Bringing a new life into this world is no small feat, and every person who does it deserves appreciation for their efforts.
One woman who is about to give birth to her first child demanded a “push present” from her husband—a car that would be exclusively hers. However, the man, Reddit user Throwra-pushpresent, thought it was too much and said her expectations were unrealistic.
His reply led to a heated argument between the two of them over entitlement, gratitude, and the true meaning of what it means to be a parent.
Unable to resolve it, the future dad made a post on r/AITAH, asking its members to share their opinions on the matter.
This man was flabbergasted by his wife’s extravagant “push present” request, so he turned to the internet for advice
Image credits: Omar Lopez / unsplash (not the actual photo)
“AITAH for telling my wife she is not worthy of what she’s asking for her ‘push present?'”
“My wife and I have been together for 5 years. She’s pregnant with our first right now.
Few days ago, she sends me a TikTok video of a woman over one of those extremist podcasts talking about deserving some kind of a “push present”. At first I didn’t even know what that meant. But when I looked it up, it’s basically a thank you gift to the woman who brought your child in the world.
This concept is and still seems very strange to me. I understand seeking appreciation from your husband for what women go through during pregnancy and childbirth, but it’s the materialistic part that gave me the ick.
The woman on TikTok went on and on about how it’s a “body for a body” which meant the man would have to get a permanent tattoo on his lower body, give her a house and a car as a gift exclusively to her.
Image credits: Solen Feyissa / unsplash (not the actual photo)
I felt that those expectations are very entitled, honestly a little vindictive, envious (permanent tattoo part) and very over the top for my taste. The decision to bring a child in the world is both partners’ decision. My wife in our case is not forced to be a mom or be pregnant, as she wants to be a parent too.
I simply replied to the TikTok with laughing emojis and moved on, thinking it was the end of it and probably thought she meant to send that TikTok as a satire, like: “oh look how dumb this woman is, thinking she deserves all that”
She was in the other room when I reacted to the video, so she comes to me and tells me that she doesn’t expect a tattoo and a house exclusively for her, but she wants me to dip into my personal savings to get her a car exclusively for her.
I looked at her, almost shocked and began laughing. I thought my wife and I had similar views on how extremist people can be, and I was wrong.
I thought she was joking, and I pressed her if she was actually serious, she got very annoyed that I thought she was joking and probably imitating the entitled woman on the reel and she flatly said that she expects a real push present.
Image credits: Ron Lach / pexels (not the actual photo)
I said that her gift is the gift of parenthood and the realized outcome of a healthy baby. And materially speaking, I’ll probably gift her a Mother’s Day card, a day out or some jewelry she wants (total under 700 dollars), but nothing more.
I said if she really wants an extra car, it’ll be “OUR” car, not just hers. She pressed more and said how it isn’t enough for what she will go through.
She kept pushing and pushing and asked me if I think she’s not worthy enough. I told her she is worthy as my partner and the mother of my child, but she has to be realistic and realize that none of us, individually speaking, is worthy of what she’s asking for. That she has to manage her expectations because I don’t see why she feels she deserves that.
It came out wrong but I didn’t mean to dismiss her as a person. She isn’t speaking to me and is crying arguing about it. I heard her criticizing me to her sister on the phone but under no circumstances would I ever considering gifting HER a car.
I feel bad she is hurting right now but I don’t feel bad for giving her a reality check.”
Credits: throwra-pushpresent
This situation could be described as an example of mixed communication and mismatched expectations
Image credits: Kampus Production / pexels (not the actual photo)
As you may have understood by now, a push present, sometimes also called a ‘baby bauble,’ is a gift that supposedly acknowledges the emotional and physical struggles put into delivering the baby.
Some trace the tradition back hundreds of years to India’s Godh Bharai ceremony, similar to modern baby showers, which involves celebrating and blessing the mother-to-be with things like food, jewelry, and family heirlooms.
It’s been said that recently, push presents have gained popularity, fueled by the rise of social media and celebrity culture.
Last month, for example, Hailey Bieber took to Instagram to share a snap of her hand that showed off a new addition to her jewelry collection: a diamond-studded gold ring that spells out “MOM.”
Given the nature of the piece, fans have speculated that the new accoutrement was a push present from her husband Justin.
But, of course, it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact prevalence of push presents, as there isn’t much concrete data available to track how common the practice has become.
Sylvia Smith, who is a relationship expert at Marriage.com, a website that offers expert advice and resources on relationships, agrees that the value of a push present should not be measured by material worth, but rather by the sentiment behind it. It doesn’t need to be extravagant to be meaningful.
“As for whether the man should give their wives a push present or not, I feel that it is all about the intention and not the actual present,” she tells Newsweek. “It needs to be organic in nature and expectations from both partners need to be on the same page.”
And if it’s the wife expressing a specific desire for something, “a frank discussion needs to be had regarding what can work and what does feel fair in being appreciated.”
Talking about this particular case, Smith believes “it was a mixed communication and a mismatched expectation.”
“He just didn’t quite capture what it is she wanted, and his response made her feel hurt. Instead of flat-out dismissing her, it could have been an opportunity to better understand why this significant gesture meant so much to her.”
Most people believe there’s nothing wrong with the man’s reply
But some believe he should’ve handled the situation differently
