Going on a first date can be exciting. You’re getting ready wondering how the night is going to go, and whether or not you will hit it off; and while many couples do, others - not so much.
It’s no surprise that bartenders are the people who get to witness many first dates—both good and bad. So when the redditor ‘gilesvg’ addressed the bartenders in the ‘Ask Reddit’ community, asking them to share stories of first dates going sour, they had plenty. If you’re curious about the fairytales that ended before they even began, too, scroll down to find them on the list below.
Below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a certified love life strategist, dating and relationship expert, Lisa Concepcion, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about how important first dates are.
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Not witnessed but heard girl and guy go on blind date. They've been talking on phone before to get to know each other and here comes first Date. Met at a bar. He was there first waiting and she came in. They talk for minute and he says "oh let me get the flowers I got you. It's in the car" he walks out and doesn't return. Felt bad for her. You can at least finish date or drink and then gracefully leave.
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“The first date is all about the first impression,” the dating and relationship expert Lisa Concepcion told Bored Panda, discussing the importance of a first date. “This is when we are evaluating if the other person is a match to us. If a person is rude, distracted, lacks manners, isn't presentable and seems disheveled, it will impact our decision as to whether or not we choose to see them again.”
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For many couples, a first date is enough to see if there’s potential for future interaction; especially when there’s probably not. “Typically it's because they got enough information to know the person isn't someone they can see having anything more with,” Lisa Concepcion suggested.
“I advise giving people three dates if you think you are attracted to them and like them after the first date,” she continued. “By the third date you can decide if they're a fit for you.”
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According to the dating expert, people are often willing to see a person more if they are aligned on values and worldview, plus are attracted to one another. As for the reasons they might not be willing to, she suggested that there can be quite a few:
“They didn't share the same dreams, goals, ambitions. They drank excessively. They lacked manners. They seemed immature and non committal. They were hyper focused on sex, all conversations led back to sex. They weren't a person you could imagine bringing around your family. You regretted leaving your pet alone 30 minutes into the date. You didn't find them attractive.”
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The expert emphasized that it’s important to think certain things through before going on a first date and to be honest both with yourself and the date.
“The key thing is to be very clear with yourself about your purpose for dating. Are you dating for fun and nothing serious? Or, are you dating to attract your spouse or serious long-term relationship? Once you know exactly what your intention is for dating, you gain confidence and can openly and honestly express what you're dating for.
“This is a very important thing to discuss on a first date and if possible even beforehand through an initial video call. Why waste time? If you are dating to attract your spouse you're not going to want to go on a date with someone who is recently divorced and not looking to get serious,” she pointed out.
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I've been bartending for 20+ years and have seen A LOT of bad first dates but the one that will always stick out to me was the guy who had his mom vet his date for him. Like he was there at the other end of the bar but she had to sit and meet his mom first. They were the only 3 people in the bar at the time so it was suuuuuper awkward. I pretended to watch hockey but I was so intrigued I was eaves dropping the whole time. The poor girl seamed so lovely that she was too polite to just bail out of the situation so she actually did it! I immediately knew something was f***y when she walked in and got stopped by the mom on her approach to him. The guy seamed so comfortable that it clearly was not the first time it happened. So f*****g weird.
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“If you're both on the same page as far as what you want, then great topics are values-based topics,” Lisa Concepcion continued. “Asking open-ended questions such as ‘what was the last thing you splurged on for yourself,’ will give you a clear idea of how they are with money. Asking them how often they get to see their family will get you information on their family dynamic.
“It's very important to master communication and ask questions that encourage people to speak freely as you listen intently to gather data. Dating for data is all about engaging in meaningful conversation to learn more about the other person.
“It's also very important to have conversations about worldview, morals and values. You want to determine if you both are on the same page on important things that matter,” the expert emphasized.
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While asking certain open-ended questions can help one get to know their date better, some topics are better left untouched on the first date. According to the certified love life strategist, they include complaints about work and your ex who is still driving you nuts, parents and friends.
“You don't want to treat a first date like a therapy session where you're complaining about what's wrong in your life. Avoid talking about how awful the dating scene is. Avoid talking about sex on the first date unless you are asserting a boundary. Sexual innuendo too soon gives off a predatory vibe. People want to feel safe.”
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There’s a bartender out there that probably tells people about the date I was on. Every day I suggested the guy had plans. We finally decide on a Sunday night, after I worked an 8 hour retail shift. I drove out of my way to meet him at the restaurant he chose. When I got there I texted to ask where he was and he said the bar. I had hoped for a table, but whatever. When I walked up he had 3 empty glasses in front of him. As soon as he started talking I could tell he was absolutely s**t faced. He admitted to drinking 2 bottles of wine before leaving his house. Needless to say, I was not impressed. When I asked if he drove, he said he took an Uber because I was going home with him and could drive. I hadn’t taken a break all day so I was starving and ordered an entree and a soda. He called me strange for not getting a drink. Then, when I wasn’t exactly thrilled to talk with a drunk, he kept saying “you’re so weird. Why are you so weird?” He kept trying to flirt with the bartender. She and I kept rolling our eyes. He finally got up to “take a p**s” and I asked for the check, paid, and left. He proceeded to blow up my phone calling me a n**ger lover and a wh*re. Super cool guy lol.
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A guy pulled out a tech deck ( finger skateboards ) and was bragging that he was pro, showing tricks on the table. I felt so bad for the girl.
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If you’re looking for more dating horror stories, we have quite a few in store for you; feel free to continue to this list of bad dates that ought to make you cringe or read about these dates that didn’t go well, or browse our romantic relationships category for more love-related tales.
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It was a few years ago. They were hanging out at the bar, she was excited and they were chatting happily. They were classmates who hadn't seen each other while Covid lockdown was happening and clearly over the isolation. She went to the bathroom and he looks at me, sighs and says, "it's rough out there" He was faking all the interest in their whole conversation and left with her to get laid. Ugh. Gave me such 'ick' that he was so good at humoring her despite his entire lack of interest.
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I assume he was a finance bro. He did a line before she came, only noticed because he was rubbing his nose immediately when he came back. Told the girl that he’s on a biz tear and that if she plays her cards right she’ll get a YSL BAG. then proceeded to tell her that he wants to do c*ke of her t*ts. Needless to say she left and I laughed.
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They were talking about the angel shot/cocktail and it's implecations. Both knew what it was. She ordered it in front of him. He just got up and left. She ordered a pound of wings and cried while eating them.
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