Dear Anna,
My sex/love life has taken a couple of below-the-belt hits during the pandemic and I find myself single ... again. I've begun dating again and even went out with a pretty funny, attractive guy last week. I met him on the internet (yes, again) and our email exchanges pre-date were some of the more exciting and interesting ones I've had in a while. Now I find myself thinking about him and waiting to hear from him more than I'm comfortable with after one date. I fear that my desire for love and a partner are going to make me leap into something just because it's there. What do I do? — Trying Not to Desperately Seek Someone
Dear TNDSS,
You sound pretty exasperated, so I recommend first that you not do any more heavy typing. Second, don’t chastise yourself for having desires. Denying that you want something (in this case, a loving partner) won’t make that desire disappear. Indeed, it might make you want it more.
That said, I do recommend you take things slowly. Hold off on getting that joint Costco account, OK? I don’t care how badly you want that 140 pack of Ferrero Rocher balls. Enjoy this early, heady stage of dating — it’s been one date, after all! Let yourself dream, but stay grounded in reality. How do you do that? By asking yourself reasonable questions. Are your feelings generally reciprocated? Does he text back at about the same rate you text him? Does he make time for you? If the answers are yes, great! If not, well, honestly it’s still too soon to tell. (Because one date!) So keep your BS detector activated and don’t go picking out matching grave plots. Also, stay on the apps for a little while longer. Dating is like laundry: You should do as much as you can until you run out of quarters.
There’s nothing wrong with being cautious in life (or throwing caution to the wind), but don’t let your potential fears keep you from going after what you really want.
Dear Anna,
I painstakingly created a dating profile outlining what I was interested in and what I didn’t want. I’ve gotten good responses so far and have been mostly able to filter out potential wasted time. I met a nice guy who is fun but either TOO busy, (a good liar?) or is maybe just a hit and run, although time and conversation indicate otherwise? Is he really this busy or is he blowing me off? Should I delete his number? — Peaches
Dear Peaches,
Funny enough, I recently conducted a survey of every guy in the world, but they were all too busy to answer. Except Matthew McConaughey, who said, “Time is on my side, man. Yes it IS!” Then he went windsurfing.
I’m kidding, Peaches. I blocked McConaughey ages ago.
Knowing absolutely nothing about this guy or his schedule, I will say this: If someone is truly interested in you, they’ll make time. That’s not to say he doesn’t like you at all, but that he’s not willing to invest as much energy in you as you are in him.
Lasting relationships are based on reciprocity, mutual interest and to stave off the crippling loneliness of human existence. Delete the number, Peaches. Dating is a masochistic enough process as it is, so why waste your time on someone who’s not into you? Your time could be much better wasted on things like watching marbles get made (look at those little balls of fire!), learning new anagrams for your name (Annual Yelp! A Palely Nun!), or eating some pretty good guacamole. None of these are as good as sex, I’ll grant you that. But all of them are better than sitting around wondering why some dude isn’t calling you.
