Families whose loved ones died "lonely and scared" in care homes have joined forces to say “never again”.
They told how the last words an 81-year-old said to his wife before he was taken away by the ambulance were: “Aren’t you coming with me?”
While a mum in a care home during the pandemic put her finger to her lips to shush her family from behind a window, telling them; “The guards will come!”.
The families of 63 pensioners have released pictures of their lost loved ones, to mark the third anniversary of the March 23rd 2020 lockdown.
They are demanding Gloria’s Law which was debated in Parliament last October after a petition was signed by more than 270,000 people.
See all 63 brave Covid victims who died alone and scared in lockdown without their families
But since then it appears to have stalled.
This law would give everyone a legal right to a care supporter who could be with them in a care home or when getting treatment in a health setting.
On Wednesday Boris Johnson will be grilled on ‘misleading’ parliament over Partygate as he gives televised evidence.
The families said it will make them re-live the pain of waving through windows at dying relatives.
Ruthie Henshall, 56, the I’m a Celeb star who is about to join the cast of Coronation Street, told how her mum died in a care home aged 88 in 2021.
Gloria's Law is named after the West End legend's mum.
Talking about her reaction to politicians breaking the rules she told The Mirror: “I cried and I cried with anger and with utter devastation.
“It brought it all back, what I had been through and how we played by the rules.
“When I was waving at a care home window and they were supping up their champagne, that’s the kind of thing you remember.”
Ruthie said for four months her mum was in her room 24/7 with no stimulation. She stopped speaking and walking.
“It was the cruellest thing I have ever seen - to watch my mother dying through a window and her not even being able to have a family member touch her.
“It is unspeakable, the loneliness that she went through.
“She did not understand why we were not coming to visit. She did not understand why we couldn’t come in.
“For a whole year she had no quality of life. I got to touch her and see her for five weeks before she died. “
Ruthie had only been allowed in after battling to be made an essential care giver.
“I would feed her, I would love on her, talk to her, read to her, sing to her and the difference in her was enormous.
“She started saying my name again and she would put her head in my chest and then she would moan.
“The care home manager said ‘I don’t know what to say, it’s like the lights come back on in her eyes. We are seeing Gloria again’.
“None of us can survive without touch and human comfort and love.”
She said she was one of the lucky ones and was allowed to be with her mother while she was dying,
“This postcode lottery is still going on and it’s a horrible, horrible experience. ”
In a message to ministers, she said: “How do you want your last days to be? Maybe one day you’ll be in a care home and being waved at by your family.
“If we can get Gloria’s law passed it means they didn’t die in vain.”
Diane Mayhew and Jenny Morrison, both 57, from Liverpool were left so traumatised at the separation they started up Rights for Residents.
In tears, Diane recalls how her dad, Alan, 81, collapsed with covid and was rushed into hospital on April 6th, 2020.
“As the paramedics stretchered him into the ambulance, the last words he said to my mum were; ‘Aren’t you coming with me?’
“Mum wasn’t allowed to go with him and was distraught.
“At 3am the consultant rang me to say dad was ‘on his way’ and they’d given him more morphine to make him comfortable.
“The panic I felt was inexplicable, knowing he was going to die and that not one of his family would be there. No chance to even say goodbye.”
He passed away the next day, at 9am.
“I couldn’t get the images out of my head of him lying there, frightened and wondering why he’d been left alone.
“He had vascular dementia but still had capacity and must have been so confused. “
It was Diane who had to break the terrible news to her mum.
“It was just awful. I said; ‘he’s gone mum.’ She was absolutely devastated. She should have been with him.
“I relive it over and over again. The doctor has told me since he thinks I’ve got PTSD.”
Her partner, Jenny, told how her mum Jean died in August 2021 after being isolated in a care home for three months.
“The effects of loneliness and isolation were clear to see,” she said.
“Before the pandemic mum’s nickname in the care home among the staff and other relatives was ‘Smiler’ but after months spent in her own tiny room she rarely smiled.
“When we eventually did get in to spend the odd hour with her, she no longer spoke and refused to open her eyes.
“She rarely lifted her head up to meet our gaze or return a smile during her final months of life.
“On one occasion mum put her finger to her lips to shush me, as she said the ‘guards will come’.
“There are no words to describe how distressing the realisation was that mum literally thought she was living in a prison.
“It was heartbreaking watching from the other side of the glass, as she cried silent tears, and constantly beckoned for us to come into the home. It felt barbaric.
“During one visit she broke down, sobbing uncontrollably with her head in her hands.
“We were forced to phone into the care home to ask one of the carers to come and give mum a hug and try to console her.
“Too few people heeded our warnings that isolation was taking away her very will to live. In the end she just gave up.”
She said her family have been left “completely traumatised. ”
Shadow minister for health and social care, Liz Kendall said: "These photos are a heart breaking reminder of the anguish faced by families and the impact shutting out visitors had on the physical and mental health of their loved ones.
“But until visitation rights are enshrined in law this problem remains for residents.
“Labour has been calling for a legal right for care home residents to have visits from their loved ones since February 2021 and we continue to do so today."
Minister for Care Helen Whately said: “I know how it feels to be told you can’t visit someone you love. Last year, I didn’t know whether I would see my mother alive again when she was very ill in hospital and visiting restrictions meant I could not see her.
“That is why I am so committed to making sure people can visit loved ones in care homes and hospitals.
"We have made it clear that we always expect visiting guidance to be followed, and I am working on further steps to make sure this happens in practice.”
- Help support the campaign at relres.org/care-supporter-pledge
