Family conflicts are normal. But when the bad blood begins to run deep, it could cause a severe strain in the relationships. Reddit user ITZEVERLYBEAR is currently dealing with this stressful situation as she also goes through her eighth month of pregnancy.
According to our original poster (OP), her aunt wants her to give up her baby to her infertile cousin. And she has been constantly harassed for not wanting to do so.
The OP now seeks support and advice from the Raised By Narcissists subreddit.
Many people have relatives who are difficult to deal with
A pregnant woman is being coerced by her aunt to give up her firstborn child to her infertile cousin
Image credits: voronaman111 / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
She has distanced herself from her aunt, but wants some advice and support from people online
Image credits: ITZEVERLYBEAR
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatolements (not the actual photo)
The woman also got in touch with the local church leader, who advised they undergo family counseling
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envatolements (not the actual photo)
She reached out to her cousin, but does not expect their relationship to be the same again
Image credits: ITZEVERLYBEAR
There is such a thing as genetic relational entitlement
Image credits: Pressmaster / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Based on the OP’s story, her aunt seemingly felt she had the right to her niece’s unborn daughter. Experts classify this behavior as a genetic relational entitlement.
According to trauma psychotherapist Amanda Ann Gregory, LCPC, people take advantage of blood relations by either believing they are owed a relationship or money, time, and communication.
Gregory also says the level of genetic connection and perceived power dynamics can lead to a greater sense of entitlement.
“You may feel more entitled to have a relationship with your sibling than a relationship with a second cousin,” she wrote in an article for Psychology Today. “You may [also] feel more entitled to have a relationship with an adult child (perceived as a past dependent) than having a relationship with a sibling (perceived as an equal).”
People can overcome their entitlement tendencies
Image credits: mstandret / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Entitled people aren’t lost causes, but they will need to do their part to improve things. Former clinical psychologist turned author Dr. Alice Boyes shared some tips in an article she wrote, beginning with what she describes as the practice of perspective-taking.
“Take a recent example of a time you got mildly annoyed with someone and spend three minutes writing about the situation from the other person’s perspective. Practice understanding what their agenda was.”
Lifting someone up is also a small yet effective practice to eliminate entitlement tendencies, according to Dr. Boyes.
“There is an area of social psychology research called capitalization research, which shows that promoting other people’s successes has a positive effect on the sharer,” she explained. “To make a project out of it, try promoting someone else other than yourself at least once a day for 30 days.”
The relationship between the OP and her aunt’s family is fixable if the latter can make an effort to work on themselves. Until then, it will be a lingering issue, which is always unfortunate among families.
Commenters were vocal about their feelings towards the aunt and mostly showed support for the OP
