A moment that changed me: I patronised a refugee – and he taught me an invaluable lesson

‘What defines you is that you have lost your place in the world …’ Paul Moss and Mr Tienh at Phanat Nikhom. Photograph: Courtesy of Paul Moss

It says something that I only remember him as “Mr Tienh”. The small man who taught me such a big lesson may at some point have told me his first name, but it was not one I ever used. Mr Tienh must have been in his 50s, while I was only a few years out of school. So, out of respect, “Mr” he was introduced as, and “Mr” he remained.

Back in his home country of Vietnam, the younger generation would automatically have accorded him the same courtesy, particularly given his position as a schoolteacher. But Mr Tienh no longer had a teaching job, nor any job at all. We met in the refugee camp where he was stuck, and where I volunteered, about 70 miles east of Bangkok.