Tomorrow, former footballer Ashley Cain and Safiyya Vorajee should be watching their daughter Azaylia taking wobbly steps and playing with her favourite toy. Instead they will spend the day at her graveside, marking the first anniversary of her death.
“While we usually try to celebrate her life, this day will be sad,” says Safiyya, 34. “We’re going to make the day as special and as beautiful as possible. We’ll release three doves to represent mummy, daddy and Azaylia and we’ll bring the family together at her resting place, shed some tears and make our prayers.”
Despite the couple announcing the end of their relationship just a few weeks ago, they are as close as ever when it comes to matters of their daughter and the foundation they set up in her memory.
Ashley, 31, will mark the anniversary with a 100-mile run from his daughter’s grave to Trafalgar Square, where he’ll take a moment to sit at the feet of the giant stone lions and remember his “likkle lion” – his pet name for his tiny daughter, who lost her life at eight months old to acute myeloid leukaemia (AML), an aggressive form of leukaemia.
Azaylia endured two rounds of chemotherapy, a bone marrow transplant, and was due to fly to Singapore for specialist treatment before it became clear that the cancer was too advanced. She died in her parents’ arms at their home in Coventry.
“Those eight months, even though they were tough and they were heartbreaking, they were the best eight months of our lives,” says Ashley.
“We can look back and know we gave absolutely everything. I’d give the rest of my life just to have those eight months again.”
As they nursed her, Ashley and Safiyya shared their daughter’s illness on social media, posting daily of their time in hospital.
Because of Covid restrictions, they were often alone with her on the ward, tag-teaming their visits so she was never by herself.
While some might question this public sharing of every parent’s worst nightmare, the pair have no regrets. “I believe that a lot of the time with social media you showcase the best part of your life, what you’re proud of, things you enjoy, things that you see as amazing, for the whole world. And there was nothing more amazing than Azaylia,” says Ashley.
Their constant refrain “Let’s go champ!” when urging their tiny daughter through her latest treatment or celebrating her baby milestones such as smiling, sitting up or eating solid food for the first time, was echoed worldwide by their followers who offered an outpouring of love and support.
But it didn’t stop there. When Azaylia desperately needed a bone marrow donor, Ashley and Safiyya launched an appeal which resulted in 41,000 people registering to be stem-cell donors in just 48 hours. They also managed to raise over £1.5million for specialist treatment in Singapore.
Sadly, Azaylia became too ill for further treatment so Ashley and Safiyya used the funds to set up The Azaylia Foundation (theazayliafoundation.com), dedicated to raising awareness and improving treatments for childhood cancer.
The foundation, set up last September, has already helped several children raise money for treatment not available on the NHS, as well as buying equipment for Birmingham Children’s Hospital and donating funds to the city’s university for a cell-sorting machine.
“Azaylia has raised a huge amount of awareness,” says Safiyya. “But if we don’t keep talking about it, it gets left in the dark. That’s why we will keep fighting for these children.”
“Our goal is to revolutionise childhood cancer,” says Ashley. “The aim is to advance the early diagnosis and treatment available. We’re also looking to educate GPs who are not trained to diagnose childhood cancer early enough. And we want to develop specific treatments for children. Often they receive adapted versions of adult treatments, which can leave very traumatic effects on the child’s body.”
As well as creating a legacy for their daughter, Ashley and Safiyya’s public openness around their loss and grief has paved the way for others to express their own.
“I’ve had so many men come up to me in the street or in a shop just to give me a hug and cry,” says Ashley. “The other week a guy stopped me and said: ‘My daughter is just going into Birmingham Children’s Hospital with leukaemia. I want to say thank you for making it OK for men and fathers to show their emotions and not be afraid to do so.’”
While Ashley wears his grief openly, he acknowledges it’s still hard for men to open up. “I want people to realise it’s OK not to be OK, as long as you’re willing to acknowledge it and do something about it,” says Ashley. “That’s why it’s so important that I don’t just show the good days, but the bad days as well. The first way to recover is to acknowledge it and then you can start to deal with it and push through the pain.”
Despite only spending eight months in the world, it’s clear to see Azaylia has changed her parents’ lives for ever.
“Azaylia made me become a woman from the moment I had her,” says Safiyya.
“I feel like I’ve developed so much. I have time, patience and empathy for so much more in life than before.”
“She showed me what I was capable of and how to appreciate
the things that matter,” says Ashley. “Now she’s not here with us, she’s
the driving force for me to be the
best person that I can for myself and for her.
“Being in that fight with Azaylia made us realise how strong these kids fighting cancer are. Now I want to fight for her legacy and to make her proud of me.”
- Loving and Losing You, Azaylia: My Inspirational Daughter and our Unbreakable Bond by Safiyya Vorajee (£20, Ebury) is out on April 28
