Jack Snape is at the MCG for the Boxing Day Test and has found a celebration filled with colour even under dark skies in Melbourne. The crowd is beyond 90,000 …
Brian Withington has a follow up on the punt that now seems much bigger than the one Ben Stokes took when sending Australia in to bat.
“Further to earlier anxiety, son and partner did make it inside the ground with their ‘first come, first served’ secondary market tickets. I’m feeling quietly vindicated in the unsolicited Christmas present, as they had only obtained official tickets for days three and four.
“Talking of Christmas presents, in addition to some of these generously donated Australian wickets, they got engaged in the Botanical Gardens yesterday [no euphemism intended], so it’s turning into quite the memorable trip already.”
Gervase Greene (no relation, I’m told) is giving Cam Green the benefit of the doubt for his run-out that sparked a collapse of nine for four.
“Pity about the run-out. It was Neser’s call – he was the one running to ‘the danger end’. And he [Neser] was certainly quick in taking off. Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. They have to keep the singles coming, which is never without risk. A shame, though, as Green looked quite in control.”
Josh Tongue finishes with 5 for 45 while Cameron Green’s senseless run out helped spark a collapse of nine for four as Australia are skittled for 152 before tea on day one of the Boxing Day Test. Tongue was certainly the pick of the bowlers with movement in the air and off the seam on a green deck, while Gus Atkinson also helped England get on top with the early wicket of Travis Head and the first breakthrough after lunch when dismissing Usman Khawaja.
It was never likely to be an easy day for batting after Ben Stokes won the toss and sent Australia in to bat first in overcast conditions. But too many batters failed to make the most of their hard-earned starts with Michael Neser the top scorer on 35. Both sides are now in the rooms for tea before Australia come out needing to make early inroads into England’s top order while the conditions are perhaps still in the bowler’s favour.
Updated
Australia all out for 152
Josh Tongue draws an edge from Scott Boland and Harry Brook does the rest at second slip. The England quick has a five-for at the MCG and will begin his first over in Australia’s second innings on a hat-trick.
Updated
WICKET! Neser b Tongue 35 (Australia 152-9)
Josh Tongue gets the ball shaping into Michael Neser and it takes a fine delivery to end a critical knock. That was moving in the ball and got a little more off the deck.
WICKET! Starc c Stokes b Carse 1 (Australia 152-8)
Ben Stokes pulls down a superb catch running back from mid-off after Starc mis-times a lofted drive. Replays show Brydon Carse was incredibly close to overstepping – and I’d say has – but England are having one of those days.
45th over: Australia 152-8 (Neser 35, Richardson 0)
Updated
44th over: Australia 152-7 (Neser 35, Starc 1) Mitchell Starc might be getting sick of saving his batting brethren in this series but he begins his latest critical knock digging out a yorker from Josh Tongue for one. Tongue is a bit wide to Neser as the Australia pair end the over failing to even take a single as Bethell dives in the covers to prevent a boundary. That’s surely a side-effect of the recent run out but Bethell has been lively in the field all day.
43rd over: Australia 151-7 (Neser 35, Starc 0) Cameron Green fails to go on to a significant score even after making a start for the third time in the series as pressure continues to mount on his place in the side. Carse gets a cracker to jag back into Neser but somehow misses everything as the ball trickles over middle stump on the way to four byes. That’s enough to have Neser opening up to punish a slightly wider ball over cover for a boundary.
Updated
WICKET! Green run out 17 (Australia 143-7)
Oh, Cameron Green, what have you done? Once again the all-rounder has done all the hard work then found a way to throw away his wicket. Green drops the ball on to the offside and sets off for a quick single. But Carse pounces on the ball and throws down the stumps as even a diving 2m-tall Australian can’t make up the ground in time. Green walks off even as the run out is reviewed.
Updated
42nd over: Australia 143-6 (Green 17, Neser 31) Tongue returns after being the pick of the bowlers on day one and almost makes an immediate impact as Neser edges the first ball of the over but soft hands help it drop short of slip. Neser then unloads with three consecutive boundaries on the drive as four leg byes from a yorker bring up the 50-run partnership.
41st over: Australia 127-6 (Green 17, Neser 19) The Australian pair have little trouble dealing with Carse as they work the ball into gaps whether the England quick pitches it short or fuller. Green gets a couple of singles through square leg, while Neser finds two through point and his own pair of ones on the off-side. It might be time for Tongue to return.
Updated
40th over: Australia 121-6 (Green 15, Neser 15) Ben Stokes continues his lengthy spell – broken up by the drinks break – into an eight over. Green eases a wider delivery to cover for one as the all-rounder looks increasingly comfortable.
Updated
39th over: Australia 120-6 (Green 14, Neser 15) Brydon Carse returns to the attack after failing to strike earlier in the day. Neser is comfortable ducking under anything short while Carse finds a better range back of a length that draws a play-and-a-miss from the Australian. Maiden over.
Thanks Tim. And merry Boxmas to you and all. The Ashes might already be settled but England still have small – and big – wins to gain and have certainly made the most of their fortune at the toss. But that also does the bowlers a disservice with Josh Tongue (three for 32) in particular impressing at the MCG. With Australia beginning the second half of the day on 120 for six, their new No 7 Cam Green has an opportunity to silence his many critics with a knock that could drag his side back into the fourth Test.
I’ll be guiding us through to stumps. Send your predictions, thought bubbles and other musings with an email or find me @martinpegan on Bluesky or X.
Drinks: Australia edging back into it?
38th over: Australia 120-6 (Green 14, Neser 15) Neser gets enough on a drive to send it squirting past gully for four. He’s been standing outside his crease, so maybe England need to post a short leg in his armpit, or have Jamie Smith stand up to the stumps, Carey-style. Or maybe Neser wouldn’t be bothered: by the end of the over, he’s gaily slashing over the slips for four more.
And that’s drinks, which means it’s time for me to hand over to Martin Pegan. Thanks for your company, correspondence and bulletins from the bucket-list seats on Level 4. As Martin has just said to me, Happy Boxmas!
Updated
37th over: Australia 111-6 (Green 14, Neser 6) Atkinson gets a rest now as Tongue comes back. His first ball is a loosener and so is his second. Cam Green clips a full toss for four, then pulls a long hop for four more. Tongue, who took his wickets from the other end, finds some rhythm and collects four dots.
36th over: Australia 103-6 (Green 6, Neser 6) Stokes has bowled well and now he gets even better. Neser is chopped in half like a magician’s assistant, then flirts with LBW. But he keeps calm, carries on and plays an off-drive for four to bring up the hundred.
35th over: Australia 99-6 (Green 6, Neser 2) Atkinson is still bowling, so that’s two seven-over spells from him already. Like Tongue before lunch, he gets that little bit more anodyne as he tires. Green cashes in with two tucks for two.
Updated
34th over: Australia 95-6 (Green 2, Neser 2) Stokes finds the edge of Neser’s prod, but Jamie Smith isn’t sure he’s made a clean catch. And he’s right, as a replay soon shows. The umpires refer it to their mate in front of the telly, Ahsan Raza, who takes an age to confirm that the ball has indeed bounced. There’s time for the Aussie fans, grabbing a rare chance to make some noise, to start booing Smith. “It’s ludicrous,” says Graeme Swann, with some reason.
33rd over: Australia 93-6 (Green 2, Neser 0) Cam Green, freshly demoted to No 7, finally gets off the mark with a clip for two off Atkinson, but only after being beaten all ends up by a snorter.
32nd over: Australia 91-6 (Green 0, Neser 0) That was the wicket England really wanted – and it was the first ball after Stokes had moved Crawley into leg slip. Stokes pointed to him, and to the analysts in the dressing-room. Now, can England go for the kill?
WICKET! Carey c Crawley b Stokes 20 (Australia 91-6)
A flick too far! Straight into the hands of Zak Crawley at leg slip.
31st over: Australia 91-5 (Carey 20, Green 0) Atkinson continues – his 12th over out of 16 from his end. Again, there’s just one run and again it’s a flick from Carey.
A note of caution for England fans from Andrew Benton. “This Australian brain fade won’t last long, I fear,” he says. “England will be bowling to keep the score under 400 by the end of the day. The Aussies recover well from setbacks.”
30th over: Australia 90-5 (Carey 19, Green 0) The partnership was 38, so that wicket came at just the right time for England. Now they’d love to get Carey too. Stokes, who bounced him out in the second innings at Adelaide, tries the same ploy without the same result. Carey escapes with a tuck off his pads, the only run from the over.
Updated
29th over: Australia 89-5 (Carey 18, Green 0) Khawaja had just hit his best shot of the day, an off-drive. But Atkinson produced an instant riposte and now he has a well-deserved second wicket: 11-4-21-2.
Joe Root was quite sure about that. He made the review signal to Stokes instantly, so presumably he’d heard the nick. So had Bethell, who was already celebrating. Khawaja went back but played forward, and paid the price for his indecision.
Updated
WICKET! Khawaja c Smith b Atkinson 29 (Australia 89-5)
Khawaja is given out … by Snicko!
Updated
28th over: Australia 85-4 (Khawaja 25, Carey 18) As Stokes warms to the task, this is a good contest. Carey, still oozing confidence, whips a single. Khawaja takes a blow from a fast off-cutter, then clips a full one for another single. Carey gets a bottom edge towards the slips, then hits a straight drive that Stokes does well to stop. Straining for a full length again, Stokes overpitches and goes for two. England need to stem the flow.
27th over: Australia 81-4 (Khawaja 24, Carey 15) At the other end, Atkinson continues. He’s been the only bowler to trouble Carey today and he does it again now, finding the inside edge – though not before Carey has hit two twos, one on either side of the wicket. Atkinson beats Khawaja too, but this partnership, now 31, is beginning to resemble a recovery.
26th over: Australia 76-4 (Khawaja 24, Carey 10) Stokes to Khawaja. The first ball is on the spot, defended. The second is a touch too full, driven to mid-off – where Carse dives over it, concedes two and gets a grimace from Stokes. After that, just a single to each batter.
The players are out there and Ben Stokes is finally going to have a bowl.
Updated
Here’s Kim Thonger and he’s not happy. “I wonder if you could ask England to stop taking wickets quite so regularly. I’m trying to multi-task, following the OBO while also booking skis, boots, helmets and lift passes online via the Ski Club of Great Britain app, which is frankly requiring more attention than I’m able to give while stumps and bails are flying hither and thither. Thank you, most kind.”
“Morning Tim!” It’s my friend and yours, Emma John. “I’m watching this session from Perth where it’s just coming up 9.30am and already a lot warmer than Melbourne. I’ll miss most of the afternoon’s play flying over there so I’m just hoping England can keep this up while I’m in the air… My Perth family, who considered themselves Aussie through the first three Tests, have suddenly remembered that they’re English!”
LUNCH! And the morning belongs to Josh Tongue
25th over: Australia 72-4 (Khawaja 21, Carey 9) Atkinson beats Carey again, angling the ball in from round the wicket, then nipping it away. Carey dabs the next ball down into the gully, where Jacob Bethell makes another of his fine stops – and shows us his underpants, which are bright blue Budgy Smugglers. “I wonder if he realises,” says one of the commentators, “that his trousers are drawstring.”
England’s bowling on this tour has often been pants, but not today. Gus Atkinson set the tone with an opening spell that was straight from the Jofra Archer playbook, asking the right questions and conceding hardly any runs. Brydon Carse was all over the place, but when Josh Tongue replaced him, Australia collapsed – from 27-0 to 51-4. Are they England in disguise?
Updated
24th over: Australia 70-4 (Khawaja 20, Carey 8) Tongue bowls an eighth over in a row, adding to the suspicion that Stokes is indisposed. Khawaja plays his signature shot, the clip for two, and then sees a full ball early enough to hit it (a) straight and (b) for four, his first boundary in this innings.
Updated
23rd over: Australia 64-4 (Khawaja 14, Carey 8) Carse is taken off for the second time (8-1-32-0). His second spell was better than his first but still inconsistent.
Atkinson returns for an over or two before lunch. He resumes where he left off, drawing a leading edge from Khawaja (which goes away for three) and then beating Carey with a length ball outside off.
Updated
22nd over: Australia 61-4 (Khawaja 11, Carey 8) Tongue, like Atkinson, bowls his seventh over in a row. Carey is confident, decisive, far more dynamic than Khawaja. He plays an on-drive for two, a cover-drive for two more. He has eight off ten balls, when the three batters above him – Lasbuschagne, Smith and Khawaja – have made 26 off 78 between them.
The Barmy Army take the opportunity to sing when they’re winning – though their song is a hymn to themselves.
21st over: Australia 57-4 (Khawaja 11, Carey 4) Carse too goes short to Carey, who has no trouble smacking a long hop for three. But again Carse flirts with respectability, persuading Khawaja to inside-edge into his boots, just past the stumps, and then to miscue a pull.
20th over: Australia 54-4 (Khawaja 11, Carey 1) So here’s Alex Carey, who would not have been expecting to bat before lunch. His first ball is short and he tucks it away for a single. Khawaja adds another of his clips for two, but Tongue still goes off to the boundary with a big smile on his face. He has 6-2-14-3.
It was straight, it was full, it was 86mph. it was the kind of ball that sometimes traps Smith LBW, but this time he didn’t even get his pad in the way. And Josh Tongue has three for 11!
WICKET! Smith b Tongue (Australia 51-4)
“Bowled him!” says the commentator on TNT. And a moment later, sure enough, Steve Smith’s middle stump is sent flying.
Updated
19th over: Australia 51-3 (Smith 9, Khawaja 9) Carse continues, which makes you wonder if Stokes is carrying an injury. But Carse does better, beating Khawaja outside off – and even completing a maiden. His figures are now 7-1-29-0.
“With these English conditions,” says Colum Fordham, “the game is just crying out for the doyen of English seamers – Jimmy Anderson – who I’d rather have in the side, despite his venerable age, instead of Brydon Carse. Carse may take wickets but he leaks runs with his waywardness. Atkinson has emulated Jimmy with his immaculate length and line. Still, nice to enjoy an Australian mini-collapse.”
18th over: Australia 51-3 (Smith 9, Khawaja 9) As Tongue continues, Khawaja flicks for two and a single, but in between he’s beaten outside off.
“Josh Tongue is bowling beautifully,” Gillespie says, “and yet we’ve got two slips and a gully, four fielders on the leg side. Feels like England are just going through the motions.” I wouldn’t say that, but Stokes has become almost as defensive with his field placings as he’s been with the bat. A gulf has opened up between Bazball and Benball, and it seems to be getting wider.
17th over: Australia 48-3 (Smith 9, Khawaja 6) Carse again. He keeps Khawaja quiet enough but then sees Smith play an almost premeditated pull, helping the ball round to the square-leg boundary with the greatest of ease. It’s bizarre that Stokes is bowling Carse, in this form, against Australia, in this pickle.
“Morning Tim,” says Dave Espley. “Another one in level 4 here. Me and my wife with a retirement bucket list trip taking in Brisbane, Adelaide, Melbourne and Sydney, with a cheeky week in the Gold Coast.” The whole thing sounds prerety cheeky to someone stuck in London. “Our strategy has been to buy tickets for the first three days then make a call for days 4 and 5, which has worked well so far. Too well... Hoping to have to get my hand in my pocket at some point – could this be the Test?” Let’s hope.
Updated
16th over: Australia 43-3 (Smith 5, Khawaja 5) Tongue to Smith again. Smith is moving around the crease so much, he could be Harry Brook. He plays a quirky little chip, just short of mid-on. Tongue has a leg slip but he could do with a short square leg as well. Where’s Ollie Pope when they need him?
15th over: Australia 43-3 (Smith 5, Khawaja 5) Carse’s first ball goes for two as Khawaja pushes into the covers. So does his third, flicked off the pads. The other four balls are fine, but Khawaja keeps them out and Carse now has 5-0-24-0, whereas Atkinson and Tongue between them have 10-5-15-3.
In the crowd, a few people are pulling their hoods on. Melbourne coudn’t be more English if it tried.
Atkinson finally gets a rest. But it’s not Stokes replacing him – it’s Carse!
14th over: Australia 39-3 (Smith 5, Khawaja 1) Usman Khawaja gets off the mark with a single as Tongue aims for a leg-stump yorker. And then Smith shows his first sign of aggression, stepping outside his crease and off-driving for four. When he misses a shorter ball, England appeal, Dharmasena shakes his head and Stokes reviews. No use asking Snicko … The naked eye could tell you that it brushed Smith’s sweater.
“I like what Josh Tongue brings to this line-up,” says Jason Gillespie, who knows all about seam bowling. “He bowls just past the 12 o’clock and it just creates a little bit of indecision.”
13th over: Australia 34-3 (Smith 1, Khawaja 0) Stokes gives Atkinson a seventh over and is rewarded with another maiden. The real Gus Atkinson has finally stood up.
The weather is English, the pitch is English, and Australia’s batting, for the past half-hour, has been more English than the English.
12th over: Australia 34-3 (Smith 1, Khawaja 0) Tongue bowls one more ball, to Usman Khawaja, to complete his second over. He walks off into the outfield with dreamy figures: 2-1-3-2.
Drinks! And suddenly, Australia are reeling
Tongue drew a nick from Labuschagne which dropped short of Harry Brook at third slip. Then, next ball, he did it again, and the ball carried to Root at first slip. That’s drinks after an hour of two halves. Australia won the first half, reaching 27 without loss from the first six overs, as Brydon Carse bowled like a drain. Since then, it’s been 7-3. Game on!
WICKET! Labuschagne c Root b Tongue 6 (Australia 34-3)
Tongue is making the ball talk!
Updated
11th over: Australia 34-2 (Labuschagne 6, Smith 1) Stokes must be tempted to turn to himself, but he keeps Atkinson on for the moment. Smith does the splits, takes a blow to the thigh, and falls over. He wanted to play another leg glance but knew there was a leg slip there. He’s such a problem-solver. It’s another maiden for Atkinson, who has replaced Jofra Archer as England’s Mr Thrift.
“Morning from Level 4 at the MCG, Tim,” says Guy Hornsby. “Fulfilling a lifelong dream of getting to the Boxing Day Test, with the cherry on top of being at the Ashes. I’m here with my twin brother Dave and daughter Leila, taking in a tense first session with weather much more from our home ground Old Trafford than Melbourne!
“It’s a real yin and yang with Atkinson’s nagging accuracy and Carse’s scattergun back of a length stuff. But we have a wicket, and that’s what we need when we’ve chosen to bowl. I still think we can get something out of this series, and we’ll know a lot from where we are by the close tonight.”
Updated
10th over: Australia 34-2 (Labuschagne 6, Smith 1) Here’s Steve Smith, back in the team after his spell of vertigo, and captaining it again as Pat Cummins takes another break with the Ashes in the bag. Tongue beats Smith first ball, outside off, then goes full and straight, bursting for an LBW, but Smith is equal to it and gets off the mark with a flick.
Still, whisper it, but … England are on top for now.
WICKET! Weatherald c Smith b Tongue 10 (Australia 31-2)
Josh Tongue strikes with his second ball! It’s a poor delivery, angled down the leg side, but Jake Weatherald gets a nick and Jamie Smith takes a good catch.
Updated
9th over: Australia 31-1 (Weatherald 10, Labuschagne 4) Atkinson jags one ball back into Labuschagne, who leaves it and gets a bruise on his left thigh. That’s a maiden, so Atkinson now has 5-2-7-1.
Never mind the cricket, the commentators are talking about the weather. In Melbourne it’s been the coldest Christmas for 19 years. The temperature today is 17, which seems very English. In Tasmania, meanwhile, it’s been a white Christmas.
Updated
8th over: Australia 31-1 (Weatherald 10, Labuschagne 4) Stokes keep the faith with Carse, who bowls his best ball so far, drawing a nick from Labuschagne that doesn’t carry to Root at first slip. Carse averages only 22 to right-handers in Tests, which is world-class. Against left-handers he averages 40, so you wonder why he’s been given the new ball against two left-handed openers.
Updated
7th over: Australia 30-1 (Weatherald 10, Labuschagne 3) Even after the wicket, Stokes doesn’t set an attacking field: just two slips, a (narrow) gully and a short leg. Atkinson is full to Marnus Labuschagne, enticing the drive, in fact two of them. The first is well stopped by Atkinson himself; the second goes to long-on, where Carse puts in a good chase and saves one. Then Atkinson beats Weatherald with a length ball.
Atkinson has 4-1-7-1, Carse 3-0-19-0. Get Josh Tongue on!
Updated
WICKET! Head b Atkinson 12 (Australia 27-1)
The breakthrough! Atkinson does what he nearly did in the first over – cramping Head for room and drawing an inside edge onto his stumps.
Updated
6th over: Australia 27-0 (Head 12, Weatherald 10) Carse goes full outside off, for the first time today, I think. Head says thanks very much and drives for four. Next ball, same line, same result, though Head has to take more of a risk, hitting the ball on the up. He takes a single and hands over to Weatherald, who takes over, drop-kicking for two over the bowler’s head, then driving for four more. Fifteen off the over: that’s rubbish.
“The persistence with Carse is really driving me to distraction,” says Luke Regan. “He’s so inconsistent with his line and length, just not good enough at this level. His FC stats don’t lie. Potts is a much better bowler (FC stats don’t lie) and not materially worse with the bat.” This email arrived ten minutes ago and has already proved prophetic.
Updated
5th over: Australia 12-0 (Head 3, Weatherald 4) Atkinson pitches it up, until he doesn’t. Head goes for the cut – and Bethell pulls off an excellent stop in the gully, low to his right. He’s already improved England’s fielding.
4th over: Australia 12-0 (Head 3, Weatherald 4) As Carse continues, Jacob Bethell gets into the game for the first time with a dive at gully that saves a run or two. Carse bowls better, locating off stump, jagging one ball back into Head, but then reverting to leg theory. A poor ball gives Head an easy two off his legs.
3rd over: Australia 9-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 3) Jake Weatherald, who faced only one of the first 12 balls, gets a proper go against Atkinson. He plays the first scoring shot of the day that goes where it was meant to – a punch into the covers for two. Atkinson won’t mind: at least he was on the front foot.
2nd over: Australia 6-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 0) Brydon Carse, bowling to Head, starts with … a no-ball. And the rest of the over is a mixed bag. After beating the bat outside off, Carse aims at the legs, perhaps because there’s a leg slip and a short square leg. Head keeps flicking and missing, but he picks up four leg-byes. Hmmm.
Updated
1st over: Australia 1-0 (Head 1, Weatherald 0) It turns out to be a good first over. Atkinson gets Head jumping around and the only time the bat hits the ball, it’s an inside edge that could easily have been played on. You could almost call it a moral victory.
1st ball Gus Atkinson bowls to Travis Head. The line isn’t bad – sixth stump – but it’s too short. Same old story!
The players are out there. England go into a huddle, then disperse. And here comes the most significant element on the scene: Travis Head’s moustache.
Updated
“And merry Christmas to you!” says Gareth Wilson. “If I can gently disagree with Andrew Benton, what is most galling, and slightly puts your lovely stat on runs difference to bed, is that Australia have not been amazing. They haven’t needed to be. Sure – one Travis Head innings, one Alex Carey Test, and some good Starc, but none of those by themselves should have been enough to go 3-squat up.
”England have faced a historically poor Aussie team and STILL blown it. It’s depressing, but hey, 0-0 right?
“Love your work.” Thanks! The Christmas spirit is flowing.
Would it be churlish to point out that there have been two big innings from Travis Head? And I’m not sure about historically poor – you should have seen Graeme Yallop’s gang in 1978-79, who lost 5-1 to England at home.
“Nervous anticipation” is the subject line on the next email. “The usual pre-match anticipation somewhat sharpened,” says Brian Withington, “as I wait to find out whether £500 spent on a pair of tickets via a secondary platform has been a wasted investment. My son and his partner are currently queuing for the first moment of truth – can they actually get into the ground? Other truths may emerge through the course of the day.” Ha.
The teams: no Doggett
England stick with the XI they announced in advance, so Jacob Bethell replaces Ollie Pope – who was giving him some throwdowns this morning, so no hard feelings. Jofra Archer is injured, so Gus Atkinson comes back. Graeme Swann and Alastair Cook feel that, with some grass on the pitch, England may regret not picking Matthew Potts, who pitches it up more than their other seamers.
Australia leave out Brendan Doggett, preferring Michael Neser, who did so well in Brisbane, and Jhye Richardson, who returns from four years of bad luck with injuries. Smith replaces Josh Inglis, Cam Green is demoted to No 7, and there’s no spinner, which may have been one more reason why Stokes has asked Australia to bat first and bowl last.
Australia 1 Head, 2 Weatherald, 3 Labuschagne, 4 Smith (capt), 5 Khawaja, 6 Carey (wkt), 7 Green, 8 Starc, 9 Neser, 10 Richardson, 11 Boland.
England 1 Crawley, 2 Duckett, 3 Bethell, 4 Root, 5 Brook, 6 Stokes (capt), 7 Smith (wkt), 8 Jacks, 9 Atkinson, 10 Carse, 11 Tongue.
Updated
Toss: England win and elect to bowl
It’s a grey day, so Ben Stokes has put Australia in to bat. Steve Smith says he would have done the same. As it is, he has to bowl last with no spinner.
Updated
Pre-match reading (2)
It’s Melbourne, it’s Boxing Day, it’s a crowd three times the size of Lord’s, and it’s seen some spectacular cricket. Andy Martin picks five Ashes Boxing Days to remember, all from the past 40 years, and not all going Australia’s way.
The next email starts with a line I’m not used to seeing. “Dead right Tim,” says Dean Kinsella. “I haven’t been able to follow the previous 3 tests all that closely for various reasons (perhaps not a bad thing), but ready for this game. So it’s a clean slate for me. Two matches of my absolute favourite sport to come.”
Pre-match reading
Some players are hoarders, others are not. Shane Warne, it turns out, was a secret hoarder, and some of his stuff is now on display at the MCG. Jim Wallace, of this parish, has had a preview.
The first email of the day has landed. “Hope you had/are still having a super Christmas,” says Andrew Benton. Thanks, it’s been very nice, hope yours has too. And everyone’s!
“I can see a scenario,” he goes on, “in which Rob Key and Brendan McCullum are advising the England players to be laid back and chill, and Ben Stokes is quietly telling everyone they need to work 24/7 on everything at all times in order to have a good chance of winning. Given the whole point of the Bazball style was to win the Ashes as McCullum and Stokes said many times over the years, why have the Key/McCullum heads not yet rolled? Australia have been amazing, but you’d sort of expect that.”
Heads don’t usually roll during the series, do they? That’s one of the ways in which cricket still keeps its distance from football. But as you say, it’s been very interesting to hear Stokes and McCullum singing from different hymn sheets. If only one of them gets to stay, you’d expect it to be Stokes. But McCullum has an assignment straight after this series – the WT20 in the subcontinent – so maybe his fate, like Joe Root’s as captain four years ago, will be decided at the end of the next chapter.
Updated
Preamble
So here it is … Merry Christmas! Everybody’s having fun (except perhaps Ben Duckett). Look to the future now, it’s only just begun.
Does Sir Geoffrey always tell you that the old ways are the best? Then he’s up and rock’n’ – hang on, there’s no way of making that work. Much like being in charge of an England Test team in Australia if your name is not Andrew.
Anyway, here’s a quiz question. Of all the losing squads England have sent on an Ashes tour this century, which one has done least badly? Using a simple yardstick: the gap between their average score and Australia’s.
Look away now if you want a minute to think about this. But you’ve probably guessed where I’m going with it. Yes, the answer is … Ben Stokes’ brave boys from 2025-26.
They’re averaging 258 per completed innings (actually, all their innings have been completed – for some reason, not even Stokes has been inclined to declare). The Aussies have made 372 per completed innings – only four of those so far, but the two romps to victory still feed into the average. So the difference between the two sides has been 114.
That may sound embarrassing, but, by England’s Ashes-tour standards, it’s highly respectable. Last time round, under Joe Root, they averaged a feeble 202. Their bowlers kept the Aussies down to 350, which still left them, on average, 148 behind.
The time before, also on Root’s watch? England batted better, averaging 292. But we may have to give most of the credit to the pitches, as the Aussies averaged 514. No, that is not a misprint: the gulf was 222, almost twice as bad as in the present series.
How about 2013-14, under Alastair Cook? England averaged 216, Australia 414, so the gulf was 198. Or 2006-07, under Fred Flintoff? England 264, Australia 528, the gulf 264. Should have stuck to calling himself Andrew.
Which just leaves Nasser Hussain’s tour in 2002-03 – surely that wasn’t too bad? Well, the batting wasn’t. England 293, Australia 468, the gulf 175.
With the ball, Stokes’s team have been more effective than any other bunch of England losers, bar the lockdown gang of 2020-21. With the bat, they are fourth out of six, and as they’ve done better in each Test of this series than the one before (yes, really), they could end up second. In terms of the gulf, they’re the bees’ knees. It hasn’t been worse than usual: it’s just been more galling for the fans because their hopes were higher.
Some are calling these last two Tests a dead rubber, but that’s a term that just doesn’t belong in Test cricket. Every match is an occasion, never mind Melbourne on Boxing Day. Every match counts – for the World Championship, for the mood in the camp, for the individual’s self-respect, for the reckoning afterwards, and for the career average that a Test cricketer has to carry around on his back like a snail.
The first game I went to in Australia was the fifth Test of 1986-87 in Sydney. It was billed as a dead rubber because England, of all people, had just gone 2-0 up to seal the series. The Aussies, captained by Allan Border and buoyed by a dream debut from Peter Who?, took the game seriously and won it. The great John Woodcock reckoned it was that game that sowed the seeds of the 1989 series, when Border’s team beat England 4-0. Far from dying, that rubber had helped the Aussies to bounce back.
Recent history tells England supporters that the wheels may well be about to come off, but there’s still plenty to play for. And neither Pat Cummins nor Nathan Lyon is playing, so Root and Stokes, England’s two old stagers, won’t have to face their nemeses.
The other England batters need to treat Mitchell Starc the way they treated Jasprit Bumrah in the summer: don’t take him on, do see him off. Then they just have to figure out how to play the demon Neser. Oh, and Jhye Richardson, who, the last time he bowled in a Test, four years ago in Adelaide, helped himself to five England wickets.
A consolation victory is still a victory. And it would bring some consolation.
Updated
