Women Are Sharing The Gruesome Mental Loads They Carry In Silence

The mental load is the invisible ‘thinking’ labor that keeps a home and family running smoothly. This means remembering to do certain chores, scheduling appointments, checking in with loved ones, and so much more. Constantly keeping track of what needs to be done can become exhausting, especially when all the juggling of stress and chaos in one’s mind goes unnoticed by others.

Women in this online thread got candid about this issue, sharing their own draining mental burdens they carry without anyone knowing. From perceiving home as their second workplace to struggling to keep up with life, it reminds us that everyone needs a sprinkle of support, even if they don’t show it.

Bored Panda also reached out to psychologist, attachment specialist, and relationship coach, Dr. Lorna Otway, who kindly agreed to tell us more about women’s mental load. Keep reading on to find her valuable insights down below.

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Dr. Otway tells us that she’s very passionate about raising awareness about how mental load affects women. “Society often expects women to be the organizers, the caretakers, and the ones who keep everything running smoothly.

This is often the case even if the woman/both partners work full time. I’ve also heard the mental load being referred to as a woman's “second shift” after arriving home from her day job, which reflects just how taxing the mental load can be for women,” she says.

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She further explains that the weight of such a burden can be exhausting and overwhelming for any individual and can lead to anxiety, a low mood, or difficulties sleeping or relaxing.

It can also summon resentment in relationships, as women may feel frustrated that their needs aren’t being met while looking after everyone else. “Over time, carrying the bulk of the mental load without help or support can lead to burnout, clinical anxiety, depression, or other serious difficulties,” adds Dr. Otway.

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Some signs that your partner is struggling with a mental burden may include being more impatient, snappy, irritable, overwhelmed, tired, anxious, frazzled, or avoidant of friends, family, or their loved hobbies.

Dr. Otway also mentions, “Of course, these symptoms can also be linked to other conditions, including anxiety or depression, so it is important for a woman to seek professional medical advice if she is regularly experiencing these types of difficulties.”

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According to Dr. Otway, partners or family members can help women secretly struggling with exhausting mental loads by validating their feelings and saying something along the lines of “I’ve been learning about the “mental load” and how women often carry the bulk of household and caring responsibilities. This sounds stressful and unfair, and I wondered if you can relate to this?” Afterward, they might further inquire about the unnoticed responsibilities they've been taking on.

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However, she urges significant others to keep in mind that “sometimes well-meaning partners may try to lighten their partner’s mental load, but in a way that still involves the woman overseeing or managing the task.

For example, a partner may offer to “help” with the laundry but may expect the woman to remind them when to do it, help them choose the correct fabric detergent, load the washing machine, etc.

This is usually well-meaning, but ultimately, it does not lighten the mental load for the woman involved! Ideally, it is more useful if you can completely take care of a task, without needing your partner to manage or oversee it in some way in the longer term.”

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Another strategy Dr. Otway recommends giving a whirl is sitting down together and making a list of tasks that need to be done so the household runs smoothly. Then the couple can find a way to fairly distribute them, including the mental burden that goes with them.

She concludes by saying, “Sharing the mental load and rebalancing the distribution of labor is incredibly important for women's well-being and happy, healthy relationships.”