Parents are everyday heroes for all the effort they put in, and being a single mom or dad certainly isn’t easy. However, raising children shouldn’t be seen as a competition. It’s unhealthy to start comparing who has more kids, more chores, and a busier lifestyle. Meanwhile, it’s unfair to saddle a relative with babysitting duties when they’re otherwise busy.
A single dad, u/Plenty-Blood1526, went viral on the popular AITAH online group after asking the community for some friendly advice after an argument with his sister, a mother of three. He shared how he decided to enforce some boundaries with her after she disrespected his role as a parent of one. Read on for the full story and for the advice many helpful internet users gave the dad. Bored Panda reached out to the author, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from him.
Being a good parent is a full-time job and requires you to regularly spend quality time with your children
Image credits: peus80 / envato (not the actual photo)
A dad shared how his sister tried to pressure him into babysitting her kids, when he had already made plans with his own daughter
Image credits: msvyatkovska / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Plenty-Blood1526
Healthy boundaries and mutual respect are good for everyone, no matter if they’re your family or complete strangers
The simple fact is that nobody likes to feel used. Nor does anyone enjoy being pressured into doing something that goes against their values and beliefs. Boundaries are there for a reason: they allow us to develop healthier, happier relationships with other people. That holds true for interacting with your relatives, too.
Love is centered around respect and trust, not just sacrifice. There needs to be a give-and-take dynamic at work here. If you’re always giving but never receive anything in return, it’s not love, it’s someone taking advantage of you because it’s convenient.
So, family members can’t just demand you to ignore all of your plans and responsibilities at the drop of a hat, to help them out with whatever. If you constantly run errands for others without finding time for yourself or your own loved ones, not only are you going to end up being exhausted, you’ll likely end up having a superficial relationship with your kids. And that’s not great for anyone.
Prioritizing yourself and your children isn’t a sin. You can love your siblings very much and have meaningful relationships with them without being at their every beck and call. Saying ‘no’ when you mean it, being authentic, and protecting your boundaries are all mature things to do. Telling someone they don’t have it as hard because they have fewer kids, on the other hand, is very immature.
It’s definitely possible to reestablish a good connection between the two siblings, but it’ll require the sister to change her attitude, cut back on the requests, and show that she respects her brother. Rebuilding that trust probably won’t come easy and will take a long time, though. Starting things off with a sincere apology, taking responsibility for the hurtful comment, and a promise to change is probably a good start.
You don’t always have to rely on your relatives to look after your kids. It’s not difficult to hire a good babysitter
And it’s not like there’s a Catch-22, unsolvable dilemma here. There are so many possible solutions and compromises here. Asking your relatives to babysit once in a while is fine, so long as you don’t turn it into a full-time unpaid job. However, if they’re busy with other things, there are plenty of quality babysitters you can hire, whether from super fancy organizations or your friendly neighbors.
If it’s a matter of trust, you can always ask around for some recommendations. It’s incredibly likely that your family, friends, and neighbors know some trustworthy, experienced, and capable sitters whom they’d be happy to recommend to you.
Hiring a babysitter once in a while won’t break the bank. To put it slightly more bluntly, if your financial situation allows you to go on a retreat, it’s certainly not out of your price range to hire someone to look after your children, instead of always relying on a family member to pitch in.
Meanwhile, any of the author’s relatives who are judgmental of him enforcing some basic boundaries are also fully capable of lending a hand and babysitting his sister’s 3 children.
Having boundaries and enforcing them is nothing to feel guilty about. On the contrary, this leads to healthier relationships
Broadly speaking, the clearer you are and the better you communicate about your babysitting needs, the easier things will be between you and your family members.
Everyone needs to be on the same page. There need to be some basic ground rules so that everyone knows what to expect. If there are any issues, they need to be raised and actively listened to. Free babysitting is a privilege, not a right. And publicly showing some gratitude every once in a while is certainly appreciated, even if it’s become commonplace.
From a psychological point of view, it’s usually best to stay calm and keep away from judging others or accusing them, even if they’ve done something wrong.
If your goal is to find common ground and to reinforce your boundaries, then should use a lot of “I” statements and talk about how their behavior makes you feel. The less defensive the other party gets, the more likely they are to hear you out.
What would you do if you were in the single dad’s shoes, dear readers? Have you ever become your family’s free go-to babysitter? What do you do to enforce healthy boundaries with your siblings? How often do you ask your relatives to babysit your kids? Share your advice and opinions in the comments.
Many readers were shocked by the sister’s behavior. They stood in support of how the brother handled things
