Star Wars fans felt a disturbance in the force on Thursday as Disney announced that it would be closing its Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser hotel experience at Walt Disney World later this year.
The Star Wars-themed hotel will reportedly take its “final voyage” from Sept. 28-30 before closing its doors permanently.
The intimate, immersive “pretend you’re actually in Star Wars” hotel is stationed right next to Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge at Disney World’s Hollywood Studios.
The hotel just opened last spring but earned quick critiques for its prohibitive pricing. A stay aboard the Galactic Starcruiser could cost patrons around $5,000, which undoubtedly played a part in Disney’s decision to shutter the hotel just year after it opened.
Statement from Disney: "This premium, boutique experience gave us the opportunity to try new things on a smaller scale of 100 rooms, and as we prepare for its final voyage, we will take what we’ve learned to create future experiences that can reach more of our guests and fans." pic.twitter.com/ksGAupGzoH
— Scott Gustin (@ScottGustin) May 18, 2023
Once closed, Disney will have an empty Star Wars-themed hotel just sitting on its property.
Rather than just demolish it and pretend it never existed, we’ve come up with some ideas as to what the Mouse House can do with it.
Option 1: Convert the Galactic Starcruiser into a normal motel and refuse to acknowledge what it used to be
Look, this option might confuse some people, but who cares?
Convert the Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser into, like, a Hampton Inn. Leave every single detail of the hotel the same and just put logos for the Hampton Inn (or whatever motel chain wants to take over) and hire the same staff as if you were opening a nice motel off the interstate.
People will probably come to the desk and ask, “did this used to be like a Star Wars hotel or something?” When they do, motel staff can politely play coy and say they haven’t seen any of the Star Wars movies.
Just tell guests that it’s purely a coincidence that the motel is adjacent to a Disney World theme park with a Star Wars-themed land and on Disney property, give them an extra towel or two for the room and send them on their way.
Option 2: Turn the Galactic Starcruiser into a Spirit Halloween
If Disney really wants to make a little extra money on the side as the Galactic Starcruiser sits there empty in early October, let Spirit Halloween come in seasonally to set up shop.
Halloween nerds will love coming in and shopping for costumes and inflatable skeletons or whatever. Sure, it might be weird to buy this year’s evil clown costume in an abandoned Star Wars-themed hotel room, but weirder things have happened at Spirit Halloween.
Once Halloween is over, just lock the doors until next fall and call it a day.
Someone online already worked up a preview image of what could be.
OMG that was quick! #disney #distwitter #GalacticStarcruiser pic.twitter.com/yQ08Jb9uWy
— Haunts + Bites + Frights (@hauntscene) May 18, 2023
Option 3: Hold Star Trek conventions on the Galactic Starcruiser grounds
If you really want to make some money, invite Star Trek fans (Trekkies, if you will) from all over the country and allow them to gloat on the spot of a gigantic Star Wars-related failure.
A bunch of people dressed in the exact same Spock costume will laugh and laugh at how embarrassing it is that this multimillion-dollar Star Wars hotel will have been open roughly a year and a half before it closed because it was too expensive and probably in hindsight a really bad idea.
It’d give you the same revenue potential of allowing Boston Red Sox fans a chance to celebrate a World Series at Yankee Stadium. Beam up those petty Trekkies and let them rejoice at the fall of the Galactic Starcruiser all while taking money from them to stay at a Star Wars-themed hotel.
Option 4: Give it to one lucky Star Wars fan, Willy Wonka-style
If Disney really wants to get creative, they could hold a global contest by inviting Star Wars fans to buy cartons of blue milk and see if a mini-lightsaber is floating inside.
If you get a mini-lightsaber, you can fly to Orlando where George Lucas, dressed in his finest Jedi robes, will take you on a tour of the Galactic Starcruiser with the promise that one of you will get the hotel at tour’s end.
Along the way, Ewoks will greet the guests and sing behavior-themed songs once one of the guests inevitably does something stupid and gets kicked off the hotel tour.
At the end, one lucky child and their grandparent will win the hotel for showing the goodness of heart, and Lucas will toss them the keys before getting in his Millennium Falcon and speeding away.
Then, a team of Disney lawyers will show up out of nowhere to discuss the terms of owning said hotel and explain Florida’s property tax system.
Option 5: Let nature do its thing
If Disney really wants to just let the building rest abandoned over the years and let nature take its course, things really could get interesting.
Allow plants, wildlife and teenagers who enjoy sneaking into closed buildings to break things to run their course.
In about 40-50 years, go in and see what’s left of it. Reopen it as a Dagobah-themed hotel and put an animatronic Yoda out front to greet guests. They’ll look like geniuses for repurposing the Galactic Starcruiser into a real-life Star Wars experience from another planet.
Just watch out for the swamp monsters.
