I started watching porn when I was pretty young, around 14-years-old. At first, I was surprised by it — the performative nature of the scenes, with perfectly curated scenarios, perfect body parts and wild orgasms. I worried that I’d never be able to replicate them in real life.
As I got older and started experiencing intimacy IRL (and not just in my imagination), I quickly came to realise that porn is a vehicle for inspiration and entertainment. It’s not always a depiction of realistic physical intimacy, but something that can help us to feel more comfortable and confident to talk about what we like.
But this is not everyone’s experience with porn. Despite the rise of sex positive content and conversations, there’s still an immense amount of shame surrounding our sexual desires — especially as women.
Having sexual desires, being in control of those desires and embracing them by being avid-porn watchers is something that is still not really accepted in mainstream society. I still lower my voice when I talk about my favourite porn scenes or stars in cafes or bars. I sometimes delete my search browser history out of habit.
I think this is because of the cliché myths that linger around the porn industry. The underlying shame that surrounds sex undeniably impacts the billion-dollar industry that thrives off mainstream desire.
But I think it’s time we debunked some of those. And so does one of my favourite porn stars, Angela White.
Angela White has been one of the most popular, successful and famous porn stars of the last 20 years. Australian-born, with a first-class honours degree in gender studies, she goes by her real name and is known on and off-screen for her authenticity and sex positivity. She was the first ever female performer to win the AVN’s Female Performer of the Year three consecutive times, and she now has an iconic 69 AVN awards in total.
Below are eight cliché myths about porn, debunked with help from Angela herself.
1. No one is actually having fun / it’s all for show
In Angela’s world, this is a complete myth.
“It’s just completely untrue!” she says. “The whole reason I got into the industry was to have fun; to express and explore my sexuality on my own terms…”
Having always lived by her ‘fuck yeah!’ principle — “if it’s not a ‘fuck yeah!’ it’s a hard no” — Angela only accepts jobs that feel good to her.
“I only accept jobs I think are going to be fun! I accept jobs with talent I love shooting with, with scripts that I think will be an exciting day on set and companies I enjoy creating content for.”
Basically, she’s having a lot of fucking fun. Literally.
2. The orgasms are all fake
Now, while Angela doesn’t deny that there are some fake orgasms in porn, not all of them are. Especially not in her experience, as someone who prefers to have “as many real orgasms” as she can.
What it really comes down to, is the type of porn.
“If I’m shooting intimate, a gonzo-style or all-sex pornography scene — where we’re are allowed to fuck how we would if the cameras weren’t there — that’s more conducive to a real orgasm,” she said.
“But, if I’m shooting for a company who want to heavily direct the scene — they might be telling us which positions to get into and when, and they might even request that we give an orgasm in every position — that’s not necessarily conducive to real orgasms, because not every woman cums from every position.”
“For me personally, positions like cowgirl — where I can control the depth and speed, and am able to grind my clit on my partner; then I can have a real orgasm. Missionary is another position that’s easier for me to cum in.”
Other positions are harder for her body to cum in, so — she might have to “fake” it.
But, do fake orgasms in porn send the wrong message?
It’s a pretty hot topic of debate within feminist conversations, that showcasing women to easily have fake — and loud! — orgasms breeds an unrealistic expectation in the bedroom.
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with talent faking orgasms in porn,” Angela says.
“Personally I prefer not to fake an orgasm, but in the end; it’s a fantasy product. Part of that fantasy — at least in heterosexual porn — is that making women cum is easy.
“A lot of hetero porn that is marketed towards men is trying to address the anxiety that men have around making women cum. Because the reality is, most men want to make a woman come! They really do!
“Sometimes, it takes time and effort to be able to make a woman cum in real life and it can be daunting. So, to be able to watch a product where it appears that it’s easy for a woman to cum; that’s relaxing for a man.”
Perhaps even confidence-building, I muse. But then, what if they take it at face value and start to believe that it can be that easy IRL?
Angela would like to think that men are “intelligent enough” to know they’re watching a fantasy product. “Surely they know, right?” She laughs. “If they’re acting like they don’t, I think they’re being lazy and irresponsible.”
“And, if they really aren’t aware of the difference between a pornography scene and their IRL sex life, we’re in a sex education and porn literacy crisis.”
Personally, I think we might be. I mean, it’s pretty well-established that we (still) don’t have the most extensive sex education in schools or in many mainstream stories we consume about sex, relationships and desire.
But we’re evolving into a space of greater sex positivity, especially within women. The rise of talking about sex openly online and within our friend groups has become noticeable, and distinctly less uncomfortable.
“Ultimately I would love to get to a place where everyone feels confident enough to tell their partner what they want and need to feel pleasure,” Angela says.
Me too, girl. And fake orgasms in produced pornography scenes realistically shouldn’t impact that.
3. A scene is only over when a man cums
“A lot of hetero porn does end with a male cumshot,” Angela agrees. “But not all of it.”
“I’ve done many scenes where after the cumshot, the male talent has gone down on me and made me cum again. Or, some guys who are able to stay hard and continue fucking me after they cum will do that. There are definitely exceptions to that rule.”
Another one is lesbian porn.
“Lesbian scenes sometimes just go on and on and on…” she says. “It’s great!”
And, while in heterosexual porn — or any that involve a penis — anatomy is guiding the journey before and after penis ejaculation, Angela acknowledges that there’s a less-than-helpful obsession with climax.
“I think that sometimes our obsession with climax can create more anxiety in the bedroom, instead of just pleasure. It’s about the journey, not the destination,” she says.
“There is an orgasm gap and that is important to acknowledge, but I also think let’s not forget how much pleasure we can get leading up to the moment of orgasm.”
No matter your gender.
4. That only men watch porn, and that they’re toxic
“This is absolutely false. Women have just been overlooked,” Angela says.
Not only has she seen a huge increase in her female subscribers — they’re also her biggest tippers.
“The problem has been the sexual shame cast upon women who watch pornography, or even for just having sexual desires,” she says. “It hasn’t been openly acceptable for women to have the same level of sexual desire as men, which means they’re hasn’t been enough focus on the female market.”
But the proof is in the (sexy) pudding. When women see a product they value, they’re willing to pay for it. And, according to Angela, they’re a rapidly growing part of her market.
“I create OnlyFans content geared towards my female fans. Things like regular masturbation scenes, but referencing the clit rather than the penis.”
An interactive experience especially for women. That sounds like a place I’d like to be. (Note to self: look into later.)
5. Having sex all day is fun and easy
“Well, it’s definitely fun!” Angela laughs. “But it’s not necessarily easy.”
It’s not like having sex at home, she explains. It’s much more active, like a full cardio workout. Plus, you don’t have the same creature comforts — like a bed.
“Often, we’re shooting on counter tops in the kitchen or on dining room tables. I’ve shot on a rock, outside, in the middle of summer. When we’re shooting in The Valley [in LA], we have to turn the air conditioning off to shoot and sometimes it is 40 degrees. I get super red and sweaty. It’s a lot!”
Then there’s the preparation that goes into to having sex on camera.
“We have to look on point. We have to keep up our physical fitness. We need to prepare for scenes like anal — you wouldn’t have to prepare to the same extent if you were doing it at home.”
The preferred positions in porn are more about aesthetics than comfort. Something like reverse cowgirl, for example, is something Angela would never choose to do in her personal life — but looks great on camera.
“The woman is on top, so you’ve got a full view of her body, boobs bouncing etc, and a straight up shot of the penetration. But it’s hard work — you’re squatting on the dick so it’s tough on the legs. And it lacks intimacy — which is my favourite part about shooting porn; connecting with my on-screen partner.”
Then, of course, there’s the long days. While a quick gonzo scene might have you in and out within five hours, a feature film can see you on set for 12 or more. “I was on set for 23 hours once,” she recalls.
On longer shoot days and if the production is bigger and more glamorous, there can be lots of stopping and starting in between positions. They might change the lighting, the angles, the backdrops, hair and make-up etc.
“Your body can be pretty sore by the end of the day,” Angela says.
“Like, your butthole is a muscle! You’re stretching it out and warming it up, so if you’re stopping and starting, it’s a lot harder on the body.”
And while she has techniques for that — getting the talent to continue slowly fucking her throughout or having a toy on stand-by — the body can still be pretty tired and sore at the end of the day, she says.
6. It’s not good for your sex life / it’s a form of cheating
“I think it depends on the couple,” Angela says.
“For some couples, porn can be a great aid in spicing things up in the bedroom. You can get ideas for sexual fantasies, role play and positions. But I think this works best for couples who have good communication skills.”
Angela also says that it’s important to be aware of your different tastes. If a couple has different tastes in porn that’s okay, but finding something that works for both parties is something you can come together on and enjoy as a couple. Like anything in a relationship or connection, it’s integral that everyone involved feels heard and seen and in this case — turned on.
“But if there are problems with insecurities in the relationship, it might not always be the best path to explore.”
Plus, the stigma of porn as a vehicle for cheating doesn’t help. Many people in monogamous relationships feel that if their partner watches porn without them, or feels the ‘need’ to watch it outside the bedroom — that it’s a form of cheating.
“I’m in no position to say that it’s not,” says Angela. “You create your own boundaries as to what you accept in a relationship — what you find appropriate. It’s a conversation you need to have with your partner.”
7. Porn is all about men and only fulfils male fantasy
If you believe this myth, Angela reckons it has something to do with your search terms.
“Yes, some porn is male centric — but there is a lot of porn that is female centric too. Search for “cunnilingus”! Figure out what you like, and search for that. You’ve got to search for the porn you want to see.”
If you’re looking for something slow and romantic, it exists. If you just want to watch pussy eating, that exists. Femmedom? It exists, she says.
“There’s plenty of content made specifically for women and centres around female pleasure.
“It’s really about honing in on your search terms. Don’t just go onto PornHub and click on the first thing you see.”
8. It’s a last-resort occupation for women
“We still live in a world where people can’t imagine that a woman would want to do a job that involves sex. There’s a lingering stigma around working in the sex industry as a woman, that it’s not a choice.”
But that isn’t the truth, especially not in Angela’s case.
“It speaks to the gendered slut-shaming that still exists, that women can’t enjoy sex enough to do it as a job,” she says.
“You don’t see male porn stars like Johnny Sins looked down upon or shamed for their work. There’s a real gender divide on this. If a man gets into porn, he’s seen as a hero, while a woman is looked upon with pity.”
And it’s about time we changed that perception.
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