Now, what can we learn from tonight’s event? Try harder to make the winners show up, probably. And, quite frankly, I don’t have any idea who’ll win at the Oscars. They take place exactly two weeks from today. If you’re game to do this all over again, but longer and louder, I am too. Deal? Good. Goodnight.
And, unless Rebel Wilson has found any more bits of underwear to throw at professional actors, the Baftas are done. The only thing left is to cram in all the awards that weren’t screened.
The weird thing about this is that, unlike the televised awards, all the winners actually turned up for these ones. But if you’re counting, Dune won a bunch of them and we won another. Cherish Oteka’s The Black Cop won best British short film. If you didn’t see it on the Guardian website in January, you can (and should) watch it here.
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THE POWER OF THE DOG WINS BEST FILM. It hasn’t been the runaway awards-grabber that some predicted, but The Power of the Dog has rallied strong in the dying gasps of the night.
Obviously Jane Campion isn’t there, but some of the other cast and crew are. Cumberbatch is now standing in a crowd of people and, yep, he is definitely the colour of a saveloy. But the speech gets to run and run and run and run and run because nobody turned up and Rebel Wilson had to fling all her bras around to fill time.
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JOANNA SCANLAN WINS BEST ACTRESS. Thank heavens for that. She came into the Baftas as the surprise nominee, but has now asserted herself as potentially the new Olivia Colman.
Despite palpable annoyance from Lady Gaga, who has flown all the way here for nothing, Scanlan absolutely owns the stage. She’s staggered, she’s touched, she’s aware of her own narrative, and she takes time to put her film After Love into context. One of the speeches of the night. One of the only speeches of the night, admittedly, but one of the speeches of the night nonetheless.
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JANE CAMPION WINS BEST DIRECTOR. But she isn’t there, because nobody is there. They could have held this ceremony in a minivan for all the people who turned up to collect their awards. But at least Benedict Cumberbatch is there. He does appear to be the exact colour of a saveloy, but at least he turned up.
Andy Serkis, presenting best director, just made a Priti Patel joke so tortured that it deserves to be dissected at length. There should be books written about it. It should be carved into the side of a church.
I might be reading too much into this, but Stephen Graham looks FURIOUS.
WILL SMITH WINS BEST LEADING ACTOR. It’s perhaps the most obvious winner with the Oscars just two weeks away. But guess what? Will Smith isn’t here tonight. Oh well.
SUMMER OF SOUL WINS BEST DOCUMENTARY. Questlove accepts in person, and seems legitimately lost for words. Calling the film “a mission of love”, he credits it with reviving his dormant self-confidence. By god, this is a good documentary, incidentally.
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Remember that this ceremony has been edited for TV, and briefly wish that it wasn’t
Doubt this will be on the TV broadcast but absolutely here for Rebel Wilson having a seemingly genuine rant about a film she was in not getting made and ending it with, ‘Fuck you Lionsgate’ #BAFTA2022
— Jonathan Dean (@JonathanDean_) March 13, 2022
LICORICE PIZZA WINS BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY. Not the greatest of fields this year by any stretch of the imagination, but Paul Thomas Anderson is undoubtedly a worthy winner. Shame he’s not around to accept it. But Jonny Greenwood and Alana Haim accept on his behalf, in spectacularly inept fashion.
And next up in the ceremony that will be known as The Baftas Where Rebel Wilson Handed Out Some Of Her Bras: best original screenplay.
And now a short film where Rebel Wilson teaches us how to go to the cinema again. Get dressed! Go to the toilet! Remember that an intrinsic part of the cinema experience is the artificially inflated price of the snacks! Sit near Matt Lucas!
Now she’s just wandering around handing her bras out to the audience. You didn’t get this with Joanna Lumley, did you?
CODA WINS BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY. It’s an incredible achievement for Sian Heder, the woman who actually adapted the screenplay; something underlined by her jolt of pure shock upon hearing her name called out. Her speech is being translated by two signers (one in ASL and one in BSL), which is another wonderful moment. And it gives Coda momentum too. This is quickly turning into one to beat.
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BELFAST WINS BEST BRITISH FILM. And, in reality, it probably isn’t the best British film of the last year, because Ali & Ava came out this year. But Branagh is all charm, keen to lay praise on everyone else (including the people who actually went to see it). It was perhaps a LITTLE unfortunate to cut away to Asim Chaudhry looking bored out of his absolute mind mid-speech, though.
Emma Watson is here to present Best British film. And she’s dressed as what a centaur would look like if the bottom of a centaur was a swan, so that’s nice.
And now for the In memoriam segment, for all the people who actually have a good excuse not to be at the Baftas this year.
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TROY KOTSUR WINS BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR. Kotsur is perhaps the least known nominee in this category, but by far the most memorable thing about Coda. And luckily he’s in attendance. He accepts the award in sign language, helped by a translator. He starts the speech by congratulating James Bond on his anniversary, before revealing that he’d like to open a deaf-owned fish and chip restaurant. This is another blinder of a speech. Two in a row! Can the Baftas pull things back from the brink of disaster?
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DRIVE MY CAR WINS BEST FILM NOT IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. It’s a film that, like Parasite before it, could have very easily won best film regardless of language. Happily Ryusuke Hamaguchi is there to collect in person, and gives what is easily the most charming speech of the night, via a translator. “That cleared out the jetlag” he begins to wild applause, before admitting how nervous he is. Magnificently, the translator seems just as emotional and excited as Hamaguchi is. I hope he keeps her for the Oscars.
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CRUELLA WINS BEST COSTUME DESIGN. Jenny Beavan was the costume designer for Cruella, a woman who famously upset the masses by not dressing up very much last time she won an award. She isn’t here tonight. Who could blame her?
ARIANA DEBOSE WINS BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS. Which seems apt, because she is widely regarded as the best thing about West Side Story, a film that barely anyone has seen. She’s in tears for something I didn’t quite follow, and now she’s thanking every single person who worked on the film while explaining their job description. It is dragging on enormously, but it’s also like only the third actual speech in an hour, so what are you going to do.
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New skit: Rebel Wilson has made a cake of Benedict Cumberbatch’s face, and is inviting Andy Serkis to defile it. I’m not entirely sure how it ended, because there was a very abrupt cutaway to Joanna Scanlan’s face. Maybe the moment will be lost to history forever. What a shame.
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There is now a musical performance from Coda, introduced with a speech where Rebel Wilson gave Vladimir Putin the finger, so that’s him told. It’s a beautiful performance, and also a good chance to nip off and do something else. I’m not saying I’m treating it as an opportunity to look at Twitter to see who won all the Baftas tonight because I want to make this liveblog easier. But I’m also not saying that I’m not.
And here’s Prince William, in a tuxedo, in his living room. Can you do that? Could I have just knocked around my house in my Bafta tux? What if a Yodel driver came when I was wearing it? I’d never live it down. What I’m trying to say is that Prince William probably has it easier than me.
LASHANA LYNCH WINS THE EE RISING STAR AWARD. The good news is that Lynch is actually there in person to collect her award. The arguably less good news is that, well, hasn’t she already risen quite high? She’s just been in a Marvel film and a James Bond film. Does she need the boost she’ll get from the award? Probably not, in all honesty. But this is going to be an evening where speeches are going to be very few and far between, so let’s not quibble.
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Now Lady Gaga is here to introduce Bukky Bakray, who won the EE Rising Star award last year, so that she can present the EE Rising Star award to someone else. Which is a bit convoluted for a television audience exclusively made up of people who are dreading the prospect of work tomorrow, but anything to fill the runtime.
THE HARDER THEY FALL WINS BEST BRITISH DEBUT. But, hey, guess what, Jeymes Samuel isn’t there to collect the award. Bit awkward.
Outstanding debut now. Presenting is Kenneth Branagh, who is doing a very good job of shrugging off a fairly brutal Armie Hammer joke directed at him during the monologue.
DUNE WINS BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY. And we have our first no-show of the night. So that’s why the last lot were allowed to ramble on so much. Is this going to be the theme of the night?
The Dune speech is shared between the three winners, none of whom have anything particularly interesting to say, but they are saying it at great length. We are almost a quarter of the way through the broadcast already. Things are going to have to tighten up a *lot* if this is going to be over by Peaky Blinders.
DUNE WINS BEST VISUAL EFFECTS. Interestingly, Dune got the biggest round of applause during the nominations. For people watching at home, it might sound like Dune is the most popular film. From someone who was in the room two years ago, however, I can assure you that it just means that Dune managed to get more crew invites than anyone else.
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We can now proceed to the actual awards. Simon Pegg is here to present the visual effects category, and also point out that he hasn’t won a Bafta and laugh menacingly.
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We’re now being treated to another montage of the last 12 months in film. And props to Bafta for not just showing footage of people watching Disney+ because they’re still feeling iffy about being in an enclosed space during Covid.
Now Wilson has announced herself as the new James Bond, and walked over to a flipchart – A FLIPCHART! – specifically so that she could draw a pair of nipples on a piece of paper. Listen, it isn’t high art, but as someone who still wakes up screaming about Joanna Lumley’s go at the job, I’m very aware of how much worse it could be.
No, wait, she just said that Tom Hiddleston was in attendance “low key”, so I retract every good thing I ever said about the monologue.
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And now to Rebel Wilson, instantly joking about the imminent demise of the Baftas. She’s making vagina jokes! She’s showing off her tattoos! She’s largely discussing her own weight loss! It isn’t going terribly! What’s going on?
Oh, just kidding. It’s the 60th anniversary of 007, and to commemorate the fact they’ve got Shirley Bassey onstage to belt out Diamonds Are Forever. And let’s hand it to Bafta, there were a billions ways to screw this up, but this is actually pretty great. Just Bassey in the middle of the stage being genuinely iconic. No frills. No godawful skits or car chases or (shudder) interpretive dance. Just the world’s greatest human theramin going full throttle on a song she’s done thousands of times before. GOOD START BAFTA.
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The ceremony itself begins with a celebration of James Bond, because this is the UK and it’s either that or Harry Potter, and god knows that nobody wants to spoil their Sunday by wading into that territory again.
We are now being treated to a quick red carpet montage, which largely consists of Americans lying about how much their nominations mean to them and Benedict Cumberbatch complaining about being cold.
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Right then assembled masses, it’s time for the (television broadcast of) the 2022 Baftas. Stay off the rest of the internet if you don’t want your enjoyment of this liveblog to be tainted in any way.
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You’ve still got some time to kill, so while you wait for the ceremony to begin, why don’t we take a whistlestop tour of the Guardian’s Bafta coverage so far:
Interviews? We have interviews with the two people who should be your favourite contenders in the acting categories: Emine Saner meets Joanna Scanlan and Alex Moshakis on Adeel Akhtar.
Predictions? We have Peter Bradshaw’s annual, excellent, Bafta predictions.
The first three chapters of this liveblog, but longer and much better written? Here’s Catherine Shoard with the pre-ceremony essentials.
Congratulations, you are now ready to watch the Baftas. Unless you’ve read the spoilers, in which case there’s always Netflix or something.
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Also, before the show starts, a quick reminder that the Baftas aren’t shown live, and anyone with a Twitter account will know all the winners by the time they’re announced on TV, and this basically renders the whole thing redundant, and we’d all be better off if the whole ceremony was replaced by a press release. OK! Glad we’re all caught up!
More importantly, this is a proper ceremony. A proper, old-school ceremony with an audience and people who don’t have to make their acceptance speeches over Zoom. The last time this happened was in back in the pre-Covid haze of February 2020. I attended that ceremony. I bought a tuxedo for it. A tuxedo that, thanks to a cruel combination of social distancing and lockdown weight gain, I will probably never wear again. Why am I telling you this? Is it because I want you to feel sorry for me? Yes.
But also the standout presenter of that night was Rebel Wilson, who broke up the monotony of the night with a full-bore attack on her recent movie Cats. Her presentation was possibly the only good thing that happened that night, so news that she is now the full host of the ceremony should be applauded in the streets. Rebel Wilson, and Rebel Wilson alone, has the potential to make this the first entertaining Baftas in all of human history. Fingers crossed.
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Hello everyone, and welcome to the Guardian’s 2022 Bafta film award liveblog. Most years, the Baftas occupy a vital slot in the annual awards season calendar; a slot where Golden Globes frontrunners can consolidate their status, while simultaneously ramping up excitement for the Oscars.
But this isn’t most years. The Golden Globes imploded and were forced from our screens and, following last year’s mess of a show – held in a train station following a traumatising sense of humour failure – nobody on Earth cares about the Oscars.
And to make matters worse, tonight’s Baftas also happen to clash with the Critics Choice awards. Does this mean that nobody will show up? Put it this way, given the choice of attending a nice warm awards show held down the road from where you live, or a notoriously freezing cold awards show held an entire continent away, you’d probably stay in LA.
But let’s be positive here! It might all be fine. Tonight’s show might not be packed with films that are adored by the general public at large, but there are all sorts of interesting micro-sized battles to be found if you look hard enough. After Love, Drive My Car and Ali & Ava are all impossibly strong, and possibly have what it takes to bash some of the bigger contenders into dirt. That’s worth watching for, right? The ceremony starts in half an hour, so I guess we’ll see then.
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