A car door opens; the elderly gent in the driver’s seat has popped a pill for erectile dysfunction (brand name Super Stallion). He’s at his son’s guest house to scatter the ashes of his wife – and he’s brought along a date, a gorgeous young blonde (“she’s my carer”). The pill has worked its magic, so as the man gets out of the car, he reaches for a jacket to cover the bulge in his trousers. At this point you half expect a blast of canned laughter. But this is not a sitcom from 1986, even though the script contains the same tired gags and stereotypes that should have died long ago.
A Family Affair wastes the talents of Joe Wilkinson (excellent as the weird bearded neighbour in Him & Her) by giving him zero gags in his role as Edward, the guest-house owning son of the randy old man. Edward gave up his life in London a year ago to buy a country pile with his wife Helen (Laura Aikman). They’ve turned it into a silent spiritual retreat, but the reviews are one-star terrible and the bank is about to repossess; in fact, the man from the bank has just turned up with an auction notice. To make matters worse, Helen’s parents have arrived to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary; in the sitcom tradition of mother-in-laws, mum Margaret (poor Jane Asher, who really doesn’t deserve this) is a is a miserable old dragon.
It’s as if director Warren Fischer has forgotten to write jokes in his script. No one says anything remotely humorous; instead there’s just a parade of lowest-common-denominator gags, such as the scene in which a receptionist uses a vibrator to plug a leak in the ceiling. Or when orange-robed meditation teacher Rhys (Colin Hoult) hosts a naked meditation retreat, to give us the opportunity to laugh at an older man’s saggy bum. Not funny.
• A Family Affair is on digital platforms from 20 May.
