Here’s some post-match reaction for you, as Michael Neser described Mitchell Starc as “the greatest lefty of all time” after the latter’s heroics with bat and ball against England at the Gabba.
Ali Martin has filed his report from the Gabba, so I’ll leave you with that. There are also pieces from Simon Burnton and Geoff Lemon to soak up after the day’s play. Thanks as always for your company and emails. Ta-ra!
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Even by his standards, Scott Boland’s control of line and length is the final session was extraordinary. They showed a series of deliveries after play and it really was shoebox stuff – he kept hitting the same spot over and over. Mitchell Starc and Michael Neser also took two wickets but Boland was easily the outstanding bowler.
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Too soon?
‘Three-two’s got a nice ring to to it’
If you passed your Ashes GCSE, you’ll know that only one team in Ashes history – Test history for that matter – has come back to win from 2-0 down.
“Even miracles wouldn’t want to intervene in such situations for England,” says Abhishek Chopra. “Such a beautifully terrible omnishambles.”
You know England are really screwed when Ben Stokes is at the crease and you still don’t believe a miracle is possible.
“Mate, I couldn’t agree more with Jonathan Hungin (11.32am) re: the India series,” says Max Williams. “Everyone was rightly celebrating the incredible drama but from an English perspective, I think it was really damaging. They blew multiple opportunities to win their first five-match series in seven years (!), culminating that collapse at the Oval to fail at something they took for granted – chasing down big scores. Suddenly there’s doubt when there wasn’t before – even if you aren’t aware of it. When the history books are written, this Ashes will likely be portrayed as the collapse of Bazball but the foundations were critically damaged in the summer. Not saving the match at Lords, not bowling India out at Old Trafford, not finishing the job at the Oval. All led here.”
Yes. Before a series against Australia, England fans talk a lot about Ashes scarring, but non-Ashes scarring is also relevant. Contrast this team with the 2023 side and especially Michael Vaughan’s lot in 2005. Their 2-1 victory in South Africa the previous winter – when they didn’t play particularly well but found a way to win – was so important.
It feels relevant to highlight the recent records of those three sides before the relevant Ashes series.
2005 P18 W14 D3 L1 (win/loss ratio: 14)
2023 P13 W11 D0 L2 (W/L ratio: 5.5)
2025-26 P23 W12 D1 L10 (W/L ratio 1.2)
Read all about it
Marcus Trescothick's reaction
You know it’s a bad day when one of the coaching staff does the post-match interview.
We’re fairly philosophical about what we’re trying to do – obviously we’re not quite operating as we need to do and they’ve been better than us today. They dominated the day and put us under a lot of pressure; it’s always challenging when that happens.
In certain areas we haven’t been as good as we need to be for long enough. We’re trying all the time to put that right.
It’s obvious what Australia are trying to do – smash away on a good length, especially from the far end. They’ve done it really well and hit consistent areas. It’s always tough when momentum goes against you. We’re good enough to put the pressure back on them but it hasn’t quite happened today.
Fair play to them, they’ve made it hard for us. It’s not just things that we’ve done wrong. We know that we’re behind the game but you have to stay positive and focussed on what you’re trying to do and how you’re gonna try and win the game.
[On the decision-making of the batters] We get it right sometimes, and when we do we dominate opposition. And when we don’t get it right, we play bad shots and that gets highlighted. It is what it is. You’ve gotta have some way of trying to play the game. We look back on every innings and try to work out how we can make it better next time. But we have to stick to our principles of what we’re trying to do.
England’s innings: a tale of two halves
First 17 overs 90 for 1
Next 18 overs 44 for 5
“Amidst the slating for England that will come,” writes Gary Naylor, “it shouldn’t be forgotten that Scott Boland was superb. Glenn McGrath could not have bowled better.”
Quite. And he’s a bit quicker than McGrath was at the back end of his career.
Scott Boland's reaction
Great fun, yeah. We thought the ball would come alive in the night session and I think we bowled pretty well there.
England always play their shots. I feel like on this kind of wicket, where it’s a bit up and down, if we put as many balls as possible in the right place we’ll get some chances.
[What are the right areas?] Probably… ah, I won’t tell you that!
[On the lower-order runs] That was our main objective – to get some overs into the England bowlers for the second innings and to try and stretch out our bowling into the night session. Starcy was awesome and it was nice to be out there with him.
A summary of the day’s play
Mitchell Starc top scored with 77 as Australia pottered to 511 all out, a lead of 177 on first innings. By dragging things out, they ensured England would have to start their innings as the lights were coming on. After a fine start – 45 for 0 from six overs at tea, then 90 for one in the evening session – England fell apart. It was the usual mixture of ill-conceived strokes and forensic seam bowling from Australia. Scott Boland was magnificent.
“I get the point about Bazball, and this team, providing joy and life-affirming excitement etc, but in this Test has there really been a passage of play where this has been true?” writes Paul Billington. “A poor first innings, having now seen the other team bat. Apparently clueless bowling. Now this... And they’re even getting out to defensive shots. Or is it that Australia, like those fancy cornflakes, are Just Too Good?”
Joe Root’s hundred was a good old life-affirmer, I’d say. But I know what you mean. The thing that will haunt England is that they have been nowhere near their best against a brilliant but vulnerable Australia side. In August, while most of us were high on cricket when India won at the Oval, my old Wisden colleague Jonathan Hungin was adamant that England’s failure to win the series would be really costly when the Ashes started. There are loads of factors but I do think England’s accumulated scarring since the last Ashes in 2023 is starting to hurt. Australia lost the WTC final, sure, but have won every series apart from the one against Shamar Joseph.
Stumps: England trail by 43 runs
34th over: England 134-6 (Stokes 4, Jacks 4) A maiden from Starc to Jacks brings to an end day a glorious day for Australia, who have taken a decisive grip on the match and series.
34th over: England 134-6 (Stokes 4, Jacks 4) Stokes pushes Boland into the covers for two; the rest of the over is a demonstration of the watertight forward defensive stroke. Stokes will still see a route to victory, because he has found one with England in even greater predicaments, but 99.94 per cent of us know this game will be done by tomorrow afternoon.
“Unless my maths is wrong, since when did two down with three to play mean that the series was over?” writes Simon McMahon.
33rd over: England 132-6 (Stokes 2, Jacks 4) Will Jacks times a boundary through extra cover before surviving an Australia review for a catch down the leg side. Alex Carey took it beautifully, of course he did, but the ball missed both glove and bat before hitting Jacks on the hip.
“I have been packing for my flight to Australia on Monday to distract myself,” writes Emma John. “I have now given up because it seems so meaningless. I need to take everything out and start again with all-black outfits.”
Look, Emma, I’ve told you before: as an England fan, if you want to enjoy an Ashes trip, you need to go to Lilac Hill.
WICKET! England 128-6 (Smith c Carey b Starc 4)
Too good. Too, too good. Mitchell Starc gets his eighth wicket of the match – he’s on for back-to-back ten-fors – with a gorgeous delivery that moves away to shave the edge as Smith feels defensively. Alex Carey does the rest.
Smith reviewed, not sure why, but it was undeniably out and his poor series continues.
England have slipped from 90 for 1 to 128 for 6. They said it changes when the sun goes down around here…
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32nd over: England 127-5 (Stokes 1, Smith 4) Smith belts a drive through mid-off for four to get off the mark. A rare bad ball from Boland, who adjusts his length and jags one back to beat Smith. Lovely bowling. This is a serious interrogation, the kind usually reserved for Court TV, with Scott Boland in the role of prosecution counsel. Does that make me Vinnie Politan?
“How good is Boland when he is on song?” writes Chris Paraskevas. “Legitimately unplayable. Would love to see him do the business in England and banish those personal demons...”
That 2027 Ashes, as well as being the real quiz, could be the final achievement of a great Australian team – especially if they win in India earlier that year. Given recent events, they’ll fancy their chances in both series.
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31st over: England 123-5 (Stokes 1, Smith 0) Just over 20 minutes to the close, although Australia could claim the extra extra half hour if they take another couple of wickets in that time.
Stokes is dealing exclusively in defensive strokes, most of them very solid. Most but not all: a thick edge drops short of Green in the gully.
“Having watched/endured a lot of this since 4.15am, despite not really wanting to,” begins Luke Regan, “I’ve decided all I want for Christmas is Severance, but for away Ashes series.”
30th over: England 123-5 (Stokes 1, Smith 0) Jamie Smith, on a pair, survives a big LBW shout first ball. Too high, but it was a jaffa of a nipbacker. A wicket maiden from Boland, who is making the ball talk. When he does that, he’s unplayable.
It’s a minor detail of the series, because Australia have been far better in both games, but I do wonder whether England got it wrong at the toss, here and at Perth.
“Conspiracy theorists have long believed that the 2010-11 Ashes was actually filmed on a secret sound stage in Dallas,” honks Kristine.
WICKET! England 123-5 (Brook c Carey b Boland 14)
And so it is. Harry Brook will be livid with himself - he’s been dismissed playing a defensive stroke. He pushed forward to a lovely, full-length delivery from Boland and got a thin edge through to Carey.
Australia are rampant and have taken four wickets for 33.
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Australia review for caught behind next ball!
I’m pretty sure this one is out.
Brook is not out!
He missed it by a mile. Hmm, how weird. The ball did hit his back leg, which is probably why everyone appealed, but it was nowhere near the edge of the bat.
England review! Brook given out caught behind
Be still my beating everything.
29th over: England 123-4 (Brook 15, Stokes 1) Excellent analysis of Root’s wicket on the TV coverage. Every ball that Starc bowled to him was either just short or on a good length; then, out of nothing, he speared a very full delivery well wide of off stump. Root’s muscle memory took over and he edged a drive through to Carey.
Sure, it’s one of the older tricks in the book, but it works and Starc knows that. Brook almost falls for another, fresh-airing a drive on the up to a ball angled across him.
28th over: England 122-4 (Brook 14, Stokes 1) Australia are without four of their preferred XI (some by choice) and they are still hammering England. Boland, bowling round the wicket, hammers a length to Stokes, who defends and defends and defends in the hope if he keeps defending he might wake up and realise it’s 20 November 2025 and the series hasn’t started. A maiden.
“How naive we were to think this series might be different,” writes Joshua Keeling. “Another calamitous England series in Australia. That 2010/11 team looks better and better with every passing day.”
They do. One thing that interests me about that series is the Aussie team, which on paper looks superb. In reality most of them were either out of form or past their best, but to win three matches by an innings is utterly preposterous. Are we sure it actually happened?
27th over: England 122-4 (Brook 14, Stokes 1) Ben Stokes walks out to face his nemesis, Mitchell Starc. He’s turned round by his first ball, getting a leading edge into the off side, then gets off the mark with a single to leg.
“I had been in the process of writing that this morning was Pope and Crawley’s chance to prove the doubters wrong and repay all the faith put in them only to watch them both perish...” weeps Tom Van der Gucht. “Perhaps that’s the biggest failing of Bazball – not the exhilarating approach to cricket, but the bros backing bros vibes whereby they haven’t been ruthless enough in selection to pick the best players to achieve the masterplan.
“We’ve stuck with Pope and Crawley despite their clear weaknesses and can’t really be surprised now that they have failed to bring the blueprint to fruition due to them not quite being of the highest calibre.”
I’m still not convinced there were/are better alternatives, certainly to Crawley. He got out to a loose stroke, sure, but his performance in this game showed exactly why he was picked. I think Australia fear him a lot more than Pope.
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Joe Root had started immaculately, but his first mistake was his last. He chased a wide half-volley from Starc, bowled from round the wicket, and snicked it through to Carey. His bat also hit the ground, which confused the umpire, but Australia were very confident and took the matter upstairs. The healthiest of spikes of Snicko confirmed what they already knew.
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WICKET! England 121-4 (Root c Carey b Starc 15)
The Ashes are staying in Australia.
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Australia appeal for caught behind against Root!
Remember that costly Brad Haddin drop at Cardiff in 2015? I think this might be a repeat, except Carey has taken the catch.
26th over: England 121-3 (Root 15, Brook 14) “Evening Rob,” says Phil Withall. “I’ve not managed to see much cricket today; that may well have been a fortunate outcome. However, in a real mood-lifting moment, my daughters have given me a Mr Potato Head toy of the Dude from Big Lebowski. It really ties the room together.”
You should try having Junior Soprano watching over you in the bedroom.
Brook is not out!
He was outside the line and it was probably going over as well. A poor review.
Australia review for LBW against Brook!
Scott Boland replaces Neser. His first ball keeps very low and beats Brook outside off stump; that uneven bounce is fast becoming a factor in this game and you’d expect at least one more batter to be torpedoed.
Brook late cuts for four, then survives an LBW appeal after playing around an excellent nipbacker. It looks high but Australia have gone upstairs.
25th over: England 115-3 (Root 15, Brook 8) With an hour’s play remaining, Mitchell Starc returns in place of the quietly excellent Brendan Doggett (6-2-19-0). He starts around the wicket to Brook, who tucks a single off the hip, and keeps the same angle of attack to Root.
Sir Alastair Cook speculates that he’s trying to hit the big crack on off stump, as he did so spectacularly against James Vince at Perth in 2017. Nothing doing in that over; Root helps himself to a pair of twos, one on each side of the wicket.
24th over: England 110-3 (Root 11, Brook 7) Neser gets one to burst menacingly from a length towards Brook, who aborts his attacking stroke and is hit high on the bat. On the TV commentary, Sir Alastair Cook is bemoaning the ease with which Neser was given both wickets by Pope and Crawley; it’s hard to argue.
23rd over: England 107-3 (Root 11, Brook 4) Root steers Doggett through the slips for four, a deliberate, well-controlled stroke, and times a cut for two more. Doggett responds with an excellent delivery that keeps a bit low, beats Root and only just misses the off stump.
If England can get a lead of 200 – I know, I know – they will fancy their chances of a pitch that looks increasingly uneven. Right now, with England still 70 runs behind, Australia hold every single ace.
“On a positive note,” writes Stef, “at least this game lasted longer than the first Test. After that? I hear the weather’s nice over there!”
And Swans have just released a great new pop song. It’s the sound of summer!
22nd over: England 101-3 (Root 5, Brook 4) Goodness me. Brook’s first ball seams back dramatically to hit the pad and is smartly taken by Carey. At first I thought it had bowled him; in fact Australia were appealing unsuccessfully, for caught behind.
Brook gets off the mark with a boundary to fine leg.
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Drinks: England trail by 80 runs
Harry Brook is the new batter. Enough said.
We anticipated a gazillion scenarios ahead of this Ashes series. Michael Neser putting Australia 2-0 up via the medium of caught-and-bowleds wasn’t on the list – but he has taken two in quick succession to put the Aussies in complete control. Crawley scuffed an ill-conceived drive back towards Neser, who reached to his right to take a brilliant two-handed catch.
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WICKET! England 97-3 (Crawley ct and b Neser 44)
Another one gone!
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21st over: England 95-2 (Crawley 42, Root 5) A maiden from Doggett to Root. Pressure’s building.
“I wonder if Ollie Pope is not well served by Bazball,” writes Jonathan Wood. “He just doesn’t seem suited to it, and has lost his way. When he was just playing for Surrey, he reminded me of Ian Bell; and now he reminds me of the Ian Bell who struggled in the England team like little boy lost. Bell eventually found confidence in his ability to do things his way, and became the best English batsman for a couple of years. Maybe Pope needs to find his own way too.
“McCullum is all for players expressing themselves in their own way. If this is Pope’s way, he’s preparing like Spud prepared for job interviews.”
Our imaginary legal department would like to point out this is a metaphorical comparison, and that Pope doesn’t enjoy a little dab o’ speed before he goes out to bat. You might be right, though I still think the biggest problem is that he’s just not a No3. When he batted down the order in New Zealand last year he counter-attacked beautifully, and though he still took risks he seemed to manage them a lot better. I would also argue he’d lost his way before Bazball; remember that horror trot in 2021.
20th over: England 95-2 (Crawley 42, Root 5) Carey is up to the stumps for both players with Neser bowling. An accurate over from him, just one from it.
Crawley has gone down the gears: 39 from his first 41 balls, 3 from the last 16.
19th over: England 94-2 (Crawley 42, Root 4) We haven’t seen a pitch map but it feels like Australia are bowling straighter and fuller than England. That’s partly because the pitch is more worn so there’s a greater chance of uneven bounce; it’s also a better approach at the Gabba full stop, especially the length.
Root has started calmly, as if continuing his first innings rather than starting afresh, and pulls Doggett’s last ball round the corner to keep the stirke.
“Pope shouldn’t have been facing that ball,” says Phil Harrison. “The last ball of the previous over should have been given as four. Yes, these grapes are rather sour since you ask...”
Fire up the Ultra-Processed Beef Maker!
18th over: England 93-2 (Crawley 42, Root 3) Alex Carey comes straight up to the stumps to ensure Joe Root can’t bat outside his crease against Neser. If Australia get Root tonight they will be in a great position to go 2-0 up; England aren’t coming back from that, certainly not to win the series.
“Hi Rob,” says Patrick O’Brien. “Currently enjoying that under appreciated Swans B-side: ‘This is the least threatening Australian bowling attack in living memory and England should stop arguing about philosophical names for their approach and just get on with winning this Test because they’re clearly good enough to do so.’ Clocked in at a breezy - for them - 7:54, if I recall correctly.”
That’s 7hrs 54mins, right?
That was Pope’s eighth innings against Australia in the Bazball era. Five have ended between 26 and 46, and he still hasn’t reached fifty. He’s no Magnus Magnusson.
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WICKET! England 90-2 (Pope ct and b Neser 26)
We need to talk about Ollie. Another skittish cameo from Pope comes to an end when he punches a drive straight back at the new bowler Michael Neser, who leaps to take a smart two-handed catch. Pope goes for 26 from 32 balls.
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17th over: England 90-1 (Crawley 42, Pope 26) I thought Starc was into his work but he’s been replaced by Doggett. Perhaps he’ll change ends, or maybe he’s being saved for the arrival of Joe Root.
Pope hits two streaky boundaries – a drive that just clears cover and a flashing edge over the slips – before clipping three through square leg. Boland did really well to save the boundary.
“I don’t want to distract your audience from the unique experience which is watching Ollie Pope start an innings, but I feel duty bound to point out that the West Indies fourth innings in Christchurch is a joy for scorecard fans,” writes Rob Knap. “Kemar Roach’s 233-ball 58 is a personal highlight.”
16th over: England 78-1 (Crawley 42, Pope 15)
15th over: England 77-1 (Crawley 41, Pope 15) After an iffy first spell, Starc is getting into his work now. Pope is suckered into chasing a very wide ball that zips past the edge. England’s batters are magnetised towards that delivery.
“Does Ollie Pope has a spider in his undercrackers?” says Paul Turp. “He’s absolutely manic.”
I heard it was a marmot. But it may have gone now because he has looked calmer in the last 5-10 minutes. Calmer than you are.
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14th over: England 76-1 (Crawley 40, Pope 15) Pope drives Boland sweetly through mid-off for four. That’s a beautiful stroke, his best yet, and he is starting to look a little calmer. His heart rate may even have dropped below 150.
“Thing is,” says James Kettle, “Bazball removes the old idea that the primary motive in Test match strategy is the desperate avoidance of defeat. And I liked those stakes, and thought they were worth setting aside five days at a time to follow! No shade on those that like the new stuff but it does feel like a different format and the tragedy is you can’t have both.”
That’s a good point – although it was kind of dying anyway. Since the glorious rearguard in New Zealand in 2012-13, when Monty Panesar swam to safety, England have only once batted for more than 70 overs to save a game in the fourth innings. That was at Sydney on the last Ashes tour.
13th over: England 71-1 (Crawley 39, Pope 11) Pope plays a more controlled stroke, push-driving Starc for three to move into double figures. Crawley borrows the cat-on-a-hot-tin-roof baton from Pope, eding a very loose drive over the slips for four. Careful now.
Another exhilarating over ends with Pope digging out a gorgeous curving yorker from Starc. Well played.
“Huge thanks for your recognition of the presumably quite small but very real Venn diagram of cricket fans/Swans fans,” writes Xav from Cardiff. “Proof that there’s at least two of every type of person.”
It’s just a great pop song!
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12th over: England 63-1 (Crawley 34, Pope 8) Boland’s first poor delivery is dealt with efficiently by Pope, who flicks it to fine leg for four. He’s getting some unpleasant bounce, though, and twice hits Pope high on the bat during that over.
England, rightly or wrongly, won’t accept being a punchbag for Boland. Crawley proves that point with a gorgeous drive through mid-on – then fresh-airs a wild slap well wide of off stump. Compelling stuff.
“Inspired by your invocation of the mathematical Starc formula,” begins Brian Withington, “I am pleased to announce a comparison of first innings scores that has England way ahead of the opposition.
“The measure is of course standard deviation, the cognoscenti’s only true arbiter of an innings, and the England batters have utterly dominated with an SD of 40.9 to Australia’s rather shabby 23.0 – obviously I use N=11 rather than 10 in the divisor of the sum of squares about the mean, and will fight anyone who argues otherwise (although it does produce an even higher figure).
“England’s magnificent distribution reflects Joe Root’s 138* outlier alongside four ducks, whereas the conformist Australian batters were all confined to double figures.”
Does that make England’s first innings at Trinidad in 1986 an unqualified triumph?
11th over: England 52-1 (Crawley 30, Pope 1) Oh, hi Starc! Yep, Mitchell is back to replace Doggett, a good move given the change in mood of both the match and the pink ball. Crawley suddenly looks nervous, wide-eyed, and is a bit fortunate when a thick inside-edge flies away for a couple of runs.
No real swing in that over from Starc, but he was very accurate and Crawley had to defend, I think, four of the six deliveries.
“It’s funny/ironic that the anti-Bazball folk often seem guilty of the same flaws that they accuse the Bazzers of having,” writes Alanis Morr- Niall Mullen. “A one-eyed refusal to believe that things could be done a different way vs a one-eyed view that things must only be done a different way. Who is going to care for all those babies getting thrown out with the bath water?”
10th over: England 50-1 (Crawley 28, Pope 1) They said it changes when the sun goes down around here. That’s exactly what’s happening, with Boland and Doggett making the ball nibble just enough to threaten both edges of the bat.
A beauty from Boland nips back to hit Crawley on the pad and deflect through to Carey. Australia go up for everything, just in case there’s an inside edge, but it missed the bat and was too high for the LBW. Even so, these are excellent signs for Australia.
Boland has a better LBW shout against Pope turned down later in the over. Outside the line, I reckon, but it was close and Pope’s beans are going like a pinball machine.
This is outstanding, aggressive (in the sense of making the batters play) bowling from Doggett and Boland. England were 45 for 0 from six overs at tea; since the break they’re 5 for 1 from four.
9th over: England 49-1 (Crawley 27, Pope 1) Another leading edge from Pope falls safely on the off side. After a strikingly serene performance at Perth, he’s like a cat on a hot tin roof again. An accurate, make'-em-play maiden from Doggett, who has started superbly.
“Like most people I do wish sometimes England would in key moments bat a little more carefully,” says Steve Hudson. “But the howls of hostility from many England fans towards the aggressive approach under McCullum is very depressing.
“It has its faults but Bazball has given us so many wonderful moments, and wonderful victories. Do they forget the absolute state of our team at the point Stokes was made captain? Here’s hoping Crawley scores a ton here batting left handed, just to bloody show them.”
They’re the most life-affirming England team I’ve watched, in any sport. But I understand the opprobrium because I’m fairly sure my 30-year-old self would have been howling with hostility. This team often make me think of a great quote in Christian Ryan’s wonderful book about Kim Hughes: “I have most admired him,” said Des Hoare, his captain at Subiaco, “because he had the courage and the ability not to become ordinary.”
8th over: England 49-1 (Crawley 27, Pope 1) Ollie Pope, on a pair, almost goes first ball when a hard-handed leading edge drops just short of Boland in his follow-through. He gets off the mark next ball.
That ball to Duckett definitely kept low, grotesquely so in fact, so Australia will be targeting the stumps from now on.
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WICKET! England 48-1 (Duckett b Boland 15)
Scott Boland has struck in his first over! Duckett played a defensive stroke into the ground and was mortified to see, or rather hear, the ball bounce under his bat and onto the stumps. It must have kept a bit low.
Duckett’s poor series continues: he has 64 runs in four innings.
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7th over: England 46-0 (Crawley 26, Duckett 14) Brendan Doggett replaces Mitchell Starc and makes a superb start. He beats both batters (Duckett’s was a half-leave) and has an LBW appeal turned down when Crawley pushes around a nipbacker. Too high but beautifully bowled.
“English fatalism is my favourite meal, Rob,” says Eamonn Maloney, “but it’s a little early to declare Bazball Fawlty.”
Especially as, for the openers at least, duck’s off!
The players are back on the field. A not insignificant two and a half hour session is about to begin.
Teatime reading
We receive a lot of emails to the OBO, so it’s rarely possible to read them all in real time. That was the case with this email from Abhishek Chopra about the last-wicket partnership of 20 between Scott Boland and Brendan Doggett – but it’s well worth posting after the event.
Any records waiting to be broken for the highest last-wicket stand between two people of Indigenous origin? The 1868 party must be looking at these two from up above with such pride.
Tea/Dinner: England trail by 132 runs
6th over: England 45-0 (Crawley 26, Duckett 13) Too straight from Neser to Crawley, who puts him away through midwicket for three. Duckett mistimes a push at Neser that teases mid-off before bouncing short and scuttling under the fielder for three more.
Thus ends a good mini-session for England, who have shaved off a quarter of the deficit in only six overs. Zak Crawley played some brilliant strokes en route to 26 from 23 balls; Ben Duckett was busy but less fluent and was dropped by Michael Neser.
“Agree - McCullum will resign if we lose this series heavily,” says Joshua Keeling (see 4th over). “But you know what, there’s always a chance. This Test isn’t over, and there are three more after this. Now, if Crawley could just for once leave the bloody ball on the rise outside off stump, it would really help my blood pressure.”
If England save this Test, a Brobdingnagian ‘if’ despite this fine start, they will be on par with the 2010-11 team: draw in Brisbane, defeat at Perth. They’re coming home!
5th over: England 39-0 (Crawley 23, Duckett 10) Crawley drives two majestic boundaries off Starc, the first through mid-off and the second through extra cover. This pitch is one flat mother.
Crawley, full of fizz after those two boundaries, tries for a third and is beaten. It was clever bowling from Starc, who pulled his length back in the assumption/knowledge that Crawley would want to go for the drive again.
A fine over for England though, 13 from it. Starc has figures of 3-0-25-0.
Duckett dropped by Neser!
4th over: England 26-0 (Crawley 12, Duckett 10) Duckett haddocks the ball straight back at Neser, who puts down a seriously tough chance above his left shoulder. Careful now, Benjamin.
The next ball curves down the leg side for four byes. Not sure why it wasn’t called wide, and we’ll surely reflect on that when this match ends in a tie on the final day. Duckett hits his first boundary to end the over.
“Bazball has been brilliant to watch over the last few years,” writes Joshua Keeling. “It has revitalised Test cricket in this country, and been incredibly entertaining. But the stated aim has always been to build towards winning an Ashes series. And if they lose this series heavily, Bazball will have failed on its own terms.
”All that said, come on England…”
If England are hammered here, do you think they will move the goalposts and begin Project 2027 Ashes? Normally that’s what would happen but I’m not sure Key, Stokes and McCullum will be able to lie to themselves and each other. Certainly not all three.
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3rd over: England 18-0 (Crawley 12, Duckett 6) Thanks to Lee Henderson for directing us to the weather forecast for the last two days of this game: small chance of thunderstorms, 0.001 per cent chance of an apocalypse.
Starc beats Duckett with a beautiful outswinger, just full of a good length. Duckett clips confidently for three, then Crawley fizzes a clip to the square leg boundary. Give or take, the first three overs have gone perfectly for England.
“It’s clear after four and a half days of the series that Emperor Baz has no new clothing,” says Darryl Accone. “The Baz haute couture, ‘We trust in the process’, has been exposed for the sham and hauteur that it is. Baz sold Robert Key an empty wardrobe and the sooner England cricket divests itself of all three the better.
“Beyond process, Baz has selected a squad of batters who, with one exception, can’t or don’t bat; of bowlers who can’t keep line and length and are knackered after managing only 73 overs in a day; of a wickie who might flash the odd quick 20 or 30 but can’t catch. It’s genius, Baznosis, perhaps the most egregious act of mass hypnosis ever perpetrated on an unsuspecting (and suspecting!) public.
“Baznosis, Bazball: when it’s all over perhaps another urn, with the ashes of burnt Baz artefacts like that baseball cap, will be in order.”
Politely, meekly but firmly, I could not disagree more. This isn’t the time for that discussion, though. If the series plays out as most expect, there will be plenty of time for a Baztopsy. And for dreamers like me to defend a team that has just been plugged 4-0.
2nd over: England 9-0 (Crawley 6, Duckett 3) Crawley offers no stroke to Neser’s first ball, which swings seductively but from well wide of off stump. A straight delivery is clipped confidently for the first boundary by Crawley; this is now England’s highest opening partnership of the series.
There’s a terrifyingly long way to go but England will be pleased with how they’ve started, and how little the new pink ball has swung. Yet. (NB: Clip contains adult language, probably, there isn’t time to check the whole thing.)
“England are f**ked, Rob,” says Simon McMahon. “Unless something very strange happens. Desperate times call for desperate measures...”
Free George Davis!
Breaking news: Mitchell Starc hasn't taken a wicket in his first over
1st over: England 5-0 (Crawley 2, Duckett 3) Starc has three slips and a gully for Crawley, who pushes the second ball towards mid-off for a single. Duckett gets off a king pair with a slightly awkward defensive stroke – and then off a pair with a crisp flick through square leg for three. Not much swing for Starc, who goes wicketless in the first over for the first time in the series.
“I agree, the pitch does look good for batting,” says Andrew Goudie. “I’ll stick my neck out and say England will make Australia bat again.”
Tonight, presumably.
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Complete the equation
Mitchell Starc + new pink ball x twilight = ???
We’re about to find out.
Cue operatic music England have been preparing for this Ashes series for three and a half years. Unless they ace the next three and a half hours, it will be over before the Radio Times Christmas edition has been published.
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“Does anyone have any good recipes,” says Paul Griffin, “or tips for getting lard stains out of carpets?”
Afraid not, but have you heard this great new pop song?
“G’day Rob,” writes Chris Paraskevas. “Hope you’re well! Firstly, everyone take a deep breath, put the packet of Penguin Bars/ Tim Tams down, hit pause on that video of Chris Tavare hitting a six on YouTube (yes, it did happen!) and give yourselves a HUGE pat on the back...
“Congratulations: You made it to Test two, day three of the 2025 Liqourland Ashes Series!
“It might not seem much of an accomplishment to the untrained eye, particularly when you consider England only survived 1.75 days in the first Test and have only played four days of actual cricket on this Homeric tour. But we are all sporting massive hangovers/Scarface chainsaw-level headaches for different reasons.
“History won’t forget the sacrifices we’ve all made to be here right now on the OBO: sleep, mental health, relationships, our dignity, the ability to form cohesive sentences, a fully functioning liver.
“Anyway, as I said yesterday I’m not having another drink until Xmas Day and even then I’ll need to ‘leave some in the tank’ for NYE.
“PS. Pretty much touched 40 degrees Celcius in Sydney today. Couldn’t force myself to the pub on the corner for Hair Of The Dog treatment. I just don’t have what it takes to play cricket for Australia...”
Speak for yourself, Chris. I’m whistling Happy Go Lucky Me, and my Body Battery has just hit 110 per cent.
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“Is this one of the highest scores made without a century being scored?” asks Jeremy Stokes.
I can think of at least two higher scores in Tests – South Africa v Australia in 1997-98, when they picked the strongest tail in history, and India v New Zealand in 1976-77. But this must be in the top five.
Edit: it is in the top five. At number five in fact.
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WICKET! Australia 511 all out (Doggett c Brook b Jacks 13)
The Australian innings comes to an end when Doggett edges Jacks to slip. Australia only batted for 117.3 overs, which isn’t that much in the grand scheme, but it felt like they were batting forever. More importantly, they lead by 177 and will be bowling with a new ball just as day turns to night.
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117th over: Australia 511-9 (Boland 21, Doggett 13) Carse tries his luck around the wicket, and gets none Boland misses a windy woof outside off stump. The pitch is so flat, which should give England hope. The worry is that Mitchell Starc will make the pink ball talk so incessantly that the pitch will become irrelevant.
“OK,” says Max Williams, “simple plan: pretend it’s a fourth-innings chase, race to 380 for 6 and skittle them under lights tomorrow evening. Golf on Monday.”
Don’t take this the wrong way, Max, BUT I AM NOT EFFING READY FOR EFFING GALLOWS EFFING HUMOUR IT’S DAY FIVE OF THE SERIES FFS.
116th over: Australia 508-9 (Boland 20, Doggett 12) Doggett, pushing forward defensively, edges Brook this far short of Brook at slip. And why not?
Doggett has reached double figures now, completing the set for this innings: his 12 not out is the lowest score by an Australian batter. I’d need to check to be sure, but I think the last time all 11 players reached double figures in an Ashes Test was England’s first innings at Sydney in December 1928.
Australia have never done it before in an Ashes Test. And the last time they did it against any opposition in a Test was the famous heist at Colombo in 1992.
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115th over: Australia 504-9 (Boland 19, Doggett 9) Australia lead by 170.
114th over: Australia 502-9 (Boland 17, Doggett 9) Cheers Jim, hello everyone. Ben Doggett cuts Jacks for four to bring up the 500, a score that looked unlikely when Australia were 0 for 0 and most people thought England’s 334 was a competitive total. <England> On the plus side</England>, this pitch looks really good for batting now. If the new ball doesn’t swing, England could take this game into a fourth day!!! save this game.
113th over: Australia 496-9 (Boland 16, Doggett 4) Brydon Carse thunders in once more but its all pretty futile. The Gabbatroopers do the YMCA and drinks are taken on the field.
Rob Smyth is here to shepherd you to the end of this innings and then call some tasty stuff under lights. Thanks for your company, I’ll be back tomorrow morning, if England are.
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112th over: Australia 495-9 (Boland 16, Doggett 3) Jacks beats Doggett with one that grips in the surface a little. Two further singles added. Australia’s lead is up to 161.
“That last wicket was such a bizarre dismissal” emails Martin Burley. “England managed to hold on to a catch?!”
111th over: Australia 491-9 (Boland 15, Doggett 2) Brendon Doggett is Australia’s last man, the pitch is now completely in shadow. Perfect conditions for a fast bowler to have a dart at England before the dinner break. Doggett clips off his hip for two runs and the lead swells to 159.
WICKET! Mitchell Starc c Stokes b Carse 77 (Australia 491-9)
Brydon’s dan sammink! Mitchell Starc is OUT! A lofted swat is well caught by Stokes at mid off despite Ben Duckett almost colliding with him. Leave it Ducky!
What an innings from Starc, he departs to a rapturous reception from the Gabba faithful, this is firmly his Ashes series at the moment.
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110th over: Australia 491-8 (Starc 77, Boland 15) Starc takes a single off Jacks, Brydon Carse is going to replace Gus Atkinson.
109th over: Australia 490-8 (Starc 76, Boland 15) Starc crunches Atkinson for two fours to go to 75 and Australia’s lead past 150. A quick single off the final ball of the over sees Scarp scampering for his ground, Brydon Carse has a shy at the stumps but is is a wild throw (quelle suprise?) and it hits Starc in the lower back. After a short delay he is fine to continue but it looks like it is a sore elbow that is giving him a bit jip. Batter’s elbow Starcy?
108th over: Australia 480-8 (Starc 67, Boland 15) Just a single off Jacks as Australia march on. The shadows are almost onto the wicket now. Starc is hurting England with the bat but just wait til he gets the ball in his hand under lights.
107th over: Australia 479-8 (Starc 66, Boland 15) Starc clips a single off Atkinson to take Australia’s lead to 145.
“Forget about Bazball, I say to my son as we bond over an early morning Ashes viewing. Watching your team get ground slowly into the Australian dirt is what Christmas is all about. A cherished tradition passed down from one generation to the next. Comforting, really.”
World Class parenting, Jonathan Vincent!
106th over: Australia 478-8 (Starc 65, Boland 15) Jacks bowls a maiden. Sweet, sweet relief.
105th over: Australia 478-8 (Starc 65, Boland 15) Starc plays a blistering cover drive for four and then caresses Atkinson in front of square for a consecutive boundary. He has a Test 99 but never a century… could today be the day to get the monkey off his back?!
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104th over: Australia 470-8 (Starc 57, Boland 15) Jacks tosses up a floaty half volley and Scott Boland crunches it for four. This partnership is now the second longest of the match after the one between Root and Crawley in England’s first innings.
Underneath my seat a man dressed as Queen Elizabeth II has his plastic mace confiscated. It feels quite symbolic.
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103rd over: Australia 465-8 (Starc 56, Boland 11) Boland hacks an inside edge past his stumps and away for four! The shadows lengthen and the Gabbatroopers cheer.
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102nd over: Australia 461-8 (Starc 56, Boland 7) Jacks whirls through a maiden.
“Waking up in the lovely medieval city of Perugia bathed in sunshine. What could possibly deflate the spirits?”
I fear for you here Colum Fordham.
“Oh, I could always check the OBO to see if England have kept the Aussie lead to a bare minimum. Ah, but Starc is having a field day with the bat ably assisted by that batting phenomenon Boland. I suppose I’ll have to look on the bright side. Pat Cummins should be fit for the third test and Australia might just have the upper hand. PS. Happy birthday to my wife Roberta. Could you give her a shout out? Not a big cricket fan tbh. Lucky her.”
Happy Birthday Roberta! May Mitchell Starc get a century and five-fer in your honour!
How about that shot from Mitchell Starc to bring up 50!#Ashes | #MilestoneMoment | @nrmainsurance pic.twitter.com/fq6JmqMUP1
— cricket.com.au (@cricketcomau) December 6, 2025
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101st over: Australia 461-8 (Starc 56, Boland 7) A waggish friend texts to say “The longer Starc bats, the more tired he will be this evening…” Yes that is exactly the right straw to clutch. Atkinson oversteps with his front foot and serves up a half volley that Starc marmalises down the ground for four. “We’re entering sh***show” territory” the experienced cricket correspondent and Ashes tour veteran whispers next to me.
100th over: Australia 455-8 (Starc 51, Boland 7) Will Jacks starts after the interval to Starc and a spread field. A long stride from Starc smothers any spin before he opens the shoulders and slaps through the gap at midwicket to go to fifty! What a series he is having by the way, after 4 and a bit days.
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“Morning Jim, here in dreary West Yorkshire I’m following this nonsense whilst finishing off some work. It is better than no cricket on... I think” writes Andrew Bennett.
“Question - do you think McCullum and Stokes reflect on the entirely sensible but also ruthless approach to batting from Boland and Starc and perhaps think they’ve gone about things the wrong way? Or do they genuinely ignore the “outside noise”?”
There will be some learnings to be taken Andrew, but after the match. They’ll also likely go down like a cup of cold sick.
England’s fielders gather on the Gabba boundary, Will Jacks bowls into a mitt and Gus Atkinson joins him. The shadows are starting to elongate across to the right of us here at the Vulture St end. The metaphorical vultures will be circling for England later this afternoon unless they can do something remarkable with the bat. More likely Mitchell Starc is going to pick over their carcass and have a ruddy good time doing so.
Mitchell Starc is currently averaging 58 with the bat and 11.75 with the ball in this Ashes series.
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Tea/First Break - Australia 450-8 (Lead by 116 runs)
99th over: Australia 450-8 (Starc 50, Boland 7) Starc bunts Carse over the covers for three and that takes Australia to 450 and the lead at the lunch/tea/first break is 116 runs.
A bruising session for England, they will still have to come out after the interval to try and get the two final Australia wickets. It’s all going very much to plan for the home side, the lights will start to take effect about an hour into the second session.
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98th over: Australia 447-8 (Starc 47, Boland 7) Will Jacks rattles through an over of completely harmless off spin. Starc pats one to Ollie Pope at short leg who has a pointless shy at the stumps and gifts the big man a single and the chance to get down the other end for the next over. Whoops.
It’ll be nice for Starc to chalk up a half century with the bat, he needs to take a bit of a confidence boost into his bowling…
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97th over: Australia 446-8 (Starc 42, Boland 7) “It’s pretty tough on Boland and Starc the way England are forcing them to hit boundaries in the baking sun.” The OBO as ever keeping us all sane. Brydon Carse bowls a maiden and Will Jacks is summoned!
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96th over: Australia 446-8 (Starc 42, Boland 7) Boland guides a four down to the vacant third man and it’s another boundary to Australia in that region. There have been so many there that the wagon wheel is enough to make a grown man weep. Not me, obvs.
Boland flicks a single uppishly but short of a diving Duckett. Bosh! Starc drives Stokes through the covers for four. We are getting into wheels off territory here.
England have come undone.
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95th over: Australia 437-8 (Starc 38, Boland 2) Carse continues with the short stuff with a short leg in place but no slips. It looks absolutely knackering. Starc gets width and flat bats a four up to the Gabbatroopers and they lose their collective. A drive down ground sees Australia’s lead stretch past 100 runs! This is punishing for England.
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94th over: Australia 429-8 (Starc 30, Boland 2) Ben Stokes, glimmering with sweat and puce in the gills beats both Starc and Boland but there’s still no breakthrough for England. They’ve been out there for an hour and thirty-five minutes this morning.
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93rd over: Australia 427-8 (Starc 29, Boland 1) Pope is under the lid at short leg as Carse bangs in an over of short stuff. It’s a maiden but England are still out there, toiling under the hot Brisbane sun.
92nd over: Australia 427-8 (Starc 29, Boland 1) Stokes beats Starc and then finds his edge but it doesn’t carry to the slips. The good news for England is that this pitch looks flatter than ten day old lemonade. The bad news is Australia are happy to eke it out and make sure they will be bowling in the more conducive conditions. It’s ruthless and clever from the Aussies.
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91st over: Australia 426-8 (Starc 28, Boland 1) BrydonCarse Revisited. The beleaguered Carse returns and nearly picks up Starc, a flat batted hack landing just short of Jofra Archer at mid-on. Ben Stokes takes the ball and brings himself on for a bowl. If you need a job doing…
90th over: Australia 425-8 (Starc 27, Boland 1) Archer rips one through Boland but it misses the stumps and the edge, clipping the back leg on the way to Jamie Smith. Archer appeals but with no joy and England don’t review. Australia are very happy to keep England out there in this heat.
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89th over: Australia 425-8 (Starc 27, Boland 1) Atkinson goes to a bumper policy, somewhat confusingly, but finds his line with two good length deliveries to complete another maiden. No it’s you’re belief that is getting sapped away.
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88th over: Australia 425-8 (Starc 27, Boland 1) Boland pulls Archer sketchily to get off the mark. Starc then carves a loose ball for four. Gah.
“If Australia does go on and win sometime tomorrow, my heart goes out to all of us at OBO who have spent the last few years performing what we thought was the valuable service of dissecting how England could win in Oz, what the best team was, only to find out the answer is they can’t and there isn’t one. But enough of that, any thoughts who would be in your team for 2027?”
I actually don’t think i’ve got the minerals in me to take this on, profuse apologies Peter Salmon. Ben McKinney maybe? The ghost of Len Hutton? We’re only 4 and bit days into this series of series and it feels like it could be all over already. I flew all around the world and left my wife and young daughter behind for this bullsh**.
87th over: Australia 419-8 (Starc 22, Boland 0) Atkinson bowls a tidy maiden to Starc and that’s the BIG FIRST HOUR done with. England have winkled out Neser and Carey but Australia have increased their lead to 85 runs. You know what that means… BIG SECOND HOUR.
86th over: Australia 419-8 (Starc 22, Boland 0) Just a single off Jofra’s latest as Australia increase the lead to 85 runs.
Sandy C is a bit confuddled:
“What’s with the Star Wars take over of the Gabba? And why is ‘I want it that way’ by Backstreet Boys the song of choice for the Barmy Army trumpeter?”
No idea on the former or indeed the latter. That is an ear worm by the Backstreet Boys though, I’ll be “Tell me why-ing!” inadvertently at some point today no doubt. A memory soars into my cortex of my eldest brother performing that song acapella in front of our whole school in 1999. And you think you’ve got cojones. Let’s just say it’s a punchy key change.
85th over: Australia 418-8 (Starc 21, Boland 0) Atkinson continues. Starc tries a big yahooo but misses. He takes a single off the fourth ball to leave Boland with two balls to face. Atkinson beats hime with beauty to finish with. Where was this length yesterday fellas?
Paul O’Neil speaks for a lot of awaking English fans:
Hi Jim, I’m already anxious about England batting. I was here two weeks ago - that Saturday morning collapse - and it literally ruined my weekend. I’m 51, I’ve got a mortgage and a pile of marking to do. I don’t need this s**t.”
84th over: Australia 417-8 (Starc 20, Boland 0) Scott Boland is the new man but as Atkinson struck off the final ball of the over he won’t be on strike. Starc turns down what could have been an easy two off Archer. Not sure about that. He does take a single off the fifth ball of the over so Archer will have one ball at Boland. A fast ball from Archer but Boland plays it well, dropping his hands and letting it pass through to Smith.
WICKET! Alex Carey c Smith b Atkinson 63 (Australia 416-8)
Gus Atkinson gets his first wicket of the series and it is the big one of Alex Carey! A wild swish is edged and caught by Smith. England don’t celebrate with gleeful abandon, understandably but that is a big wicket, Carey could have made things a whole lot worse for them this morning. The lead stands at 82, Australia have two wickets left.
83rd over: Australia 417-8 (Starc 19, Boland 0)
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82nd over: Australia 412-7 (Carey 60, Starc 18) Archer takes the new ball from the Stanley St end. Carey gets in a tangle to a short ball but gets off strike. Starc then clips a wayward leg side ball for four down to fine leg. Directly underneath the OBO’s perch some Bobby’s on the beat arrive to sit in the next bank of seats to the Gabbatroopers. Could get spicy a little later on.
This partnership between Starc and Carey goes into the 30s, the lead is up to 78 for Australia.
81st over: Australia 407-7 (Carey 59, Starc 14) Gus Atkinson has still not taken a wicket in the series. Every over that sees the scoreboard tick over is a double wound for England in that it is more deficit to knock off before they can even think about setting as fourth innings target, it is also more time spent under the baking sun and the more time they will be batting under the trickier nighttime conditions later on today. Hang on, maybe that is a triple wound?
80th over: Australia 404-7 (Carey 58, Starc 12) Starc guides Stokes for two and a brace of singles are picked off to make if four off the over.
“Hello Jim. Gervase Greene here. I presume they are holding back Jofra Archer for the new ball, but given England need a double breakthrough RIGHT NOW do you think that is wise? Archer is supposed to be their premier strike weapon, and Australia will be about 100 ahead by then. Maybe more. The aphorism about horses having bolted comes to mind…”
The new ball is indeed being taken, Gus Atkinson is going to have first use.
79th over: Australia 401-7 (Carey 57, Starc 12) Brydon Carse is flogged away for consecutive boundaries by Mitchell Starc! I’m sorry but that is poor bowling – short and with plenty of width for Start to throw the bat at it. That brings up Australia’s 400 and the lead is stretched to 67 runs. We’re into dangerous territory already for England after that loose Carse over. They need three quick strikes here to have any hope.
Never fear England fans, there’s one more over til the new ball. Oh, you’re still thiknig about that ominous lead aren’t you?
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78th over: Australia 392-7 (Carey 57, Starc 2) Just a single off Stokes to Carey and Starc is beaten by a beauty that skims past the outside edge.
77th over: Australia 391-7 (Carey 56, Starc 2) “Those Gabbatroopers. Are they from Starc Wars?” asks Andrew Goudie. BuddddummmChhhh.
They certainly gave their man a hearty cheer as he arrived in the middle. Alex Carey gives them even more to audibly appreciate with a ramp off Carey for a one bounce four. A tucked single to leg brings Starc on strike and the tall fast bowler nearly runs his partner out with a sketchy single off his first ball! Stokes’ throw was a wild one in the end and the single is safely notched.
76th over: Australia 383-7 (Carey 50, Starc 0) Mitchell Starc joins Carey in the middle. We might see some opening of the shoulders here now.
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WICKET! Michael Neser c Smith b Stokes 16 (Australia 383-7)
Carey angles away for a single that takes him to 50. The Aussie crowd stand and applaud. He’s a dangerous player, England will be very wary of him taking the game well out of their reach. He was dropped on nought of couse, penny for Ben Duckett’s thoughts.
Gone! Stokes punches the air with a real look of determination as he gets rid of Michael Neser with his final ball. A regulation nick and Jamie Smith holds the chance. England get an early breakthrough.
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75th over: Australia 382-6 (Carey 49, Neser 16) Carse slams down some short stuff into the middle of the pitch, Carey and Neser are watchful and pick up singles into the vacant leg side with the feel spread. Carey keeps strike with a single and goes onto 49.
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74th over: Australia 379-6 (Carey 47, Neser 15) Stokes starts around the wicket to the left-handed Alex Carey. Two slips in place. The first ball is defended for a dot and the next is guided behind point for a single that brings up the fifty partnership between Carey and Neser. It’s a wounding one for England.
Stokes bustles through the over, finding a good length and four dots to Neser. Brydon Carse is going to start from the other end, he had a bruising day yesterday, a couple of wickets here would take the edge off.
England gather on the boundary edge, the sun is beating down here in Brisbane, it is 29 degrees and quite humid. Hot enough for the pitch-side broadcasters to be sheltering under parasols.
Ben Stokes and Joe Root share a giggle as they wait to enter the field of play. They look pretty relaxed but they’ll know deep down this is it.
Pantomime boos ring out from the Gabbatroopers as England take the field, followed by throaty chears for Carey and Neser.
Right here we go. Buckle up. Ben Stokes is going to start with the ball from the Stanley Street End. BIG FIRST HOUR. Let’s play!
These guys are sat right beneath us. No chance they’ll put me off my OBO-ing stride. (Gulp)
“Call that a pithy update Wallooooo, you SUCK!”
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The new ball is seven overs away for England, the huge question is how long and how many for Australia with the bat. The lead stands at 44, which already feels seismic given how England – bar Joe Root – batted in the first innings. A lead of over 100 could be terminal for England.
There’s talk in the press box from the more misty eyed English journos of today being the day for a Harry Brook special. That’d make things interesting wouldn’t it?
We’ve got ten minutes until day three gets underway. Did I mention – BIG FIRST HOUR!
We interrupt this broadcast…
“Hi Jim, over in New Zealand, West Indies are 415 for 6 needing 116 more for a ridiculous victory in the final session. It is simply glorious.”
Thanks Yacine Semmar. Down to 106 now… are the West Indies going to break their own World Record?
We’re about 35 minutes away from that BIG FIRST HOUR. Time for me to tap up the media centre barista here at the Gabba and for you to delve into Ali Martin’s roundup of day two.
If you are tuning in then please do whang me down an email like a Brydon Carse short ball, all of your thoughts, theories, lamentations and gleeful crowings are welcome.
(Sort of)
Simon Burnton had the misfortune to have to write about one of England’s worst performances with the ball in recent memory.
Steve Smith looked ominously good for Australia yesterday before falling to an all-timer grab from Will Jacks.
Not before he notched up his 80th Test match fifty and his 26th against the old enemy.
Only two players have more in all of Ashes history — Jack Hobbs and Don Bradman. Smith is now level with Allan Border.
Geoff Lemon was watching on:
England had a shocker yesterday, five catches spilt, the cost of a couple – Alex Carey and Michael Neser – are yet to be fully told. Carey was on nought when Ben Duckett shelled him. The pint sized opener is having a match to forget, so far…
Preamble
The anticipation of death is worse than death itself ?
Death smiles at us all, all we can do is smile back.
For you are in Elysium and you are already dead.
We could go on. Here we are, three and a half years in the making and four days into the series and the Ashes are already on the line. Are we about to witness the Death of Bazball? The great unravelling of the great experiment? Or are Ben Stokes’ England side going to roar back into the series with one of their great days to follow directly on from one of their worst? Sat here at the Gabba, I know which one feels more likely.
Australia are 378-6 with Alex Carey and Michael Neser well set, a lead of 44 runs on first innings. The sun is beating down and to say this first hour of day three is crucial for the rest of the series is, for once, under playing it.
Hello and welcome to the OBO of day three of the second Ashes Test from Brisbane.
It looks like we might’ve made it to the end?
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