Imagine you have a security blanket you've carried around since you were a teenager.
It's there when you need it, supporting you when you feel anxious, cheering you up when you feel down, and always close by when you're celebrating.
Drinking alcohol is something I've done most of my life, through high school, university, mother's groups (wine o'clock yet?) and with work colleagues.
I started drinking at 16 and grew up in a family where social drinking was a regular practice. I always had a sense I was missing out if I couldn't join in.
I wasn't a binge drinker, but alcohol was a constant, daily comforting companion, and had been for many years.
So, it was a challenge when doctors told me I had to give it up.
They said the histamines in alcohol were to blame for the migraine attacks I'd developed. And moderation wasn't an option. I had to make a decision.
In many ways, drinking had become the opposite of the life I was trying to live.
Once I quit, there was no escape
As a medical journalist, I know the importance of exercising every day, and of the growing body of research linking even moderate alcohol consumption to a range of cancers.
For women, moderate drinking — one drink a day — increases the risk of breast cancer.
And I know it's much more difficult to stick to regular exercise and eating well if you're feeling seedy and hungover.
In the past, I'd enjoyed the way alcohol could damp down the stress of a busy day and help you forget whatever dramas you might have had to deal with.
There's a solid neuroscience explanation as to why.
According to the University of California, San Francisco (UCSF), brain scans show drinking alcohol releases endorphins (the happy hormones) in the areas of the brain that produce feelings of pleasure and reward.
Not having that feeling anymore when I quit alcohol was a wake-up call.
Fairly quickly into my #soberlife, I realised how much I'd been using alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Sometimes, things become more obvious when they're not there anymore.
I realised for most of my life, alcohol really had been my security blanket.
Anxious at a party? Have a few drinks to loosen up. Stressed at the end of the day? Use wine to wind down. First white wine, then red, because it's "better for you" … (is it though, really?)
When I gave up drinking, I had to feel all my feelings, good and bad, for the first time since being a teenager.
There was no escape.
And that means you have to confront what you've been trying to damp down with alcohol, and look for other ways to process those feelings.
Some people's reactions have surprised me
So many of us rush to get rid of negative thoughts or uncomfortable feelings using alcohol or other ways of making the world feel less challenging.
But when that was no longer an option, I realised something important.
I realised I could sit with those feelings. I didn't need alcohol to push them away.
Research shows alcohol is a depressant that can interfere with the balance of neurotransmitters in your brain, affecting your feelings and thoughts.
In the short term, you might feel more confident, but the effect is really short-lived and the chemical changes can lead to negative emotions such as anxiety and depression.
Without alcohol, I feel much more clear-headed and present. I no longer wake up with my head pounding.
Instead, I can make the most of every morning and I can start the day in a mindful way, embracing practices like meditation that I know are so beneficial for my mental health.
What has surprised me though is some people's reactions to my #soberlife.
One friend kept serving me alcohol despite me telling her I couldn't drink anymore.
Others were convinced I wouldn't stick with it, knowing how regularly I'd drunk in the past.
To me, not drinking isn't about what I've given up — it's about what I've gained.
It's given me the chance to embrace the struggle and sit in the messiness of emotions without fear.
Being uncomfortable is part of growth.
I know that now.
This is not intended as medical advice. For personal advice, you should see a qualified GP.
Sophie Scott is the ABC's national medical reporter. You can follow Sophie on Instagram and her blog.
