There is no telling what will grip the increasingly ephemeral attention of the internet. Experts do their best to predict it, brands make an effort to plan for it, people wearing suits in boardrooms point at line graphs, attempting with all their might to "forecast" it. But years of social media training and weeks of planning go straight out of the window when suddenly, inexplicably, a CGI-ed pig-man hybrid becomes the biggest influencer on TikTok.
That's the reality of the strange app that has come to define our online culture over the past few years. We are completely at the mercy of TikTok, and if Gen Z's scrolling habits are as weird as our 2007 internet searches, why did we ever expect the trends to be normal? This year we've traversed millennia, from 2023 being designated "year of the girl" to a trend which took us back to 31 BC with the Roman Empire. We've gone high brow (Wes Anderson-ifying our lives) to low brow (men being unable to name more than two women); we've even made something that was once high brow (acclaimed director Martin Scorsese) low brow (by teaching him internet slang like "tea" and "ick").
It's been quite a ride. So here, month by month, is the complete rundown.
January: Flowers by Miley Cyrus
The release of Miley Cyrus’ cryptic break-up single on January 13 launched TikTok back into the discourse with a bang. While the lyrics preached independence and self love, TikTok had different ideas. The app’s users pored over perceived “easter eggs” and references in the single, drawing the conclusion that it was aimed at Cyrus’ ex, Liam Hemsworth.
Among the many TikTok theories was the hypothesis that the song harboured some sly comparisons to “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars, who also happened to soundtrack Cyrus and Hemsworth’s wedding. Mars’ single includes the lyrics “I should have bought you flowers, And held your hand,” whereas Cyrus sings in Flowers: “I can buy myself flowers [...] And I can hold my own hand.” Our appetites for drama were whetted, our thirst for content seemingly unquenchable.
February: Pedro Pascal mania
‘Twas a harsh, cold night in February when the internet discovered Pedro Pascal. Sure, the real ones have been at it since Narcos, but it took time for him to really break through, especially as his major role as The Mandalorian was nearly entirely faceless.
Then The Last Of Us premiered in the new year, Pascal’s face took centre stage, and slowly but surely people came to embrace the Daddy to rule all Daddies. By February he was a TikTok poster boy, with clips of him in previous work - especially a specific LSD-infused scene from The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent - running rife all over the app. By March, videos of him eating a sandwich were being adapted into memes with many millions of views.
March: John Pork is calling
Are you familiar with the theory that playing any Charli XCX or JPEGmafia song to a Victorian child would cause them to simply drop dead? This is the meme equivalent, except you’re trying to explain it to a Boomer. Honestly, even a Millennial would struggle. I’m struggling to explain it to you now, and I’m a Gen Z, but here goes…
The meme followed the format that John Pork, an anthropomorphic pig man influencer, was trying to get in contact with the viewer. Simple as. But then the internet developed lore behind John Pork, who was cancelled, then died. People mourned. TikTokkers created fake obits of Jimmy Fallon wishing him goodbye. The internet is strange. But we knew that already. RIP John Pork.
April: Wes Anderson aesthetic
The Wes Anderson aesthetic took over TikTok in April 2023 after user Ava Williams decided to capture a mundane train journey in the style of the cult American director, ruffling the feathers of film nerds everywhere. But the trend was a hit, and soon everyone was Wes Anderson-ifying everything from their trips to Honest Burger to their baby’s birth (yes, really) along to the soundtrack of The French Dispatch. They were pretty prolific, and by May everyone was really sick of the eye-wateringly intensified saturation every five swipes through their FYP.
May: The return of the Coastal Grandma
Oftentimes trends on TikTok don’t reach their true apex the first time around, but rear their heads later on to a raucous reception. This was true of May’s most prominent trend, the coastal grandma aesthetic, which returned roughly a year on from its inception to inspire TikTok users’ springtime clothing choices once more. To jog your memory, it’s basically about dressing like Diane Keaton in Something’s Gotta Give or Meryl Streep in It’s Complicated. Flowing fabrics, thin knitwear and beige in abundance. Bonus points if you have a house straight out of a Nancy Meyers movie. It will surely raise its head as soon as the temperature rises again in 2024.
June: Attenzione pickpocket!
The best thing to come out of Italy since the Da Vinci Code is Monica Poli, a rogue vigilante TikTokker who alerts tourists in Venice to the fact they’re being pickpocketed. It’s not just that she alerts them, really, it’s how she does it: with the ringing announcement of ATTENZIONE PICKPOCKET, loud enough to scare off the pickpockets and capture the engagement of social media users in one fell swoop. She pickpocketed our hearts in June of 2023, only to be quickly revealed as a far right political councillor months later. Ah, the unrelenting cycle of the internet.
July: Girl dinner
Girl dinner was perhaps one of the most pervasive TikTok trends of 2023, and within weeks it has completed the online feedback loop of creation, cancellation and ubiquity. It started when women on the app began bonding over their shared love of tiny, eclectic meals, usually made up of crackers, fruit and a small amount of cheese. Not so revolutionary, you’d think, but if there’s one thing that traffics well on TikTok it’s relatability, so this not-so-niche niche habit absolutely blew up. Then people said it was glorifying anorexia and disordered eating. Then it just became a funny thing to say any time something vaguely unappetising was put on a dining surface (i.e pointing to a Babybel wrapper and pizza crust on a plate and saying ‘girl dinner’).
August: “More passion, more energy”
Borne from an original clip of a man on the street dancing to another man’s instructions of “more passion, more energy, more footwork,” this TikTok audio became both viral and real-life catnip. Say “more passion” to any passing Gen Z now and they will be able to complete the phrase (a Millennial will likely stumble), If in need, you can use this trick to sneakily identify someone’s age bracket, like a Roman soldier with a watchword. Oh, and speaking of…
September: Roman Empire
If the Oxford dictionary did phrases of the month instead of words of the year, “How often do you think about the Roman Empire?” would be September’s reigning champion. However, it’s now just the right amount of old to have become a bit cringe, so don’t go using this one in the pub to impress your younger mates. A mark of its transience came in the response to Natalie Portman and Paul Mescal’s Variety Actors on Actors interview, where Portman asked Mescal the all-important question, and internet-users joked that she had Googled “Questions to ask a 27-year-old.” Ouch.
October: Scorsese-tok
In October, TikTok was Martin Scorsese’s world, and we were just living in it. More specifically, it was his daughter Francesca’s world, and we were given a window into it. Timed perfectly (and hopefully organically) with the release of Killers of the Flower Moon, Martin Scorsese became TikTok famous for one month and one month only thanks to Francesca’s videos. These included: teaching Martin Scorsese Gen Z slang, getting him to name “feminine items” like eyelash curlers and making him play interactive games where he chooses his favourite movies. They’re adorable, and unlike regular TikTok trends, will hold up for years. Perhaps Francesa Scorsese is this generation’s next great filmmaker.
November: Orange peel theory
If you ever needed proof that TikTokkers are just teenagers discovering basic emotions and exhibiting very little critical thought, the orange peel theory is just that. This theory, which took off in November, was outlined by female TikTokkers explaining to the camera how people should date humans who will peel an orange for them without them having to ask. That’s it, the basic phenomenon of an act of service. Wait ‘til they learn there’s four other love languages. Actually, no, please, no one tell them about that.
December: Name a woman trend
Similar to the Roman Empire trend, this month’s TikTok craze involved creators asking men in their lives to “name a woman,” so they can evaluate the "correctness" of their answer. It's not clear what qualifies as a fail or a pass, but the humour lies in how stumped men become by the very prospect of naming one (one!) woman. Or by their answer seemingly giving away their true feelings, like if they say their wife's best friend's name instead of their wife's name. Play it with the men in your life this Christmas at your own risk.
