Attraction can often be based on the most subtle of things. The way someone behaves. Their tone. Their attitude. How they carry themselves. The way they interact with other people and the world around them.
In some cases, one mistake is enough to snuff out any affection that might’ve been flowering there. Reddit user u/NumerousBeach1420 turned to the r/AskMen community to hear everyone’s thoughts about all the things that women do that make them lose interest. Scroll down to read their opinions. Meanwhile, feel free to share your thoughts on them in the comments, Pandas.
We got in touch with the author of the viral thread, and they shared their perspective on relationship red and green flags to look out for. Scroll down for Bored Panda's full interview with u/NumerousBeach1420.
#1
Incessant social media posting about our "amazing" dates.
Me: "I thought we could have a nice evening just the two of us."
Her: "Absolutely, but first, let me post this on my story!"
Me: "Okay, but maybe we can put the phone away after?"
Her: "I need to update my followers on the night. They're like, waiting for it."
It's like I'm an accessory to her online persona rather than a partner. I want to be in a relationship, not a reality show.
Image credits: CleoTurquoise2
#2
I recently had a girl tell me she was pregnant and then say “it was a prank to see how you’d react”. Needless to say I lost interest.
Image credits: thinklucas135
#3
Rude to waiters is a total mood killer for me. If I see that it has to be a bad day or something or I'm out.
Image credits: MartinLambert1
Some behaviors are subjectively unattractive—we all have our pet peeves. Others, on the other hand, are objectively more likely to push potential partners away. Business Insider reports that among the factors that make you appear less attractive are sleep deprivation, being mean, having contracted body language, and being stressed.
Other things that make someone objectively less attractive include looking stressed, looking too happy or proud (i.e. you may not want to be too ‘smiley’), not having a sense of humor, being lazy, being dishonest, and not being humble enough. People generally also don’t find heavy smoking and drinking attractive. Nor do they enjoy it when someone disagrees with their thoughts on politics.
#4
Demand princess treatment but don’t reciprocate anything. Can’t treat you like a queen if you won’t let me be your king.
Edit: for those who can’t see past the metaphor. lol. Entitlement is the turn off. Someone acting entitled to your affection or time or money while offering up little to nothing in return.
Image credits: help1500
#5
Any cruelty towards someone for no reason is an instant turn off.
Image credits: L8Confession
#6
Never wanting to do anything.
Me: Would you like to.....? Her: No, that sounds boring
Me: how about....? Her: Nah, I don't want to do that.
Me: Ok, what would you like to do? Her: IDK, whatever you want to do.
Image credits: Beauvoir_R
On the flip side, BBC Future points out that it’s far from just our physical attractiveness that matters when it comes to romance and first impressions. In fact, someone’s agreeableness, extraversion, and intelligence are ranked higher than looks. Furthermore, a person’s material success ranks among the least important attractive qualities.
Someone who ranks high in agreeableness in the Big Five psychometric tests is generally more caring and compassionate. A person who’s agreeable and also physically attractive is more likely to be the target of someone’s desire for a serious relationship. It makes sense. It’s difficult to envision starting a long-term relationship with someone who is unkind.
#7
S**t talking other women. A little playful banter is ok but when their whole personality is just s**t bagging others... Neeeext.
Image credits: Rip9150
#8
1.Any of these …
“ a real man would ”
“ if he wanted too , he would”
“ princess treatment “
“ I don’t need a man”
“I’m the prize”
“My man had to pay for everything “
If they think I’m paying for everything and they don’t at least offer or help out
3. If they think a relationship is a sponsorship than a partnership.
Image credits: TheLegionmma
#9
Duck lips.
Image credits: Serrated_Bayonet1916
How similar a person is to us is incredibly important for romance. In short, the basic principle of attraction is looking for potential partners who have some things in common with us, from personality traits and appearance to social groups and geography. When there are complementary traits in play, you make a stronger team that can weather whatever storm life throws at you.
However, it’s not all as simple as that. Some differences in personalities and backgrounds can spark some excitement in the relationship. So, there’s a need for both familiarity and novelty in relationships. Too many similarities can lead to boredom. Too many differences can lead to arguments.
#10
I'm big on accountability, whether male friends, female friends or dates.
Constantly blaming others / society / etc has become a huge turn off to me.
On the flipside, I was chatting with a girl who mentioned she got in a wreck because "she's a bad driver who wasn't paying attention" and this immediately made me want to ask her out.
Image credits: djhazmatt503
#11
Spend too much time on their phone when they are out on a date or social engagement with other people.
Image credits: Piper6728
#12
Assume they understand my intentions or motivations because they "know how men think" or otherwise claim to be exceedingly perceptive or intuitive.
Even if that's true, by believing and acting on those things it takes away my agency as an individual to express my thoughts and feelings on a given matter, and that really grinds my gears I must say.
Image credits: fatbunny23
Redditor u/NumerousBeach1420 opened up to Bored Panda that it was simple curiosity that drove them to start up the online discussion on r/AskMen.
"Most of the answers were about being rude or having a bad personality. It’s nice to know that there are still guys out there who care more about a girl’s personality than her physical appearance,” the author of the thread told us.
We asked the author for their personal opinion on what relationship red flags are best to be avoided.
From their perspective, your alarm bells should be ringing if the person you're dating is unfaithful, rude, or irresponsible.
#13
Unrestrained alcoholism.
Image credits: The_Spyre
#14
My ex would talk about other guys in front of me. “I’m just saying, his arms are really hot!” I’ve seen other women do this to guys to try and see how insecure he is or isn’t. I can’t have any respect for someone who plays games like that.
Image credits: GingerMarquis
#15
Treat those that they perceive as "lower" in status with disdain, disrespect, poor manners, while buttering up those with "higher" social status. We are all in this together, we all have our good and bad days. Be kind.
They said that a huge red flag is that the person is "someone who doesn't have dreams and plans in life."
However, we were also curious about their thoughts on green flags to look for in romantic partners. They told Bored Panda that among the qualities they value the most in a partner are honesty, loyalty, and being a provider.
For them, a truly great partner is someone who has high emotional intelligence and is a responsible individual.
Meanwhile, the author shared some advice with anyone who struggles to keep other people's interest on dates.
"Just be yourself. Work on yourself. Keep the good things about you and change the bad ones," u/NumerousBeach1420 said.
#16
Getting their relationship expectations from social media.
Image credits: omnipresent29
#17
When they bend over backwards to interpret anything and everything you say in a negative light. I'm not here to mess with you. And I'm certainly not interested in fighting every time I try to talk to you.
#18
She kept insisting she was "weird".
"Oh, I don't really like popular music I must be really weird, ahah"
"Oh, I don't like girly things I guess I'm just weird like that, haha"
Get stuffed.
Image credits: BadVixen13
What behaviors and qualities do you find to be the most unattractive in a potential partner, dear Pandas? What do people do on dates that really irks you and gets under your skin? On the flip side, what do you find the most attractive in a partner?
If you have a moment, we’d love to hear your thoughts on all of this. Grab your digital quill, scroll down to the bottom of this list, and feel free to pen a comment or two.
#19
Play mind games and talk about past relationships, I get it Becky that your last boyfriend cheated on you, but I'm not him, please stop talking about him.
#20
Gas lighting to think youre only wrong in every conversation.
Image credits: phat_ass666
#21
Religious. Especially if it involves referencing Bible/Torah/Quran quotes.
#22
Endless complaining.
#23
I think if their existence makes other people uncomfortable and they may not be aware or don't care if they bother others. It comes off like they own the place and can do whatever they want even if it bothers others. Like being loud, rude, and demanding to draw attention from everybody and not respecting other people.
#24
If they like crystals , if they scream and talk loud for no reason , if they think it’s cute to act dumb or immature , if they litter , if they talk s**t about any of their close friends that they hangout with and plenty more things.
#25
Bad communicator, bad personality, hot and cold personality and mood, someone that lacks affection and is a bit cold physically, people that date someone based on their astrological sign, someone that is judgmental, someone that does not initiate texts or phone calls (I don't want to be the one doing all the work in the relationship, that is only one sided and not fair).
Also someone that never offers to pay her half of the bill, or never pays at all when we go out. Again, I am not a walking ATM or a weak doormat, I refuse to be used as I know my self worth.
Image credits: Century22nd
#26
Ghost me until they want something, then become my best buddy. :-/.
#27
Lying about small things - because it means they'll also lie about big things, inevitably.
#28
When you're talking to them and they reply, "OMG that's so funny" while they're occupied with their phones, not laughing or even smiling.
Image credits: ghostmetalblack
#29
Always vent about every tiny little thing (and that’s fine) but as soon as you are going through something rough they respond with a one-liner cliché sentence or somehow start venting back making it their issue.
People wonder why I struggle immensely to open up, well, here you go.
#30
Was on a date with a gorgeous redhead. Found out real quick she didn’t need a bf, she needed a therapist. She literally made me think of eyore from Winnie the Pooh, all she needed was her own personal rain cloud. She was pitying herself the whole damn time.
#31
Having a unidirectional personality.
Dated a “gym girl”. All she did was talk about her gym.
#32
Flirt and give their attention to other men, and when caught try to pretend like it was harmless and we’re overreacting which will sometimes cause us to really ponder on if we’re really overreacting or not.
Image credits: Unlikely-Rip-6197
#33
Too concerned about their social media presence. Also not being punctual but I think that more a personal preference cuz it’s disrespectful to not keep your word when you say you’re gonna do something.
#34
Get jealous over little things.
Show up at my house uninvited.
Get mad when I don’t text back right away.
Expect me to yell at them, otherwise I don’t care about them.
#35
Dating more than one dude at a time. Choose the other guy I don't have time for that c**p.
Image credits: ElderWeeb
#36
Entitlement, boss babe personality, lack of appreciation, bad listening, no empathy, lack of reciprocation, playing hard to get.
#37
Take zero initiative.
Image credits: IronDBZ
#38
Talk about all their past lovers.
Image credits: quadzillaa25
#39
When she talks to me about other guys she’s into especially if she’s trying to make me jeleous it makes me feel like you’re not interested in me instant turn off for me like why even talk to me in the first place.
#40
Express contempt, hatred or distaste for men in general
You know it's only a matter of time before they turn that on you
Stuff like that is often how abusive people vet potential partners, to find the ones who will put up with it
After a while, you're just over it, and don't want to hear that s**t anymore.
#41
Playing hard to get.
#42
Smoking.
#43
Cancelling date plans with a terrible excuse and asking to reschedule. Why'd you agree to a date you were never intending on actually going on?
#44
Never being physically intimate and treating sex just as a chore.
#45
Being rude to the other women as they leave my house.
#46
Being clingy and needy all the time and testing you by asking your thoughts on other women.
#47
Agree to go on a date and just be boring or not intrested in conversation. Like why did you say yes in the first place.
#48
I was on a date with a girl, we were having lunch., At one point she was talking to me, her mouth was moving but her eyes were tracking another guy who was walking across the room.
(a) What a rude thing to do
(b) She didn't even notice that I noticed...how obtuse.
(c) no more date for you.
#49
Short texts, infrequent texts. Okay okay I get it, I’ll f**k off then. I’m not going to carry the relationship and you’re clearly not head over heels.
#50
Not having goals or a sense of direction in life can be a turn-off for those who value ambition and drive.
