The first song I remember hearing
My parents are classical music types, but they did have a few Beatles/Stones/Dylan albums. I remember our big lumbering record player and sticking on Monday, Monday by the Mamas and the Papas, trying to get it right to the start [of the song], and the immense danger of scratching it.
The song I secretly like, but tell everyone I hate
I remember driving into Sky Sports and rolling the window down to show my pass, forgetting that A Whole New World from Aladdin was blasting out on some shuffled playlist. It’s a tune!
The first single I bought
My first single was the Anfield Rap on nine-inch vinyl – which is quite on brand I guess, despite not being a Liverpool fan. I remember the opening “Liverpool FC are hot as hell, United, Tottenham, Ars-e-nal … ”
My karaoke go-to
I can get away with a solid Sinatra’s That’s Life, and there’s nothing more fun than Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me in the Elton or George Michael role. You should always end with You’re the Voice by John Farnham. Possibly that’s because I’m married to an Australian and live there, but it’s a stone-cold classic. “We’re all someone’s daughter … We’re all SOMEONE’S SON. HOW LOOOOOONNNNGG CAN WE LOOK AT EACH OTHER … ?”
The song I inexplicably know every lyric to
There was a time when I knew all of American Pie, even getting the verses in the right order – but generally I’m appalling with lyrics because I start singing the tune before I know the words and make them up. It doesn’t matter to anyone, except Mrs Rushden who has to listen in the car.
The song I put on at a party
The last party where I actually put on music was probably my wedding in 2019. We had an amazing 90s band called Sega and the Boom Box, who could do Coolio and B*Witched back-to-back and keep the dancefloor filled up. I did book them, so that’s kind of putting on the music.
The song I streamed last
The last song I actually downloaded is Have a Little Faith in Me by John Hiatt. It was played at one of my best friend’s funerals a couple of years ago. I’d never heard it and it broke me at the time. I played it a lot afterwards. I haven’t for ages – life moves on, and you get bogged down in admin and banalities. But this question reminded me to put it on and listen and remember my friend.
The best song to have sex to
Ha ha! I genuinely can’t envisage a moment where my wife wouldn’t laugh at me if I put on some sultry music before trying to seduce her. Despite having the sex drive of an unambitious panda, I’m not going to stop proceedings to get the smart speaker working.
The song that gets me up in the morning
I have a 16-month-old. Music doesn’t get me up in the morning … unless The Wheels on the Bus is a valid answer. He fills in all the gaps saying “car car car”. It is indescribably cute.
The song I want played at my funeral
No idea, and I hope no one has to think about it until the late 2060s.
The Football Weekly Book by Barry Glendenning, Max Rushden & Jonathan Wilson (Guardian Faber, £12.99) is published on 28 September. To support the Guardian and Observer, pre-order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.
