In Disney/Pixar's new animated film, "Turning Red," a 13-year-old Chinese Canadian girl named Mei Lee comes into puberty and turns into a giant, furry red panda whenever strong teenage emotions overwhelm her.
Mei freaks out the first time. Her mother, hearing screams in the bathroom, assumes it's because "the red peony" bloomed. She grabs up a box of assorted sanitary pads and stands at the ready with ibuprofen and a hot water bottle.
Brief references to menstruation in an animated film apparently are a bridge too far for some parents, because "Turning Red" has kicked up heated debate.
Angry moms say online that menstruation is too mature a topic for young audiences. Some say the movie should come with a warning label because it's "not appropriate for children."
The film, now streaming on Disney+, is rated PG, which means parental guidance is recommended because some material might not be suitable for kids.
Other parents, though, applaud the film for breaking a stigma that needs breaking by normalizing the conversation about puberty and menstruation because "the biological reality of little girls should not be a taboo," as one Twitter user said. It's the reality, actually, of every woman.
The film's creators themselves had worried that studio executives would object to the menstruation references, but they didn't.
"I think they saw it very much in the DNA of the film and the characters," producer Lindsey Collins told gaming website Polygon. "The hope is with putting it on the screen and having it be something that is cringy, but also funny, and a part of this story, it does normalize it."
Director Domee Shi — the first woman to solo-direct a Pixar film — wanted "Turning Red" to get people talking about periods and puberty. She knows firsthand how awkward that can be.
"I just wanted to give this movie to that 13-year-old me who was very confused and never got 'the talk' from her mom and who was in the bathroom freaking out like Mei is in the movie when she first turns into a red panda," Shi told lifestyle website Chatelaine.
"My hope is that this starts those conversations and that we can eventually just normalize talking about puberty and menstruation and not feel so weird about it. But until then, please watch this entertaining movie about a red panda running through Toronto."
MOMS NEED TO TALK
In December, Jessica Lynn McClellan's nonprofit in Kansas City, Kansas, collected more than $30,000 worth of menstrual products for women in need in the metro.
The founder of Giving Hope & Help teaches menstruation classes to Girl Scouts as young as 8. She's seen that "deer in headlights" look in girls' eyes as they take in the information, and she knows some don't get that guidance at home. She didn't.
"Moms don't know how to talk about it," said McClellan. "And in all honesty and transparency, my mom didn't talk to me about it. I learned from having two older sisters. They didn't talk to me about it, but I saw. So I knew what to do when it happened because there were products under the bathroom sink."
Menstruation can be an uncomfortable, awkward topic for parents, even, as it turns out, for some physicians.
"To be quite frank, even though I talk about this every single day with moms and young girls, teenagers, adult women, I even get a little bit of the flutter thing, like I hope I don't say something wrong, I hope I don't offend anyone because this is such a formative time in patients' lives," said Dr. Ashli Lawson, a pediatric and adolescent gynecologist at Children's Mercy.
"Everyone remembers where they were when they got their first period, what their mom had told them, what a teacher had told them, and there's just so much emotion surrounding it."
Some parents have even asked Lawson to step in and have "the talk" with their child. Right there. On the spot. In the office.
WHEN TO START TALKING
There is no perfect time to talk to a child about puberty. Experts say parents should take their cue from their children. But for goodness' sake do not wait until a girl's first flow to talk about menstruation. It typically begins around age 12, though girls as young as 8 can have periods.
Cue the trauma of a grade-schooler finding blood in her underwear and thinking that she's dying. It happens.
"That is what we really, really, really want to avoid," said Lawson. "We don't want this to be scary for a child. Even though the unknown of what it's going to be like might be scary, we want (them) to be prepared for 'OK, my mom has gone through this, or my sister has gone through this, my aunt has gone through this, and every adult woman is going to go through this and I will be OK.'"
Lawson advises parents to start talking to their children about their bodies "from a very young age."
"The earlier you start these conversations the better," she said. "They should all be tailored to being age-appropriate, and you know your child's maturity level.
"But somewhere when they're a young child it's OK for either them to start driving the conversation or if they haven't brought it up, you start talking about it."
Doctors say an opportune time to talk to a girl about how her body will change is when she begins developing breasts, somewhere around age 8 to 10.
"Maybe opening up that conversation to them — how do you notice that your body is different from my body — and seeing what they know and what they're able to pick up on," said Lawson.
HOW TO DO THE TALK
Don't turn the "period talk" into one huge discussion, says the Mayo Clinic. Smaller conversations are better to help a girl feel that it's safe to ask questions that might be embarrassing. The goal is to become her go-to source of information instead of friends who might provide inaccurate information.
If you don't know how to answer a girl's questions it's OK to say that and tell her you'll find the answer together, medical experts advise.
One place to look for answers: Your hospital's website. For instance, Children's Mercy (childrensmercy.org) and Saint Luke's (saintlukeskc.org) in Kansas City have pages dedicated to topics of puberty, as does the Mayo Clinic.
"As much as you can, try to put your anxiety aside and open up to your child. Be there for them," said Lawson.
The Girl Scouts in McClellan's classes "ask all kinds of questions." How long is the menstrual cycle, how many days? And sometimes there are practicalities to iron out.
"I've even had girls that live in two homes, with Mom and Dad, (ask) how do I manage my cycle in two different homes?" McClellan said. "I teach them to have a hygiene kit at Dad's house under the sink, as well as Mom's house. And keep those products in their (school) locker in their backpack."
Moms might find an "oh by the way" opening to start the talk after a trip to the grocery store, said Lawson. Daughters find their moms' tampons and pads in the house, or watch Mom buy them at the store.
"Right then and there in the grocery store might not be the time to have that conversation," said Lawson.
"But as you're unpacking at home, say, 'Oh by the way, these are pads that Mommy uses because when you're starting to grow up you have some blood that comes from your vagina and this is kind of like a Band-Aid for Mom so that we can make sure that we stay clean. It doesn't hurt and we can talk about this later when we start to get closer to that time for you.'"
AVOID CUTESY LANGUAGE
McClellan consults with Girl Scout troop leaders to tailor her talks to her young audiences. She is upfront with the girls about the mechanics of menstruation. And they celebrate their power as "reproducers of human life."
She and Lawson both encourage parents to use anatomically correct terms when talking to children about their bodies. A vagina is a vagina, not some cutesy euphemism.
Lawson's baby is nearly 4 months old. When she bathes him, she uses "medically appropriate" language to describe his body parts.
Medical experts say that can help reduce children's body shame and make them safer, less likely to be exploited the more they know about their own bodies.
Knowing the correct terminology can also help a girl explain to her mom and doctor when something is wrong with her period, Lawson said. A heavy flow, irregular flows, lots of pain. Those are all things a girl should speak up about.
"Puberty should definitely be normalized. Because when puberty is not going well, this is kind of my doctor side speaking, when puberty's not going as expected, we need to know that's not something that we should hide from other people," said Lawson. "That's an important thing that a pediatrician or gynecologist needs to (know) about as well."
DADS SHOULD TALK, TOO
Lawson said it's important for Dad, or any other male figure in a girl's life, to be knowledgeable about and comfortable with talking about menstruation, too, "because the young girl is going to be affected by his discomfort."
And practically speaking, "there's the potential that he's the one taking his daughter to swim practice when she gets her first period."
It would not be inappropriate, Lawson said, for brothers, especially if they're also going through puberty, to be involved in those discussions. They could be part of conversations about how his body is changing, too.
"It's dependent on your child and what your family is going through at that time," Lawson said. "But of course you want to know whether your daughter wants the brother to know and when. It shouldn't be a taboo subject, but that is her body and she might not be ready to fully disclose everything to everyone in the family."
