Cringe is everywhere around us. Within us, even. So when Reddit user PaddedValls made a post on r/AskUK, inviting people to share their most embarrassing moments, many did. So we decided it would be a nice idea to pick out the wildest stories and remind each other that we are all exceptionally good at making a fool out of ourselves. I know this might not be very comforting in the moment of, but after enough time passes, at least we're left with something laugh at.
#1
In Vietnam, I visited a tiny spa for my first ever massage! The staff couldn't speak English, and I couldn't speak Vietnamese, so we used interesting hand gestures and did a lot of pointing.
I pointed to a picture with "30 minutes" for my massage. They handed me a towel and... a shower cap? They pointed to a bathroom at the back of the spa and did a mine of someone undressing, and then I went to get changed.
I emerged in my towel, and the ladies at the spa burst out laughing and started pointing at my head. They started typing something on Google Translate to inform me that the "shower cap" was actually a pair of paper knickers. I felt like such a tit, and burst out laughing with them.
Image credits: Visible_Compote9193
#2
In a restaurant I needed to fart, so waited for a loud bit in the background music, then let rip. Then remembered I had earphones on.
Image credits: gnomeplanet
#3
My boss told all of us that she had an inoperable brain tumor. Without missing a beat I said, “I told you this place would [end] you.” It’s been 20 years, I’m still mortified.
Image credits: MandaPandaLee
#4
*Sigh* sadly this was not long ago. I was trying to say to my senior colleague “Well blow me down” And mid-mouth movement thought, no, GCP. Better to say, you could knock me over with a feather. What I actually said. To essentially my boss, was: *Blow me, FeatherKnocker.*
My husband says this to me regularly now.
Image credits: GardenCookiePest
#5
I was working long hours building a studio set. I ended up staying in a nearby Travelodge, paid for by work. The next day, in front of the carpenters and warehouse guys and all assembled people I said to the boss "Thank you for last night. And this morning.".
Image credits: Punctum-tsk
#6
We had a math exam in high school. The teacher distributed the test to everyone and always started the time at his clock "officially" so that we have exactly 45 minutes to write the test. As he counts down everyone in class was dead quit waiting for the start to turn their papers. One second before the countdown was over I accidentally released a VERY loud fart. After a moment of silence everyone started laughing. Then the teacher said "Well, this was your starting signal, Go!" We wrote the test and during the whole 45 minutes from somewhere in some row somebody started laughing by themselves again and infected a couple of other people. This suppressed laughter is the funniest and spreads like a virus. It were some very long 45 minutes for me.
#7
Yeah this is easy. In my 20s, I had a crush on someone at work. I bumped into him on the way back from the works canteen one afternoon, I'd told my team I was going and asked if anyone had any orders. Consequently I had my arms filled with chocolate and crisps.
He said something like "I hope that's not all for you"
I said - I will never know why - in a squeaky cartoon character voice, "I'm actually a little squirrel storing up all my nuts for the winter"
He looked sort of horrified. I went into a panic mode and exited the scene quickly... doing little jumps and squeaks LIKE A SQUIRREL
It was a lonely summer.
Image credits: GoldenGolgis
#8
When I was maybe 8 or so I really fancied this girl in my class but she was ‘going out’ with my best friend at the time. One day they broke up, as kids do, and I saw my chance. Asked her out, she said yes, and I invited her to mine to hang out one afternoon. I figured I needed to buy her a gift so I went to New Look and found a hot pink necklace that said ‘sexy’. That’s perfect, I thought! Bought it for all of two quid and showed my mum when I got home. She laughed and told me it was highly inappropriate for an 8 year old. Gave it to her anyway and she broke up with me because she didn’t like it.
edit: should add that i ended up a flaming homo so, was probably for the best.
Image credits: thatsgossip
#9
I was working on a huge building site as an apprentice. I often had to take drawings to the site office of another company who were sharing the job with the company who I worked for.
I always took the opportunity to 'chat up' their hot admin girl and had boasted to others on the site that she was flirting with me.
One day near the end of Summer I went round there, and she said "I guess I won't be seeing you after this week eh"
I looked confused and asked why, and she said "because the school holidays are finishing and you'll be going back to school"
She thought I was a schoolboy helping my dad out over the Summer.
Image credits: Fudball1
#10
I was standing at my back fence smoking a joint, and the Amazon deliverer came up to me and asked "are you 13?" Me, a bit stoned and waiting for parts for a vape, assumed she was asking my age to verify if I was over 18 and take the package. I looked at her like she was stupid and said "yeah of course, I'm 28 years old!"
She says "...I mean, is your house number 13?"
Not the worst in the world, but I felt so stupid after ?.
Image credits: Mr_Sedgewick
#11
Hadn't long started my first job as an IT apprentice. I was a really shy, quiet teenager who barely spoke, let alone cracked jokes or did "banter".
One day my boss asked if I had finished doing something. I thought it would be funny to reply with a Simpsons quote - "As long as there are absolutely no followup questions, yes, yes I have".
But I f****d it up and actually said "As long as you don't ask me again, yes".
Boss had a real short fuse but somehow managed to keep from exploding at me, although I could tell he wanted to as he went bright red.
He just stood there for a second before silently walking off as I hoped a hole would open up in the floor.
Oh just thought of another one - was chatting to the old lady next door about a cat that kept trying to get into people's houses. I meant to say "I wouldn't mind it coming in but I'm allergic to cat hair and get a really bad reaction", but stumbled over my words and said "really bad erection"...
Image credits: anon
#12
Without looking, when I was a young teen, I started walking with another family in the supermarket right next to their trolley. I only realised as I was about to put a bag of crisps in their trolley and got an awkward look from Not-My-Mum lady.
I scarpered, never seen them since, I often wonder what life would have been like..
Image credits: windtrees7791
#13
During a work conversation about musical instruments we'd learned when we were young, a Chinese colleague said she'd played the piano. I asked whether she'd learned Chopsticks. I had precisely no thought for the connection, until everyone sort of just moved away from disgusting racist me.
Image credits: nervouscrying
#14
My first ever job out of university was working for a consultancy in London, and it had an open plan office where we were all sat and could hear all and see all. It was quite a stuffy environment as you might expect, very old school place.
Anyway on the end of my FIRST day, I went to go home, I had my headphones in already and I tried to say "Ok, bye guys!" to the people near me.
What actually happened was me shouting "OK BYE GAYS!" at the top of my lungs to the entire floor.
Image credits: Sir_Rimmington
#15
In year 8 or 9 I didn't want to do sports day at school so I pretended to faint, right on the field infront of the whole school while the teachers carried me inside.
Image credits: Andromeda98_
#16
Dance off. A f*****g dance-off. I still can't believe it many years later.... while I was at uni, God knows what possessed me, but I have been grossly ashamed ever since.
Image credits: eveystevey
#17
In 1993 or 94 I went to my then girlfriend’s 21st birthday party in beige baggy suit trousers, white grandad shirt, and a matching beige waistcoat. I looked like an absolute twat.
Image credits: New-Suspect-8842
#18
Not my cringe but my sister's. She's a very relaxed chatty personality and upon joining her new office job, she accidentally said love you at the end of a Teams call to her boss. Mortifying!
Image credits: Carnegie118
#19
I went to my work Christmas Party in black skinny jeans and a flannel shirt, literally all of the other 100+ guys there were in suit and tie.
Image credits: How-Football-Works
#20
When I was in the hairdressers she asked where my parting was but I thought she said parking so I replied ‘just up the road!’.
Image credits: cmrndzpm
#21
A friend of mine (who was a bit of a metal fan and had shoulder length hair) really fancied a girl and she said something about not liking long hair on men, so he cut off his hair that night with scissors and gave her a carrier bag full of hair in school the next day, as an overblown romantic gesture.
She was pretty freaked out and it didn't work, obviously.
Image credits: BobBobBobBobBobDave
#22
A bit similar to yours, I walked all the way to a nearby village, about 4 miles to meet a girl when I was about 16.
I didn’t have money for the bus but didn’t tell her that. unbeknown to me I had grass and leaves all in my hair. She was very confused.
I had to confess I had walked and taken a shortcut through a corn field
It must have worked as she married me and we’ve been together for nearly 20 years
Her grandad gave me a lift back home when it was time for me go. Apparently, I had won him over straight away having walked all that way to meet his granddaughter.
#23
Did a sexy dance for my partner whilst believing my parents were busy in the kitchen. Dad was stood behind me….
Image credits: idontlikemondays321
#24
School reunion... 25 years I think it was. We (group) were having a conversation about teacher's nicknames and I related the one about Miss Biscup who was rather well endowed in the chest department, being called Miss Bigcups.
To Miss Biscup.
Image credits: Ecstatic_Effective42
#25
When I was at University there was a blind student whose lectures were in the same building as mine. He had a guide dog - a Golden Retriever - and being young I decided to speak to him - you know, prove I considered him as just another student, I wasn't ableist, etc etc.
And what was the first thing that fell out of my mouth when I opened it?
"Isn't your dog a lovely colour?"
To his eternal credit, he grinned and replied, "So they tell me.".
#26
Bumped into an old friend, his face looked a bit swollen so I jovially said hello and went bloody hell mate you been stung by a bee or something what's happened there (while laughing).
His response - no mate, I've got cancer and I've lost half my jaw.
Proceeded to show me, I've never wanted to jump into the biggest hole I could find more in my life.
Image credits: Shearerfied
#27
Kicked my shoe off on a bus, which sped 3 seats away. Had to get up with 1 shoe on, tap the person on the shoulder who was sitting in the seat my shoe landed under and ask them to get up so I could retrieve it!!
Image credits: Angel777Angel
#28
Sat in the sixth form centre having a conversation in a group of around 10 or so.
I can't remember what the guy said to me, due to the sheer embarrassment of what happened next, but whatever he said, I replied with the classic teenager line of 'Your Mum'.
Instantly remembered his mum died in an accident.
In my panic I apologise and say 'oh Your Dad'.
Instantly remembered his dad died in the same accident.
Cue me wanting the earth to swallow me whole.
Image credits: EntertainmentIll9030
#29
I thought a bartender was asking me out when he asked for my email for an email receipt. I pointed to my ring finger and said ‘I’m engaged’.
It was the first time I’d ever been asked for an email receipt, if that’s any excuse. It haunts me to this day.
#30
I had a crush (I feel like most cringey stories start with that, right?!)
I had a crush on this guy who had loads of friends and was cool. Our group of friends had been on a trip out at camp, and I'd taken lots of pics, but I had some space left on the roll. So, bored, I got a scrabble board and wrote every cheesy word for love and sex that I could fit into the scrabble board, and his name in the middle, and took a picture of it. Had the roll processed. Forgot about the scrabble picture...
Everyone in our friend group wanted to see, and one of the girls snatched the pictures out of my hands before I'd looked through them. Found that one. I was the laughing stock of everyone.
Did I mention I'm also a guy?
Image credits: MintyMystery
#31
It was the summer of 2012 and Carly Rae-Jepson's 'Call Me Maybe' was f*****g EVERYWHERE.
It was only a matter of time before it started to be used as a pick up line and sailing so, my friend Luke was in his mind, the first and only person to have this thought.
Smitten with the cashier in Holland & Barrett he fumbled his way through the transaction, then decided he had to take his chance.
Instead of asking, or thank f**k...Singing this, he decided he wanted to leave it as a little note. The first issue being, neither of us had a pen.
So he goes back into the store and asks the target for the pen. She's weary at this point but nonetheless gives the pen as Luke leaves with it. Second issue. We've no paper.
Luke goes back in a second time (Third if you count initial visit), and asks for some paper, again. Alarm bells ringing in this poor girls head but she prints off a piece of till receipt and hands it over.
Third issue, Luke follows inspiration from the song but f*****g butchers it and writes down
"Hey, I just met you.
And this is crazy
But my name's Luke
and here's my number"
Which pretty much negates his entire plan, but whatever.
We both go in, this poor girl is now reluctant to return to the till but a queue forms behind us so she is now contractually obliged to put up with this absolute nonsense.
He hands her the receipt, she doesn't take it. He places it on the till
"Y....y..you don't have to do anything with it....it's...it's just there BYE" And rushes out the store, within a nanosecond he returns with the pen "OH and your pen....S...sorry". As he darts out again. For some reason I'm next in the queue I shrug confused at the girl and go on my way.
He never did get a call.
Not even my story but second hand cringe does still indeed hurt.
#32
We had an absolute stunner of a girl in college. Probably one of the most beautiful people I've ever known. Super intelligent and as friendly as you can imagine. We always had a good chat in school despite the fact she knew I was very shy. Over time at college parties she got increasingly flirty with me. I was WAAAYYYY out of her league but without fail at parties I would often end up dancing with her. The weekend before we all went off to uni most of the 6th form we were out drinking and I was sitting down the side of the pub in the quiet area to cool off. Next thing I know she plops herself down next to me and we end up talking for an hour about uni and how much we'd miss our chats etc etc.
Drunk me decided to say this....
"Can I just say, you have the nicest pair of [breasts] in the world"
She promptly thanked me, got up and said bye and I never saw her again. At the time I didn't think anything about it but woke up in the morning remembering all of it and basically curled up into a ball and screamed.
To this day I'll never know if I had a shot, probably not, but certainly not after that.
Image credits: InevitableCarrot4858
#33
At work in the smoking room when I was younger, talk turned to rising house prices, I said how will I afford a house. Someone replied your parents might leave you theirs, as a (bad taste) joke I asked if anyone knew a hitman. Later that day I was asked did I not know about my colleague (who was in smoking room), I said no why? He had been convicted of shooting 2 people dead. Good times. FML.
Image credits: cpr8768
#34
Interview at toy's r us, we were all handed a random toy to try and sell, I was given a box of lions.
My turn came up and was expected, complete brain fart.
I spend ten minutes trying to sell a box of 4 plastic lions to a group of 20 somethings and for some reason, unbeknown to me, my mind spat out "Sunday toys", and I hooked on to that word as its all I had, so I spent ten minutes of pure terror and confusion highlighting the benefits of 4 plastic lions whole saying "Sunday toys" way to many times.
This 18 year old man, sweating, pale, stood up in a small room clutching this small cardboard box of plastic lions, while mumbling something about education and loudly stating "Sunday toys" every few moments was met with the eyes of people who also had no idea what "Sunday toys" were and were wondering what childhood I had to only be allowed toys on a Sunday.
Didn't get the job, not because of Sunday toys, but because they asked would I work overtime for free, I said no, interview ended there.
Proceeded to get a job doing door to door sales.
#35
Asking a blind chap if he could "see what I mean".
Image credits: kylehyde84
#36
I was an extra in a feature film that no one has seen when I was around 20/21 or so. On the day, it was a wedding scene so we were dressed smart for the wedding. This girl extra took a liking to me, flirting with me, said I look really nice in a suit, director happened to pair us up for some background walking and as a couple at a table type thing, really giggly etc. She's been an actress on some TV shows, and big Christmas adverts, that's all I'm going to say about that.
Well we were all invited to the wrap party. I had been texting with this girl for a few weeks, she lived in a posh part of London, really outgoing, loves life etc kind of girl.
For some reason, I decided it would be cool if I wore a tracksuit, hoody and talked a bit like a chav. Absolutely no idea why I did it other than I thought it would be cool. It's not who I am at all, I don't ever wear tracksuits etc.
Never heard from her again.
#37
I once told a classroom of teenagers to 'take a s**t' instead of a sheet. ?.
#38
I once packed up an enormous load of filming equipment for a student to borrow from our loan counter. He happened to be living with cancer at this time, just recently back from a few months off for serious amounts of chemotherapy. His mum was picking him up in an old Ford fiesta and this kid has packed broadcast cameras, lighting and a micro crane for his short film. I asked if he was sure he wanted to take all of it knowing his mum would need to cram it into a tiny car? “Ok then mate… it’s your funeral.”
I wished the earth would have swallowed me while at that point. Great kid though, he just made a dark joke and laughed.
#39
Didn't happen to me, but what I unintentionally **did**, caused this to happen to someone else.
A friend of mine invited me out to this lass's birthday in her local pub. My mate fancied the pants off her and she offered for me and him to go back to hers for more drinks with her roommate.
I thought I'd do my mate a favor, acting the wingman, and say "Yeah sounds good" so he could chat with her more. When we got in hers I started to nod off on the couch and left them to talking. Before I fell asleep however, she said she needed to go upstairs as her roommate was vomiting in the loo.
Anyway at an undisclosed amount of time later. There's a knock at the door, which woke me up, but I kept up the guise I was still asleep. I'm f*****g glad I did as the next few minutes still haunt me.
My mate had been sitting on the couch for sometime and it looked like the lass he was crushing on still hasn't come back down stairs yet. So he gets up answers the door and its a **lad his crush has invited round from Tinder**...
She comes down stairs and says "Oh I forgot you two were here" and ushers the Tinder lad upstairs to my mates horror. **Oh f*****g no** as you can imagine.
I "woke up" a few minutes later, pretending like nothing happened and got a taxi home with my mate. He said nothing to me the entire trip home.
Tried to do my mate a solid and it backfired massively. I always thought after that, she defo did him dirty like that on purpose, as I think she knew he fancied her and she was a bit Regina George at times...
Saddest part is said mate is now engaged to her despite all of that ?.
#40
I used to work in Virgin Megastore when I was a teenager.
A girl came in to buy a DVD... it was an 18 and she was very short. I asked if she had ID... she got angry and said that she was in her 20's.
"Sorry, I can't serve you without ID"
I looked at the woman she was with and said "your mum can buy it for you though".
It was her girlfriend!
#41
I sent a girl I really fancied a full bunch of roses for (I imagine) Valentines Day, in hindsight going from casual Hi in the corridor to full on bunch of roses was skipping a few too many steps. I think i got a thanks and then we never mentioned it again. I was such a goon.
#42
I accidentally said "I love you, bye" instead of "okay bye" to my tutor lmao, idk how it happened I was trying to say okay bye and it just sounded like I love you help.
#43
Got a haircut from a drop-dead gorgeous brunette. She was tall, statuesque and was very friendly. Decided to try and chat her up when she wasn't working on my hair, so dropped into the salon one day and asked for her. She came out from where she was, looking entirely frazzled and out of sorts. Tried asking her out and got brutally denied. I took the L and slunk out of there like the loser I was.
#44
One time I was at the mall as a teenager and there was a really cute guy working at the Chinese place giving away free samples. Well I took one and went to eat it but somehow my hair got caught in my hand or some s**t and went into my mouth with the chicken. So I had to pull my hair out while trying not to spit the chicken out all the while this dude is just staring at me like what the f**k.
I just mumbled okay thanks and walked away. Still have nightmares about that s**t sometimes lol. And it wasn’t a small piece of hair either it was like a whole chunk some how ?.
#45
History class. We were watching Roots which, if you've not seen it, is a decent show about slavery. I come from a former mining town in the north which had all the diversity of a single occupant flat. It's better now.
This is where I heard the N-bomb for the first time. *However*, I hadn't appreciated (somehow, God knows how) that it was a bad word and not to be repeated in polite company.
A tune went through my head. "Figaro". I began to sing to myself, as can happen when you space out in the dead periods between lessons.
Luckily, the first person who heard what I was actually singing was enough of a friend to explain why I needed to stop.
I need to stress that I was 14 at the time and had absolutely no idea what the word meant, having heard it for the first time an hour prior.
#46
Not the cringiest by far but two recent ones.
There’s a woman at work who once a month will curl up in a ball on our sofa in the office and sleep/complain of being unwell. The sofa is in a lounge area so not very public to the general office/company. I concluded this must be her ‘time of the month’ as it happened about once a month. One day I was with two colleagues and one made a comment about how this woman wasn’t feeling well, or something like that. I confidently proclaimed “she’s on her period”, they both looked at me and awkwardly asked how I knew, (I guess just conversation reaction) and I explained how I noticed she was unwell once a month blah blah blah. I then realised this was a pretty awkward thing to be discussing, especially as im not remotely close with either of these two people or the woman, and why the f**k am I monitoring/speculating on a colleagues menstrual cycle?!? so quickly changed the convo then left.
When I started at said company there was another woman in a different department, I swear to God she kept staring at me. This made me really nervous of her as she is a 10/10 and I dont like attention. I worked up the courage and approached her and had a very nervous awkward conversation- she seemed cool as a cucumber. She kept staring at me and I started to avoid her as I was too nervous and it was just always awkward. Many months later I’m walking past her and she asks how I am, 10 second awkward conversation later I walk off. I conclude she's definitely interested so go straight on teams and ask if she wants to get a drink or coffee sometime.
She replies "maybe a coffee, il let you know when I’m free". 12 months later nothing. I guess shyness is not attractive.... who knew? lol
And she still stares at me!
Image credits: flashbastrd
#47
Gosh, my old manager and I got on fairly well. We would go for drinks every Friday etc.
The new head boss asked me to go through some reports, which I did. Everything was wrong, it was for procurement so had to be 100% on money.
My role was a standalone role so my manager didn’t have anything to do with me other than holiday requests and reviews.
My manager went ape s**t at me. I told her that she used the wrong (simple) equation. Which fuelled the fire.
It doesn’t sound that cringey but I then learnt not to be friends with people you work with.
Image credits: Original_Bad_3416
#48
First ever gf...met at a holiday park in Devon when I was 16, she was playing air hockey with her mum in the arcade, how the hell did I start chatting her up in front of her mum, no idea...we were together 4 months and still friends today
Other one people say is cringy in todays world but back then everyone thought it was really sweet. On the bus home, heard this girl behind me giggling so turned around and she had the most beautiful smile ever. I was too scared to say anything. I got home wrote a letter and hoped to see her again but never did for 2months...then she was on the bus again but with loads of people, didn't do anything again. Then she was in the local paper for some charity thing...last name, looked it up in the phone, only a few names and one right by where she gets off the bus...so rewrote the letter and sent it...she called me that day (back in 98 so no mobile) and didn't remember me...wanted a photo so popped it over on the way to college...didn't expect to hear from her but she called that night, 4hrs on the phone and met that weekend. Was together two years.
#49
I fancied this girl all the way through secondary school. I sent her a valentine's card in the first year but had no idea what to write in it so filled it with rude rhymes. She said nothing to me but I phoned her and her mum answered and said oh it's you that sent the disgusting card, she does not want to talk to you. She agreed to go on a date but cancelled for no real reason and would do throughout school (she came to my house one Saturday afternoon with 2 mates). For some reason I got a rush of blood to the head in the playground and ran up to her whilst she was on the grass but in my head I decided to run full pelt and knock her over. I have no idea why.
My first year at work I was asked to come in at the weekend to re-organise the archive (huge boxes full of papers for legal reasons) and I'd been DJing the night before and done acid. I came into work at 9am still tripping my tits off. The guy in charge asked me to move these boxes from X to Y but he then went off for a "meeting" which happened to be the local pub. He came back after lunch to find that I'd moved them only 1 foot. He was so enraged he sent me home and I had to walk all the way as he refused to give me a lift and then never asked me to work the weekend again.
I once fell down the steps at work when it was icy and bounced down every single step like a cartoon and hit the bottom in a pile. I thought I'd got away with it but a cheer rang out from the other side of the yard.
#50
I went to a stage do as kinda a plus one.
My mate worked with the groom and someone had dropped out so there was a spare ticket. It was a big group maybe 15/20 of us. I had a good time.
Even though I barely spoke to the groom I got an evening invite to the wedding. Turned up to the wedding and sat on the table with some of the lads from the stag do. Asking each other if they were day guests or just evening guests.
Anyway turned round and asked some turns out they were the groom. Felt mortified.
