A Place In The Sun star Jonnie Irwin has discussed his plans for what could be a last Christmas with his family after his terminal cancer diagnosis.
The TV personality announced he was sick with lung cancer, but kept his diagnosis a secret for two years as he didn't want to be "treated differently". The 49-year-old has since revealed his lung cancer had spread to his brain then his liver, and doesn't know how long he has left.
Speaking alongside his wife Jess, 40, ahead of what could be Jonnie's last Christmas, the couple are planning to spend the day making memories with their children, Rex, three, and two-year-old twins Rafa and Cormac.
Jonnie said they’re "hurtling towards where we don’t want to be" and noted even doctors were surprised by the ‘violence’ in which his cancer returned, but the couple are trying to stay as positive as possible.
He told The Daily Mail: "We try to carry on as normal. We made a decision not to mourn and to make the most of every day. I’m still working — I’m doing a voice-over this afternoon — I try to manufacture positive thoughts.
People say, 'How do you stay so upbeat?' It’s a bit of an act, really.
"These last couple of months I haven’t liked having no energy, being doubled up in pain. I’m probably more stubborn than positive. But I have this determination to achieve something every day. I feel guilty if I sit down."
Jonnie said he’s "not looking forward to the chat with Rex" as his health deteriorates further, with the young boy’s birthday also falling on Christmas. Alongside gifts for their sons, "the emphasis will be on creating memories".
After Christmas, the couple said they’ll be celebrating the presenter’s 50th birthday, which falls in November but is being brought forward.
He said: "Mentally I’m quite strong but you find yourself drifting . . . towards the future. The weirdest thing is, if you’re doing something really enjoyable you get an instant prick: don’t get too happy. Don’t laugh. Down the road something really bad is going to happen.
"It keeps you in check. I struggle with this, if there’s a God why is He putting me through this? If it’s part of His plan, it’s a s**t plan."
Jess added to the publication: "'It scares me, the sadness coming my way. Everyone says, 'You'll manage. You'll be surprised.' I've never had dark thoughts for myself but I wonder now: 'How will I cope with the sadness?' I know I'll have to, for the boys. I'll have to put a smile on my face. But it worries me, the great grief that will hit me."
Jonnie, who has worked so hard to ensure the financial security of his family — ensuring the house is mortgage-free — discussed Jess remarrying in the future.
"I want Jess to be happy when I'm not here," he says. "I don't want her to be on her own. My most selfless decision is to wish her well for the rest of her life. If that is with someone else, then so be it. If she finds a good bloke to look after her and the boys, that would be great."
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