BALTIMORE -- As Christmas approaches, people who care for loved ones, as well as paid helpers, are preparing themselves and their patients to make it through the holidays. Caregivers face added stress of holiday preparations on top of the responsibilities associated with caregiving, said Karen Winkowski, administrator for the Harford County, Maryland, Office on Aging.
“When you’re a caregiver, it doesn’t matter what holiday it is,” said Baltimore County resident Bridget Basehoar, who was a family caregiver. “It’s the toughest, most satisfying thing I have ever done. You are so focused that your loved one is comfortable, that the holiday spirit is gone.”
Caregivers sometimes aren’t invited to, or are not able to, attend holiday social events, Winkowski said. Caregivers also experience the care recipient’s own sense of grief and loss at the holidays, she said.
Caregiving comes with inherent challenges because caregivers are often taking care of a family member who had a specific role, said Amy Hewat, a social worker with Gilchrist’s Elder Medical Care Home Services in Towson.
“Usually, it’s a family member, and they are used to having a certain role within the family, but they have to change that,” Hewat said. “They are experiencing the loss of the relationship they once had, while in the meantime learning what is to care for someone in that condition.”
During the holidays, this dynamic is significantly amplified with family members who aren’t typically present to experience this loss, while the caregiver tries to enjoy the holiday and watch over their loved one, Hewat said.
“For anybody who has lost someone, you know holidays typically amplify that,” Hewat said. “You have the stress of caregiving, and people have their traditions. They have things they like to do, and they might be expected to host or go somewhere. Those things are often taken away or significantly altered, so they are limited in their ability to celebrate.”
In preparation for this season, Arden Courts, which has several residential memory care communities in the region, held a webinar on Dec. 1 with Tam Cummings, a gerontologist and author of “Untangling Alzheimer’s: The Guide for Families and Professionals,” to educate caregivers on how to navigate the holidays.
Cummings, who studies dementia and provides consultation and education to families, social workers and more, described different ways to manage the holidays and its challenges as a caregiver.
“This is a hard time of the year. In spite of all the things society tells us about how happy we are this time of year, that’s actually not true,” Cummings said.
Families try to decide how to handle holidays in a community, Cummings said. Some families make a date where they celebrate the holiday with a loved one, and they celebrate on the actual holiday; while others don’t change the day because of guilt or religious beliefs, among other things, she said.
Cummings shared tips for caregivers when making these decisions. First, Cummings advised caregivers that big events can increase behaviors from the patient because they could easily be overwhelmed from the noises, the people and the questions.
In this situation, caregivers have to prepare family and friends for their responsibilities, Cummings said. Caregivers should let their families know in advance that the holiday will be different this year.
Caregivers are tasked with finding temporary respite services for the care recipient so they can holiday shop or prepare their home, while long-distance caregivers who visit with older family members during the holidays often find significant and unexpected changes in need or functional abilities, Winkowski said.
Also, caregivers have to find your balance and know their limits. The caregiver has to be aware of what they can handle heading into the holidays and avoid overdoing it at a gathering, especially when it comes to drinking, Cummings said.
With this in mind, Cummings suggested caregivers celebrate the holidays that are important to them, since they have put in the work to celebrate them. Caregivers have to make sure their is loved on is involved in the holiday in some way — whether its just watching, decorating or tasting the food as it’s being cooked, Cummings said.
Along with getting them involved, caregivers need to provide distractions if they become overwhelmed, Cummings said. The caregiver can have them take a short walk outside or have a quiet room set up for them, she said.
