The moment Hilary spotted Pauline Nowell walking along a beach in 1955, she knew she had found the one.
Hilary was just 17 when she met Pauline, then 16, while on a family holiday – and almost immediately, there was chemistry.
But their relationship came up against society's disapproval of same-sex couples at the time.
Despite being in love, the pair were not able to enjoy a full relationship until Hilary’s mother died when she was 70 – finally allowing her to be her true self.
“It didn't matter that Pauline was a girl, I just was in love with her as a person,” Hilary said.
“Despite disapproval, we continued to see each other. It wasn’t long before I knew we were soul mates.”
As gay marriage was not legal at the time, Hilary and Pauline exchanged rings in 1970 and made their own commitment to each other.
The pair bought their own home and moved in together in 1971, going on to have children.
In 2014, same-sex marriage finally became legal – meaning Pauline, from Manchester, could finally ask Hilary to be her wife on Christmas Eve 2016.
“I said 'Oh my God, finally,’” Hilary added. “Finally we're getting married. She proposed to me in bed, not even down on one knee!”
In 2017, the pair finally got married, describing it as the happiest day of their lives.
But cruelly, after waiting decades for their happy ending, bad news hit the couple just a year after the wedding.
“There were things that I could notice,” Hilary said. “Pauline didn’t want to get out of bed sometimes and couldn’t remember things we had on, like appointments. It came to the point where it had to be spoken about.”
In 2019, Pauline was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and vascular dementia.
Alzheimer's disease is a brain disorder that slowly destroys memory and thinking skills and, eventually, the ability to carry out the simplest tasks. In most people with the disease – those with the late-onset type - symptoms first appear in their mid-60s.
Vascular dementia is a common type of dementia caused by reduced blood flow to the brain. Symptoms of vascular dementia include confusion, slow thinking and changes in mood or behaviour.
“Pauline was used to having a lot of independence and control over things,” Hilary added. “She had been the director of social services and was used to helping others, not being the one needing the help.
“The very fact that we are now wife and wife, we're so grateful. Life has taught us to be grateful, because we've battled everything along the way.
“We've always known we were together in it. Pauline doesn't want it to be something that, after all these years, breaks us. And she doesn't have to say it, but she says, 'I'm so sorry this has happened'.”
The pair now say they are ready to take on whatever the future holds together. “She doesn't want to think that I'll ever find that I can't cope – and I just try and show her every day,” Hilary added.
When that love is there, you can climb every mountain – and we will do. We are now both in our mid 80’s, are very active and have children and a grandchild to keep us busy.
“We were happily married, ecstatic, then possibly the year following we noticed the symptoms of dementia and it came to the point that it had to be spoken about.
“So many people who have dementia think there’s nothing for them, but we have no doubt Alzheimer’s Society are behind us.
“We are surrounded by love and kindness. It gives you a true reason to live and to want to go on. We don’t feel alone on this journey.”
Emma Spragg, head of service for Alzheimer’s Society in the north west and Northern Ireland, said: “A third of us will develop dementia in our lifetimes, making it the biggest health and social care challenge we face.
“Caring for a partner with dementia is fulfilling the ultimate relationship vow, but navigating your way through ‘in sickness and in health’ can be overwhelming.
“Our vow to people affected by dementia is that we will be there, we will provide hope, and we will help you climb those mountains. But we simply can’t reach everyone and that’s why we’re calling on the public to donate. This is not a problem that is going away – the number of people living with dementia is only going up.
“Our website saw a massive 12,000 per cent increase in visitors following news that actor Bruce Willis was diagnosed with dementia. It’s a hugely useful resource for anyone looking to learn more about the condition.
“I would encourage anyone with questions and concerns to visit at alzheimers.org.uk to learn more and to donate so we can be there for even more people.”
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