Anyone rightly suspicious of comedies that try to make sure they have plenty of “heart” will rightly get their hackles up during the opening section of Anaconda, which sheds the skin of its 1997 horror-adventure namesake to reveal a self-referential goof on unnecessary reboots. After an absolutely woeful attempt at a horror-movie cold open where it becomes clear that director/co-writer Tom Gormican hasn’t the merest glimmer of talent for establishing mood, building suspense or even properly unveiling a crazy creature, the movie settles in for the true mission of any great broad comedy: uh, building pathos? After years as an aspiring film-maker, Doug (Jack Black) is succeeding-yet-languishing in his compromised hometown job as a wedding videographer. Meanwhile, his childhood bestie, Griff (Paul Rudd), is following the dream by working as an actor out in Los Angeles, but only just barely. We see him fired from a one-line role on a medical show because of his nerves, in a scene written for nagging sympathy first and comedy a distant second.
When the pair reunites for Doug’s birthday, Griff springs a post-party surprise: he has supposedly come into possession of remake rights to Anaconda, an eclectically cast creature feature that they loved as teenagers. Why not seize the opportunity by shooting their own version on a shoestring, and finally make movies together like they always dreamed? Despite a nagging feeling of responsibility to his family, Doug eventually warms to Griff’s idea, and their fellow friends Kenny (Steve Zahn) and Claire (Thandiwe Newton) join the crew. Soon they’re on a boat in the Amazon, dealing with eccentric snake handler Santiago (Selton Mello) and mysterious boat captain Ana (Daniela Melchior).
