Joint custody is an arrangement under which both parents are responsible for raising their children after a divorce or separation. It’s often seen as a way to provide the children with a stable and supportive environment; however, parents need to maintain a high level of communication and cooperation to make it work.
For the most part, Reddit user KittenBox8 and her ex-husband managed to overcome their differences and collaborate in raising their kids. But when the dad wanted to take the little ones to his family reunion, their efforts broke down, causing a lot of fighting.
These two parents tried their best to provide their kids with a stable environment after their divorce
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
But one day, their joint custody arrangement stopped working
Image credits: PAN XIAOZHEN / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: KittenBox8
Tension is difficult to avoid when raising kids post-divorce
Image credits: cottonbro studio / pexels (not the actual photo)
“Collaboration can make the custody arrangement work better, providing that the two parents can work together and agree on what is beneficial for the child(ren). However, I find that people who work collaboratively rarely get divorced,” said Christine B.L. Adams, MD, who is a child and adult psychiatrist practicing in Louisville, Kentucky. “They work things out in their relationship, including issues over raising children. They are content to be married. They achieve harmony and workable solutions for their difficulties.”
According to the psychiatrist, people who divorce have already established they cannot get along with one another and enjoy their lives together. “They do not see eye-to-eye on so many concerns that they dissolved the relationship. Divorced couples disagree with one another on many fronts. Often, they have distinct viewpoints on how to help and raise their children. Such childrearing differences may predate their divorce or even be the cause of their divorce.”
Adams highlighted that as long as children live with married parents, they are buffered and protected from the care-consumer parent by the other one who better meets their needs. However, once divorce takes place, children have more exposure to the emotionally needy parent and become emotionally encumbered.
“I wish that joint custody worked better … I wish marriage and mate choices worked better, too, so that children did not have to go through these post-divorce times of turmoil with their parents,” the psychiatrist explained.
“Since this does not happen, I find that sole custody with the emotionally giving parent affords children the most advantageous opportunity to grow up securely and emotionally nourished. Regular visitation by the other parent ensures no loss of contact or relationship with that parent,” Adams explained her position.
In an ideal world, joint custody works. How close parents get to that perfect model is up to them. But as this Reddit post shows, it’s always facing the possibility of conflict.
Luckily for these children, their situation resolved itself.
Later, the woman released an update on the situation, saying that she had reconsidered her decision
Image credits: KittenBox8
The comments that the author of the post had received were the thing that changed her mind
