We just got back from dropping off our daughter, who is starting her second year of college. Over the past several days, I've also been reading the emotional posts from friends whose children are leaving home for the first time.
Here's what I wish I had known when I was in their place last year: It gets so much easier. I'm sure experienced parents shared this same wisdom with me when I was deep in my feelings about our first born leaving the nest. But it's hard to believe when your emotions are so tumultuous, and your mind is racing with a million details and worries.
Leading up to and during that first drop off, I was anxious and bereft and excited and overwhelmed. I'm sure our daughter felt some of that, albeit much more excitement about her impeding freedom from parental oversight.
This year was so different. She had that confidence built from experience and familiarity. She already knew the campus, her roommate and the city. And unlike the long, sentimental goodbye of senior year, the summer back home after freshman year is all about negotiating new boundaries at home and relearning how to be a semi-considerate member of a family again.
Dropping her off and helping her set up her dorm took a fraction of the time it did the first go-around.
Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to miss seeing her at home. I'm still going to worry when I don't hear from her for several days at a stretch. But I'm also better prepared to deal with it. I realized that even when a child is out of your house, they still rely on you for advice, encouragement, help and connection. They also learn to figure out a bunch of stuff on their own — which is really the whole point, isn't it?
I didn't expect the "letting go" pangs would be as difficult as they were last year. Nor did I expect it would be this much easier the second time around.
So, if you are going through the emotional upheaval of a child's college transition, consider this a virtual hug. I felt lonely for a couple of weeks after the first drop off. I think the range of emotions around it is all pretty normal.
But, check in with me next year.
You're starting a multi-year journey of growth — for everyone.
This is just the first step.
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