The Bard on Baron Luxon
The Ancient Curse of Zespri
The black clouds grew severe overhead as the Baron's legions marched into the mountains. Past the promised land of the Golden Triangle, past the burping mud of Rotorua, onwards march the grim faced host deep into the realm of the Undead: the Bay of Despond, and the haunted ruins of the Ziggurat of Te Puke. There where ghosts of The Doomed Kings of Yore rave and gibber by Roads of National Significance. Lo, there is Simon the Unfortunate, lopped and ethereal, King of the Chamber of the Undead. Lo, there is Toad of Mullet, Spectral Lord of this Eldritch Realm. The Baron must prove himself free of the Ancient Curse of Zespri which has brought to grief many Kings of antiquity from The House of Blue. There amongst the rows of kiwifruit the Blue Baron's loyal retainers gather on the field ready to do battle with the fanatic Squadrons of Pink and Green Flying Unicorns. But the question starts to circulate amongst the grimy foot soldiers: where exactly is the Baron? Lo, a giant video screen is wheeled out and The Baron joins by Zoom. Forward to victory! urges The Baron. O loyal retainers, I am with you in spirit, yet in order to protect myself from the dark sorcery of the Curse of Zespri I am joining battle remotely, surrounded by a powerful force field of palm trees and poolside cocktails here in the Happy Isles. The Blue Legions mutter their disquiet. From across on the other side of the field comes a chilling screeching: The Shawrax is being chased in circles by a squadron of his own Green Flying Unicorns. The local serfs put down their kiwifruit baskets and watch proceedings with amazement; for battles in the ancient times never used to be this confusing.
Victor Billot has previously felt moved to compose Odes for such luminaries as the Prime Minister, Louise Wallace, Mike Hosking, Clarke Gayford, Brian Tamaki, and Garrick Tremain.
