. But that team drew yesterday, letting slip two of the 10 points they’re going to drop this season. True, Manchester City still managed to score three away from home, and could easily have had another three, or four, or five, but then the Toon had a couple of other chances themselves, so it’s swings and money-go-roundabouts. Either way, bottom line, City haven’t run away with the league just yet, and we’ll grasp at any straw going. The Fiver has no horse in this race, we’re simply going to need some excitement to keep the blood pumping warm this coming winter, that’s all.
For now, it is *checks notes* Arsenal setting the pace. These are exciting times for the Gunners, whose fans will be further energised by links to the Wolves winger Pedro Neto. The Fiver must counsel caution, however – it’s early days, and they’ll need to beat far better sides than Bournemouth and Brendan Rodgers’ Leicester (we’re saying that while we still can). Look what happened in 2013-14, when Arsène Wenger’s side won eight of their first 10 games and went on to finish fourth in a three-horse race. And who won the title that season? Manchester City, of course.
Those among you who fancy a helter-skelter title chase can draw their own conclusions here, or choose to remain in blissful denial. Up to you. But next spring, you can thank the Fiver for tempting fate when Schalke win the Bundesliga, Reims are popping the champagne in France, and Arsenal and City are pipped to the Premier League title on the final day by Brighton.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“My wife said I look like an 18-year-old kid who is super excited about his new project, and I do feel so excited about playing in the Premier League. If I could, I would play tonight against Liverpool” – at least someone wants to play for Manchester United tonight; unfortunately, Casemiro’s move is yet to be officially rubber-stamped by the pen-pushers at the Premier League.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Football Weekly is here to brighten your Monday, with the podders reviewing all the weekend action as Leeds left Édouard Mendy with football pie all over his shirt.
FIVER LETTERS
“Re: postponement tales (Friday’s Fiver letters). A few years back I took my then-seven-year-old son to his first ever match: Bristol Rovers v Hartlepool. The pitch was clearly frozen but the game kicked off anyway, with the ref calling the players off after just 20 minutes. Hartlepool’s away contingent of around 100, plus our mascot, H’Angus, responded with a barrage of furious hand gestures. My bewildered son asked: ‘Dad, why is that monkey waving at the referee?’. Not the future mayor of Hartlepool’s finest hour, but very funny” – Phil Boult.
“My late best friend and I attended Vojvodina v Pristina in the Yugoslavian first division in November 1987. With most of the 3,000 fans in attendance sheltering under the West Stand roof, we opted for the open East Stand instead. The rain poured all day; my friend and I were shivering for the whole match. Afterwards, we had to go to the nearest shopping mall to warm up a little. Still, it was a great day. Vojvodina won 3-0, playing like Brazil’s 1982 side, and their winger Zoran ‘Jimmy’ Maric scored a hat-trick. I don’t know why but I still remember that day with affection like one of my best days at a football ground” – Bogdan Kotarlic.
“Re: Friday’s quote of the day. Anyone questioning Gabby Agbonlahor’s on-field ‘mentality’ should have a word with Louis Tomlinson” – Matthew Richman.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Bogdan Kotarlic.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
MK Dons have announced that their goalkeeping coach, Lewis Price, will undergo treatment for testicular cancer. “Lewis will have all the time he needs to recover and work his way back to full health,” a club statement said.
Roma midfielder Gini Wijnaldum could miss the Human Rights World Cup after breaking his leg in training. “It’s a bad injury that will keep him away from playing for a long time,” said José Mourinho.
There is, apparently, a game on tonight: Liverpool visit Old Trafford to heap yet another humiliation upon Manchester United. But Erik ten Hag is hopeful that his bunch of loveable cowards might actually put in effort, while Fabinho is motivated, not by bashing United, but by his own team’s poor start to the season.
Manchester City are out of the Women’s Champions League, with former City player Caroline Weir’s goal enough to send Real Madrid through at their expense.
Following Chelsea’s 3-0 defeat at Leeds, Tactics Tommy T helpfully directed Édouard Mendy under the bus, claiming his “huge mistake” was crucial.
Jesse Marsch, meanwhile, is channelling his inner Fred Durst. “There are going to be people that hate me,” hollered the Leeds manager while flipping the bird to the Man.
Aston Villa’s pursuit of Watford winger Ismaïla Sarr has reportedly hit the skids, while Bertrand Traoré has been farmed out on loan to Istanbul Basaksehir.
And $tevie Mbe has his players focused for Villa’s Milk Cup defeat at Bolton on Tuesday. “When the TV cameras come to these games, we know what the outside world are after,” $tevie trilled. “We’ll treat this game with serious importance.”
STILL WANT MORE?
Newcastle v Manchester City was good fun but we must not forget where the money is coming from, argues Jonathan Wilson.
Reflections on the sportswashing derby and the rest of the weekend’s top-flight action are here in the form of 10 talking points.
A host of club legends are gone but Khvicha Kvaratskhelia, aka “Kvaradona”, has Napoli fans daring to dream again, writes Nicky Bandini.
After City’s early WCL exit, could Barcelona now swoop for Euro 2022 star Keira Walsh? All that and more in Monday’s Rumour Mill.
In the Bundesliga, Dortmund 2-0 Werder Bremen (89’) became Dortmund 2-3 Werder Bremen at full-time. How? Andy Brassell can explain.
After a terrible few years, Bury fans are divided over how best to move forward. Will Unwin has more.
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