

If you’ve quietly groaned whenever your boss whips out corporate jargon like “not having the bandwidth” to “circle back” on their “blue sky thinking”, I’ve got some welcome news.
A new study out of Cornell University has found that employees most fluent in corporate speak (read: gibberish) might actually be worse at their jobs.
How’s that “synergy” working for you now, huh?

To get to the bottom of the trend overtaking offices and Slack channels, researchers first had to define “corporate bullshit” — which they described as a “semantically empty and often confusing style of communication” in the workplace.
Hilariously, the study identified workers most excited by corporate speak through what it called a ‘Corporate Bullshit Receptivity Scale’.
Researchers presented a bunch of corporate employees with a mix of AI-generated, buzzword-filled phrases and actual quotes from Fortune 500 CEOs.
Respondents were asked to rate the business savvy of each quote to isolate those with the biggest hard-on for the fake, nonsensical quotes.

That group then underwent tests around how they’d respond to workplace scenarios, ultimately finding that they had less analytical thinking, reflective and problem-solving skills than those who saw through the corporate BS.
In other words, workers who continually want to “touch base” should follow their own request.
While you might get a sense of well-earned glee from the findings, the consequences of corporate BS can be far-reaching, because “employees who are more likely to fall for corporate bullshit may help elevate the types of dysfunctional leaders who are more likely to use it, creating a sort of negative feedback loop”, the study found.

Researchers also warned that overusing corporate speak can “obstruct clear communication and increase employee disengagement”, suggesting there’s more at play than the chuckle you share with your colleague when your boss mentions the “big picture”.
To end on a high note, I’ll leave you with one of the hilarious fake phrases used in the study, one that’ll send a shiver down the spine of anyone who has sat through a “huddle”.
“This synergistic look at our thought leadership will ensure that we are de-contenting and avoiding reputational deficits.”
Shakespeare’s been real quiet since that dropped.
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Lead images: 20th Century Studios
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