A Lanarkshire mum, who endured the heartache and trauma of six miscarriages and a still-born daughter, is elated to have welcomed a healthy new baby girl into her loving family’s lives.
Grateful Jen Pritchard and husband Len now feel their family is complete with the arrival of baby Rose, who came into the world at the Queen Elizabeth II Hospital on March 6, weighing a bouncing 7lbs 7oz.
For big sister Dylan, the arrival of the baby girl whose name she chose, is everything she wished for.
Dylan, who will turn seven in two weeks, was gently told two years ago by her parents, Jen and Len, about Elliot – their first baby girl, whose heart stopped beating before birth on April 26, 2014.
Ever since, Dylan has slept every night with Elliot’s teddy, Rubi – named after the Rubislaw hospital ward in Aberdeen in which the baby girl was born sleeping.
Although Newton Farm Primary pupil Dylan and her parents are overjoyed at the safe arrival of Rose, for Jen and Len, there will always be three daughters in their hearts. They will always be a family of five.
Jen had miscarried five times before conceiving Elliot – a longed-for baby who, after a 20-week scan, was diagnosed with congenital diaphragmatic hernia (CDH).
The condition occurs when a gap forms in the diaphragm during the fetus’s development in the womb, and the bowel, stomach or even the liver can travel into the chest cavity.
A post-mortem was to reveal that as well as CDH – which arises in approximately one in 2500 births and accounts for around eight per cent of all major congenital abnormalities – Elliot had an under-developed lung, among other complications.
As was the case with each miscarriage, when Jen left hospital after delivering Elliot, there was no support. And even although she had been through labour and a natural birth, she wasn’t even offered the routine six-week check-up afforded to all new mums.
Broken by the heartache of losing Elliot, Jen and husband Len decided to stop trying for a family. The pain was too much to bear.
“If you try, you are always going to have that fear, that worry,” she explained.
“We decided not to put pressure on ourselves. Then, three months later, I fell pregnant with our little Dylan, our rainbow.”
Her pregnancy was defined more by worry than excitement, with Jen refusing to attend medical appointments without her husband by her side.
Then, a week before Elliot’s first birthday, Dylan was born weighing in at a healthy 7lbs 5oz.
“The first six months were heaven. Our whole world was consumed by her,” said Jen.
“But after six months, I hit rock bottom with post-traumatic stress and post-natal depression. I’d be playing with Dylan on the floor, then I’d think: ‘Why am I sitting here happily playing with my daughter when I’ve lost a daughter?’
“I tried counselling, but the ones I saw didn’t understand. I was going in and talking about it, but not getting to the root of anything. I could not make decisions. Everyone thought I was fine. The only one who could see it was Len. I was putting everything on him, and I felt guilty for it. I was not living life. I was existing. I lived in a bubble and Len was at the front of it. If I was in my bubble and nothing burst it, I was fine. It was a very difficult few years.”
Throughout, Jen was determined that Elliot, and the babies she’d miscarried, wouldn’t be resigned to the past.
“After Elliot was born, I wanted everything we had been through to have a purpose. I wanted a legacy. Something was going to come of this. I was not going to become just another statistic,” she explained.
Jen, who had previously trained as a counsellor for families whose babies and young children struggled with sleep and reflux, embarked on 18 months of study into how birth trauma can have a lasting effect on mothers and their babies, and how mums’ experiences as far back as their own childhood can present challenges when they become a parent.
The former police officer set up her business, Mum’s Healing Mentor, and discovered that the journey had helped her to discover the root of her own torment and mental health struggles.
Jen, who experienced a sixth miscarriage after the birth of Dylan, says the pregnancy and arrival of Rose has made her even better equipped to support other mums through the anxiety and trauma of carrying and delivering a child.
“With the birth itself, we couldn’t have asked for anything better,” continued Jen, 41.
“My biggest thing was wanting to do it myself, being heard and being listened to. Everything was amazing.”
Suspecting an infection, Rose was whisked to the neonatal intensive care unit for a few hours immediately after birth as a precaution.
But with her new inner calm and confidence, that didn’t phase Jen, who, along with her husband, Len, reached out to Dylan on a video call to introduce her to her little sister.
“The first thing she said was: ‘I told you it was a little girl, Mummy,’” said Jen.
“She is besotted with her. We all are. She gets up in the morning and rushes home from school to fuss over her. Dylan is very excited because she now realises she is a middle sister and she’s a big sister, too, just like Elliot.”
Unlike previous traumatic birth experiences, Jen says the arrival of Rose brought with it “no fear, no worry, no anxiety.”
“I look at it now as another experience which helps me to relate more to my mums, my clients,” she explained.
“It’s another understanding of how mums can be impacted by trauma, and how they can still be holding on to that trauma, worry and fear.”
Jen says her life experience, coupled with her training, can let women see how, even after a text book pregnancy, they can cope when complications present themselves – and be reassured that their feelings, wishes and views will be listened to.
“All of that is just another layer of being able to support mums even more on how to speak up and be heard,” she explained.
“Mums are advocates for their babies. Mums need to feel they can shout from the rooftops when they have to – for their pregnancy, for their baby and for themselves.”
On birthdays and at Christmas, the Pritchards will continue to light a candle next to a bunch of pink carnations to ensure that Elliot is always a part of the making of special memories for their family.
“Len and I always said we wanted two or three kids,” said Jen, who is fiercely in support of the commitment made by the Scottish Government and NHS Lanarkshire to make dedicated facilities available to women who experience unexpected pregnancy complications.
“Now, I have my three girls. We are a family of five now.”
For more information about Jen’s work, visit Mum’s Healing Mentor on Facebook.
Don't miss the latest headlines from around Lanarkshire. Sign up to our newsletters here.
And did you know Lanarkshire Live is on Facebook? Head on over and give us a like a nd share!
