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Lifestyle
Victor Billot

An Ode for .. Covid Chippy

Pool photo: Robert Kitchin

Bard Billot on the beleaguered Labour leader  

Feeling better

“I’m feeling better,” says King Chipkins.

“It’ll take more than a dose of Plague

To keep me down!”

The King strides over and flings open the windows

Of the ninety-seventh floor of his Ivory Castle

To inhale the fresh spring air.

A small flock of pink non-binary winged unicorns

Flutters past in the dreamy haze.

From far below drifts the sound of plaintive wails

As the invading enemy forces swarm the city walls

And put low ranking list MPs to the sword.

Inside the Great Hall, a caucus of mid ranking list MPs

Hovering near the fire exit offer a quavering cheer.

“It’s time to go to war!” Asserts the Monarch

In confident and ringing tones.

“I will show the peasants I’m in it for them!”

He waves a scrawled strategy parchment about.

“Free tooth extractions for serfs who survive to 30!

A small number of hovels for the peons!

We will attack the insurgents on all fronts!

LO! For I am a King of The People!”

“Maybe a wealth tax?” Bursts out Lady Ingrid of Taieri

As she is overcome with contagious enthusiasm.

The Court goes silent and all eyes swivel onto her.

Lady Ingrid blushes and quails under their glares.

“There’s no need for that type of wild talk,”

The King frowns.

Then comes a loud banging on the palace doors.

They swing wide and a flustered messenger

Rushes into the Great Hall.

“Your Majesty!” He wheezes painfully.

“We are surrounded – Baron Luxon is in the lobby –

The guards have fled.”

He draws breath and speaks grim truth

To the uncomprehending faces of the assembled court.

“The battle was last week.” Victor Billot has previously felt moved to write Odes for such luminaries as Winston Peters,  Christopher Luxon, David Seymour, and Nicola Willis.

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