Many of you probably assume that parents will always love and support their children, no matter what. Unfortunately, the reality sometimes looks different. In some cases, parents cut off their kids after they come out as LGBTQ+. And it can hurt to realize that later, those same adults only want to reconnect with you because they’re in financial trouble.
Redditor u/Mindless_School2475 opened up to the AITAH online community about a very sensitive situation in his family. He shared that his mother, who had cut him out of her life when he came out as gay, suddenly showed up in his life again, asking for part of the inheritance he’d received.
You’ll find the full story, as well as the advice the internet gave the man, below. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
Sadly, some people are so bigoted and narrowminded that they cut off their own children if they don’t match their expectations
Image credits: Mizuno K / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A gay man opened up about how his mom had disowned him and only contacted him after years of silence once he inherited a sizeable amount of money
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Mindless_School2475
Parental rejection can have negative consequences for young LGBTQ+ adults
The American Psychological Association reports that parental rejection and traumatic reactions can have a lot of negative consequences for LGBTQ+ young adults. This rejection leads to higher levels of depression, and addiction, among other consequences.
According to one study, LGBTQ+ adults maintain their parent-child bond by managing their parents’ rejection of their gender or sexuality identity through ‘conflict work.’ This includes conflict education work, avoidance work, acceptance work, and boundary work,
Family comes first, sure, but this doesn’t mean that you can suddenly throw all the relevant context out the window after you’ve been rejected time and time again.
‘Family’ doesn’t necessarily mean someone who’s related to you by blood. ‘Family’ can mean your chosen family: the people nearest and dearest to you, who always support you, and will have your back on good days as well as bad.
Authentic and meaningful relationships require mutual respect, honesty, and reciprocity
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
Deep relationships, friendships, and love all require sacrifices. There needs to be a genuine sense of give-and-take here. If someone constantly judges you, refuses to support you, cuts off all contact, and then asks for your help, then that’s not love—it’s them using you because it’s convenient.
Of course, everyone should get a second chance to admit that they’ve made a huge mistake. However, when there’s any sort of cash involved, the timing is awfully suspicious. Rebuilding trust takes a long time and requires consistent actions that show someone’s changed, not just fancy promises.
The reality is that if you suddenly come into a large sum of money—whether through an inheritance, winning the lottery, or success through business—there will always be people in your social circle hoping to take advantage of you.
Once the news gets around, you’ll suddenly have long-lost relatives knocking at your door, as well as random acquaintances and long-forgotten friends asking to reconnect. If they wanted to spend some quality time with you, they had the means to reach out to you. However, they decided to do so only after you made it big.
You can be charitable. You can be empathetic. What you do with your money is your choice. However, it’s not your duty to suddenly use up all of your resources to solve everyone else’s problems, both large and small. They’re grown-ups, too, who have to take care of their own finances. Moreover, they have to take responsibility for their actions. Disowning someone does not entitle you to their inheritance. Judging someone for who they are does not mean that you get rewarded.
Getting in touch with a financial advisor and an estate attorney might give you some helpful insights into how to proceed
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Whether or not you choose to give some of your inheritance to anyone who asks for it is going to have consequences no matter what. There’s no guarantee that your relationship with those people will improve once they get what they want. In some cases, though, someone who feels envious of other people’s success can start making their life hell. For instance, by spreading lies about them. Or even taking them to court.
If you do decide to give your relatives or friends some of your inheritance, you should consider having an estate attorney draw up an agreement so that they can’t claim more of your money in the future. In other words, you should protect yourself legally.
Meanwhile, you may want to consider investing part of your inheritance. What you do will depend not just on the funds available to you but also on your risk tolerance. Whatever the case might be, it’s best to talk to a qualified financial advisor.
The key here is to make sure that your advisor has a fiduciary duty to their clients. This ensures that they are legally obligated to act in their clients’ best interests.
What would you do if you were in the author’s shoes, dear Pandas? How would you handle such a sensitive situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Many internet users were shocked by the mom’s behavior. They stood in support of the man and offered him some impartial advice
A small minority of internet users had another perspective
