Dear Anna,
I (24F, Scorpio) met a guy (26M) I like. I was curious so I did a bit of internet sleuthing and found out he is an Aquarius — my least compatible sign! Is there a point to pursuing a relationship or are we doomed from the start? So far we're just flirting, there's a lot of sexual tension, but nothing has come to pass. I don't want to get too far along only to realize it's pointless. Thanks! — Seeking To Avoid Resistant Signs
Dear STARS,
For help with your question, I reached out to Stephanie Campos, author of "Seasons of the Zodiac: Love, Magick + Manifestation Throughout the Astrological Year" and host of the podcast "Daily Horoscope for Your Zodiac Sign," who says, “this connection is still absolutely worth pursuing! Astrology is so much more complex than just your sun sign.”
I tend to agree. Compatibility involves a host of factors — some things you can control and some you can’t — but dismissing a potential love match based on the month they were born is oversimplifying (and overlooking) all the ways they might be a great fit for you.
“The truth is there is never any perfect compatibility in astrology — or in life,” Campos reminds us. “For many of us, we continue to learn, grow and evolve through our relationships.”
Rather than looking at astrology as a series of hard and fast rules to be adhered to, Campos instead suggests that you “use astrology to see what patterns or dynamics might feel more in alignment and come naturally, and also to identify where there may be some disconnects. When you become aware of the challenging behaviors that may present themselves in a relationship, you are then able to consciously acknowledge them and work on them if you and your partner choose to and think your connection is worth it.”
For a deep dive into astrological compatibility, Campos suggests looking “at the entire birth chart, [which is a] snapshot of the sky and where all of the planets were at the moment you were born. For example, you may be an Aquarius sun (meaning you were born during Aquarius season), but you may have been born when the moon was in Scorpio — making Scorpio one of the best matches for you. (Our moon sign symbolizes our inner self and what we need or desire to feel safe and nurtured, so when our moon sign matches someone else's sun sign, there is generally strong compatibility between the two people.)”
Campos looks at astrology as something that “gives us the gift of awareness.” And as such, “it's never fair to use any aspect of astrology to completely judge or assume you won't be a good match with someone. Beyond comparing two birth charts, there are other more complex methods for measuring compatibility, like the composite chart, that include finding the midpoints between your charts and merging them to create a separate chart that represents the ‘relationship energy.’ So even if you can't identify any ease between your birth charts, don't rule anyone out! There may be a hidden connection that brings you together in your composite chart.”
And even if you and your dude don’t end up being forever soulmates, Campos notes that “Scorpio and Aquarius make for some of the hottest sex — as two fixed signs (cough cough stubborn cough), the tension is palpable — so if the connection feels exciting, healthy and fulfilling for you, keep pursuing it!”
For more salient star advice and other horoscope goodness, follow Stephanie on Instagram at @stephaniencampos.
Dear Anna,
I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost six months. She sleeps over at my place most nights and recently, I noticed that she only changes her underwear once a week. It bothers me. And to be frank, it smells. I've tried to talk to her about it, but she brushes it off and says that she's too busy to keep up with laundry. I'm worried that this could become a more significant issue in the future and affect our relationship. How can I approach this conversation with her without making her defensive, and how important is hygiene in a relationship? — Seriously Thinking Intimate Nose Knows
Dear STINK,
Who nose? (SORRY.)
You’ve brought this issue up to your girlfriend and she brushed it off, saying the problem isn’t about hygiene at all, but laundry and time. Does that track? Is her life super hectic? Is she not taking care of other basic necessities, and the panties are just one casualty of a life gone off the rails?
If so, then that’s a pretty easy remedy — the underwear, at least. (Time management is much harder to fix and also not on you.) You either buy her a bunch more pairs and keep them at your place for her — Costco that s— up — so she’s less likely to run out, or you schedule regular laundry dates where you do it together more frequently. If you go to a laundromat for this, then you can throw in a beverage and a board game to make it more date-y/less boring.
If the issue is actually questionable hygiene — is she showering once a week, too? Or does she shower more frequently but keep her same dirty underwear on? — then that’s a thornier conversation. “Darling, your butt smells” hardly ever lands well, even with the most gracious of receivers.
You can throw some science at her. According to a study published in the Journal of Infection and Public Health, wearing the same underwear for multiple days can increase the risk of bacterial and fungal infections, particularly in women. And, while poor hygiene can lead to unpleasant smells, as well as contribute to the spread of infections and diseases, it’s not likely going to kill anyone. (You.)
The better question to your question might be, how important is hygiene to me in a relationship? If the answer is a lot, then you might have to call this a deal breaker, give her a chance to come correct, and/or act accordingly if she doesn’t. If it’s not though, if it’s something that’s unpleasant but that you can live with, then, well, that’s also an answer.
Keep directly communicating with her using as much compassion as you can, and gently encouraging better habits. Suggest showering together, which has the bonus effect of also being foreplay, help her with laundry if you can, and make sure your own hygiene is, well, on the nose.
