When women first consider golf, one of the driving factors is to have the opportunity to spend more time with their other halves, especially if that other half is always on the golf course! But I always offer a warning that they can’t automatically expect this time together on the course to be idyllic. Often sparks can fly and people are often very exposed on the course emotionally, making for delicate ground when it comes to being a harmonious pair when walking the fairways. It's worth noting the following 7 potential challenges.
1. Testing Tuition
When one half of a couple thinks they are Butch Harmon’s protege and tries to fill your head with 12 swing points they caught recently on YouTube, this can be a recipe for disaster. I teach a few couples where the husband is incredibly patient, informative and I often hear him encouraging his wife like he’s giving one of my lessons. Impressive stuff. But more often than not, nobody likes to be corrected by someone who’s just bombed it out of bounds or didn’t wash up their cereal bowl that morning. It’s a similar vibe to being told how to parallel park having done it successfully for decades. You get the gist. And breathe. Be encouraging to each other, but make a pact that you don't offer advice. If both would be grateful for a nugget of relevant information during a disastrous round, then perhaps have lessons together. Then, if you request the help of your loved one mid round, they will know what advice to offer to help save your score.
2. My Game Or Your Game
Who gets to play the most golf? Let’s face it, you won’t be playing golf together all the time. Some golf-mad couples will have a portion of their diary dedicated to their individual and joint golfing schedules. Some play a lot of golf together, but competitiveness can sometimes come as a surprise. Catherine plays off 9 and said "It was a shock discovering Sharon (5 hcp) would theoretically push me off a cliff in a competition, yet only hours before was telling me how much she loves me. When the chips are down on my golf I get zero enthusiastic encouragement, just silence. It's awful."
Childcare in a golfing couple can be a big challenge, who gets to go and play and who stays at home with the baby can cause resentment. The simple solution is to get the kids playing too! Early days can be a struggle especially if the mum is breast feeding.
Who gets to talk about their game more? Is a hole-by-hole account ok for both partners or can it be a bit one-sided? Talking about rounds can be a touchy subject when notoriously one person in the relationship wants to recount every shot while the other doesn't want to hear about it. Sometimes lengthy shot-by-shot analysis has its benefits. Scratch golfer Andy Lake used to recount his entire round to his partner Lorraine in order to send her to sleep. For someone who’s always struggled to switch off at night, Lorraine was actually very appreciative and was usually asleep by the back 9!
3. Playing Constant Catch-up
For some women it can be demoralising hitting two good shots and still being behind your husband’s first! Many women who have a healthy competitive streak find this hard to swallow. I hear this from newer golfers more, where their other halves have been playing longer and there is bound to be a natural catchup stage. I hate to break it to you, but as a general rule women don’t possess the power to bomb it past men all the time - though often that is the most satisfying part of being a golfing couple! There is good reason why the tees we play from are further forward. If you hit it a good distance and want to be together on the course, then play off the yellows to be more sociable.
4. Extreme Encouragement
The partners who constantly say ‘good shot’ when it wasn’t really - you might have got some loft but hit it in the wrong direction and into the trees. Often our other halves are hunting for their own ball or hatching a masterplan for their next shot and the words come out of their mouths when they haven’t actually seen you hit your ball at all. My advice to them is say nothing at all. I’ve seen people walking ahead of their partners when they are yet to take their shots, they play at their own pace. This is hard and sometimes a sign that maybe you need to find your own golfing crew who walk the fairways together. Often your golfing tribe aren’t who you assume them to be. But we find them in the end.
5. Everyone Just Calm Down
When the game of your nearest and dearest takes a sharp nosedive, it’s safe to say things can get spicy out on the course. Not in a good way. Managing the mood of your other half as they storm across the green hurling a flag to the floor is another delicate area. Any tiny comment whether positive or negative can result in an eruption of emotion directed at you. This kind of behaviour often exposes the true nature of the golfing beast and can turn many people off playing with the person who is usually their compassionate and caring partner off the course.
6. Blame Game
When you play a lot of golf with your partner, it’s hard not to show your disappointment when they're playing terribly. The toys can come out of your partner's pram because you just aren’t firing on all cylinders. But sometimes relationship perfection does stroll into the clubhouse. Jeni and Peter Bankes have played golf together as husband and wife for over 40 years. Jeni has fond memories of their wonderful relationship where they dovetail on and off the course.
“I remember playing in a match with Peter at Hamptworth. It had been a very tight Greensomes match and we were playing catch-up most of the time. On the 17th hole we chose my drive and Peter strode off to hit my ball to the green - a great shot landing 2ft from the pin. He was in great humour and as the opposition had messed up their shot, we were quietly confident that we had the hole in the bag. I went to collect his ball and discovered that I was going to have to explain to my dear partner he had hit the wrong ball - his own ball - to the green! It’s at moments such as this when it's important to have an understanding of the true spirit of golf. We picked up our ball without a cross word said and gave them the hole. We won the 18th and halved the match.”
I am sure many a couple can recount near divorce stakes following a hiccup during matches when paired together.
7. Take A Break Together Or Apart?
One of the biggest perks of being a golfing couple is the ability to go on holiday and hit the fairways together. But what happens if you want to go with your own golfing tribe? Once you’ve found them and had a vast amount of fun on the golf course, the idea of taking this fun to the sun is overwhelmingly urgent. If your other half doesn’t share your same enthusiasm and instead suggests you go away golfing together, what do you do? Finding a group of couples to go on holiday with is an absolute blessing and some groups have been going for many a year. These types of 'golf tours' often result in friendships for life and a support network you could only dream of. If you haven’t found a collection of couples that tick your box then I vote a mini break with your partner to somewhere on our UK getaways list and then head to the beach with the groovy gang that is your girly golfers. Or, if you are lucky enough, you might want spend every second with the love of your life.
It is worth noting that all the golfers I spoke to said the positives of playing golf together FAR outweigh the negatives. Golf is a sport you can genuinely compete with each other, and in some cases until the end of your days (in a healthy and non-competitive manner) thanks to the handicap system.
If situations on the course seem impossible as a golfing pair, then accept that you may just need a partner on the greens that isn’t the one you share the rest of your life with. Many people find their best golf is played with those they’re not in a relationship with, although it's lovely to be able to spend time on golf courses whilst on holiday.
This comes to my most important point. Being able to play golf together in an idyllic manner is such a gift. If you find the recipe that works you’re very lucky.
