Unbelievably, it’s been 25 years since Sex and the City first aired. The six series show about the lives of four 30-something women in New York became one of the hit shows of the late Nineties and early Noughties.
Through the characters of writer Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), gallerist Charlotte (Kristin Davis), PR boss Samantha (Kim Cattrall), and lawyer Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) the groundbreaking series painted a picture of sex and relationships in the Big Apple, by touching on a range of sex-related subjects (such as anal, semen, and performing sex acts) that had never been shown on TV before, and showed the central characters speaking extremely frankly about the ups and downs of dating.
The show also made waves for exploring the way that society essentially ostracizes single women at a relatively young age – a fact that unfortunately hasn’t changed all that much over two decades later.
Today, despite some criticisms about the show’s nearly all-white casting and its focus on privileged women, and despite its audience-splitting efforts to modernise in its spin-off series And Just Like That, Sex and the City is still widely adored.
Here, on the 25th anniversary of the show’s first airing, we pick some of our favourite or most memorable moments.
I’m sorry, I can’t – don’t hate me
SATC fans still have difficulty moving past this scene. Jack Berger, Carrie’s dull-as-dishwater novelist boyfriend, breaks up with her via a post-it note. The ladies are seasoned daters, so it takes a lot for them to be caught out; but they are all bowled over by this psychotic break-up method. A post-it note? The scene felt all too familiar to audiences who have been put through the wringer in their own dating lives.
The Rabbit Vibrator
Over SATC’s six seasons Charlotte’s romantic arc became increasingly simplistic: she was looking for “the one”, and that was really the be-all and end-all and her guiding light. But in the earlier episodes of the show, Charlotte was running a gallery and got up to a lot of fun: she dated some of New York’s most eligible bachelors, went out a lot, and even got addicted to her rabbit vibrator. So much so in fact that she started cancelling plans, didn’t care about men anymore, and became a bit of a recluse. Samantha and Carrie had to make an intervention.
Back in 1998 when SATC first aired, there really weren’t many TV series that showed women talking about sex, let alone the thrills of sex toys, which is one of the many reasons the show became so legendary. It gives this episode a particular energy: there is Charlotte, the WASP-y princess, enjoying a toy that was still somewhat shrouded in shame on TV.
I love you, but I love me more
This was in the movie, not the series, but we felt like it was really worth including because it was the perfect example of Samatha’s version of feminism. She has found a loving partner in Smith Jerrod, but in the end he disappoints her a couple of times and rather than choosing to work through the issues, she chooses to break up and be alone.
“I love you, but I love me more,” she says, and chooses herself. It’s a bold move given that the world is built for two, and many people’s fear of growing old alone. Samantha is the real trailblazer of the series and proves that once again in this memorable exchange.
Splat!
One of the standout scenes of the series was this jaw-dropping moment where a bored It girl, Lexi Featherston, who Carrie has known for years, falls out of a skyscraper. “I’m so bored I could die,” she says, smoking a cigarette out of an open window. And then she does. The shocking event marks the start of Carrie’s move to Paris: Carrie feels like Lexi’s death symbolises the end of an era and it becomes a key factor in her decision to move on to the next part of her life and accept Petrovsky’s offer.
Single and Fabulous?
Carrie is invited to be on the cover of a magazine, with the promised headline of ‘Single and Fabulous’. But after a late night on the town she turns up to the shoot and gets photographed before having her hair and make-up done. The magazine gets published, but the agreed headline now has an additional question mark – which of course changes the whole meaning of the piece. Carrie looks terrible too, with messy hair, huge bags under her eyes, and smoking a cigarette.
It forces Carrie to face up to the questions that have been quietly hounding her. Is she really single and fabulous? Is she fabulous? Is it fabulous to be single?
The up the hmm girl
The first ever episode of the show launched audiences straight in, truly setting the scene for the following drama. The girls are getting a taxi to their night out and are discussing Charlotte’s latest relationship. Her partner would like her to do anal; she doesn’t want to. As each character gets into the car they propose their own solution to Charlotte’s uncomfortable predicament. The taxi driver listens, amused. Carrie even lights up a cigarette “Sir, we’re talking up the butt, a cigarette is in order,” she says. And so the show begins.
He’s just not that into you
He’s just not that into you: a phrase that is so hard to swallow, but which is eventually deeply freeing. No, you didn’t do anything wrong. There was no way you could have manipulated him/her/them to like you, had you worn something different, avoided certain topics, or texted less, or more often. They simply are not that into you. Berger says it to Miranda, who also finds it freeing and goes around the city sharing her new found wisdom. Others are not so grateful to hear her insight.
Big girls don’t cry
Although it’s no longer the case that a woman must “act like a man” – or at least, a stereotypical and old-fashioned idea of “a man” – to get ahead in business, it is still unfortunately the case that emotions can be looked down upon in the workplace. There’s a particularly difficult double standard expected of women: they’re required to be assertive but not abrasive. They’re required to be non-threatening but confident and upbeat.
Which better character to have touch on this topic than Samantha, a character who is wholly confident, and who runs successful businesses throughout the series. Even though the series is decades old, this interview scene still rings so true: Samantha runs to the elevator before Richard can see her emotions forming on her face.
Carrie and Samantha talk judgement
Samantha was the most explicitly provocative character, and not only because she was the character that spoke the most about sex, and had the most sex. It’s also because her actions made her friends – and audiences – reflect on their judgemental ways of thinking about women, sex and relationships.
This has to be one of our favourite examples of this. Carrie has walked in on Samantha performing a sex act on a UPS delivery guy and can’t help but judge her friend. Samantha sticks it to Carrie: “I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want for as long as I can breathe and kneel.” Ha.
The peeing politician
Carrie is dating politician Bill Kelley, but things start to go south when he has a particularly unique sexual request: he’d like her to pee on him while they shower, and Carrie is really not so keen on the idea. After several parched dinners in a bid to ration bladder space, she decides to talk to him about it. “It’s never really been my thing,” says Carrie. Bill reacts badly, saying that some of his people read her column and think it will be bad for his campaign. He doesn’t think he should be dating a sex columnist and so breaks off the relationship.
The scene is particularly memorable because of the number of politicians embroiled in sexual scandal over the years. Then of course ‘golden showers’ cropped up in 2019 following the investigation into the Trump administration’s alleged collusion with Russia.
Have you ever been in love?
SATC fans remain divided over Mr Big, but we have to, reluctantly, say we’re fans. Here is the moment everything changes for Carrie: on a night out, Big picks her up when she can’t get a taxi. Have you ever been in love? she asks him. “Abso-f***ing-lutely,” he replies through his chauffeur-driven car’s window. The shiny dark hair, his mischievous twinkling eyes – of course Carrie is grinning. And so begins the love story that comes to define her life.
