Finding love after losing a partner might not be easy. But sooner or later it is possible; and that doesn’t mean that the fond feelings you had for the person are gone.
For this redditor, the fond feelings her boyfriend had for his late wife became too difficult to bear. She tried keeping it to herself, but a birthday party arranged for his wife became the breaking point in the relationship. Scroll down to find the full story in her own words below.
Celebrating a loved one who has passed is something many people do
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But for this woman, having to celebrate her boyfriend’s late wife was the breaking point in the relationship
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Image credits: ThrowRA_GreyGoose
Fellow netizens were seemingly split into camps over the matter, but many believed the woman wasn’t a jerk
Others, however, shared a different opinion
Even though losing a partner can be absolutely heartbreaking, it is possible for people to find love again
Grief is a deeply personal experience, so there is no wrong or right way to grieve someone, especially someone you loved dearly. And while it might feel like you won’t be able to love again after losing a partner, there is a chance that love will come knocking on your door again when you’re ready.
Discussing love after loss in a piece for Psychology Today, a professor of sociology and director of the Center for Innovation in Social Science at Boston University, Dr. Deborah Carr, noted that the pain of loss tends to lessen with time. She also suggested that moving on—at one’s own pace—can be healthy and the person shouldn’t feel guilty about finding love again.
“Widows and widowers sometimes feel social pressure to stay single for life, out of respect for their late spouse. But norms have changed over the past century. Widows no longer wear black clothing for life, or withdraw from the social world. Bereaved persons who wish to find a new love should re-enter the dating world, once the initial sting of loss has passed,” Carr wrote.
The expert continued to add that some people might show no interest in dating after losing a partner, which is perfectly normal, too. “Widows and widowers know best what makes them happy, and should pursue their happiness however they see fit.”
Whether or not to start a new relationship after experiencing a loss and when to do it are deeply personal decisions
Another expert, psychologist Mark Travers, also noted that whether or not to dive into a new relationship—and when to do it—is a deeply personal decision; one that should not be rushed. For those seeking to embark on a new romantic adventure after the painful end of the last one, writing for Forbes, Travers suggested taking three steps to make the transition easier.
Firstly, it might be a good idea to create a memory box with items of sentimental value to serve as tangible reminders of the relationship and a source of comfort during difficult times. In addition to that, assembling the box can be therapeutic, too, which may help the wounds heal faster.
Secondly, Travers suggested writing a letter to the deceased loved one, which can be not only therapeutic but even cathartic to the person who’s hurting. Thirdly, the expert emphasized the importance of being open to new experiences, as well as new prospects of love.
Finding a partner after experiencing a loss in no way means replacing someone or forgetting all about the feelings you had for them. It means opening your heart to someone special again, and it seems that the OP’s boyfriend was able to eventually do that, too. But the woman didn’t feel at ease with her boyfriend’s decisions, with the aftermath of the late wife’s birthday party being the final straw. In an update she shared, the redditor revealed that she has since ended the relationship.
But some people in the comments under the OP’s post weren’t convinced that that was exactly what happened. They believed to have seen a different version of the events, as shared by the same person, which resulted in the OP receiving quite a few negative comments.
The woman didn’t take long to post an update
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Image credits: JR-50 / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowRA_GreyGoose
Those following the story shared their thoughts in the comments
But that may have not been the full story, according to some comments
