Does Summernats only start today, January 4? In my neighbourhood, less than two kilometres from the burnout arena, we've had nightly warm-ups since before Christmas.
I don't want to go all Karen on those pesky teenagers, and I'm assuming they're teenagers because activity picked up once school holidays started, but I'm a little over having my nightly meditations disrupted by the screeching of tyres.
When I bought in the northern Inner North a few years ago, I realised living close to EPIC was part of it. There are festivals galore, from pop music, to caravan and camping shows, to folk music and those farmers' market shoppers who risk their lives dashing across Northbourne with their jute tote bags full of spinach and sourdough.
Don't get me wrong. I love Summernats. I have been converted in recent years. You only have to attend once or twice to understand the passion and commitment the contestants and spectators alike have for their vehicles.
But for many of us Inner Northfarians, Summernats is so far out of our comfort zone, it could be in Calwell.
Here's a guide to surviving Summernats if you live in 2602.
It's all anthropology
Perhaps go all David Attenborough for a few days and view Summernats as a wonderful social experiment. OK, so you don't get it. They probably don't get the amount of money you spend on cheese at the Ainslie IGA either. People are different. That's what makes humanity such a wonderful thing.
I know it's probably wrong of me to label them as "them" but you can go decades in Canberra without seeing a mullet. Why do we appreciate a good hipster beard but not a mullet? It's all hair, just on other sides of a skull.
Ask some questions about their cars. You might be surprised how much information they have to share. You might not understand a lot of the terminology, but listen and ask some more questions.
Last year, when I interviewed competitor Carolyn Hayes, who'd been to every Summernats since the festival began in 1987, she was more than happy to explain her passion and the specs of her car in simple language I could understand.
You never know. You might learn something.
Super-charged supermarkets
One thing I'm really excited about for Summernats 36 is wondering how it will transform the recently transformed Dickson shopping precinct. Will the new Coles underground parking (with its ridiculous prices unless you're actually shopping at Coles) drive everyone to the Tradies' side car park? Or will there still be a little free version of the show and shine in the parking closer to Dan Murphy's?
It's fun to time your own shopping expeditions so they might coordinate with Summernats shoppers. Sure, a lot of them are living out of little hotel rooms with nothing more than a microwave but eat some fruit and vegetables, kids.
I've even thought about posting something on the Summernats 36 Facebook page offering any weary traveller a four-day meal package where they can pop over the road for dinner after a long day in the sun.
Reckon it could go down well?
Family affair
I reckon Summernats is the most underrated family friendly festival Canberra has to offer. All little kids love shiny vehicles, Cars is a wonderful movie, and I'd be happy to take money on the fact that every single Australian child born after 1968 has a Matchbox car in their possession somewhere. (There's an idea, a Summernats range of Matchbox cars?)
Why not think about taking the kids? Kids under 10 are free with a paying adult. Family day passes start at $210.
You can convince the kids that car maintenance is a worthwhile thing to learn and gift them some polishing rags.
Or if they've been driving you crazy since the novelty of Christmas has worn off, why not give them a mullet and enter them in Mullet Fest?
Nothing says I love you, son, like a half-shaved head.
Logistics
For all the wonderful things it brings, there are a few places to avoid in the Inner North during Summernats. Like Northbourne Avenue. Head around the back via Limestone Avenue if you're going into the city. Use Majura Parkway even. Need to get to Gungahlin? Then use Horse Park Drive.
Don't even think about going into Braddon for a quiet drink at Alcove on the nights the Braddon Fringe Festival is on - January 4 to 7. Or if you do, park on the western side of Northbourne somewhere and catch the light rail in.
And remember, too, that the city cruise is on Thursday, January 4, from noon. Leave the car at home and pull up a blanket under a tree and marvel at all the shiny metal.
Or maybe I can meet you on the top of Mount Majura. Nothing breaks up a bushwalk like a little pause to watch some long-distance burnout. It's actually rather impressive from the elevated angle.
If you're not game to wander out at all, settle back, open the imported-timber French doors onto your landscaped garden, pop a bottle of craft beer and take in all the sounds.
From Daryl Braithwaite on Friday night to fireworks on Saturday night.
Sounds like a perfect summer night.
