Even online shopping can turn into a doom scroll. So for this Cyber Monday, as antithetical as it may sound, I’m proposing an Amazon shopping list to encourage the chronically online to get off their devices and (in the nicest possible way) touch at least some proverbial grass.
*Ahem* We at The Mary Sue are aware that many are participating in a boycott of companies like Amazon and Target this holiday season. To paraphrase Captain Barbossa, this list is just guidelines.
What’s it going to take you to go for a walk, take up a new craft or hobby, and talk to a fellow human being about your passions IRL instead of getting in TikTok comment fights over fandom discourse you were not put on this Earth to see? I have some ideas. Whether you’re buying gifts for someone you’d like to quietly encourage to get out of their shell, or challenging yourself to get off the internet, here’s what to get.
Start your day with pour-over coffee from Copper Cow.
Let me start this list off with a WOC-owned company that makes delicious individual pour-over coffees and lattes. I’m a big fan of Copper Cow and these little packets. The hands-on ritual forces me to put my phone down first thing in the morning and focus on the beverage I’m preparing. Even a few brain quiet moments like that go a long way.
Do your morning puzzles by HAND with PEN and PAPER.
Instead of the Wordle, do the Murdle! Get it? If you’re starting to feel like social media is making your stupid (it’s not just me, right… please say it’s not just me) I can’t recommend logic problems enough. Sure, there are plenty of great brain teaser and/or word game apps. I use many of them myself. But eliminating the screen makes it even better. The puzzles in this book series are murder mysteries too, so you can activate and train your inner Benoit Blanc.
Noise-canceling headphones for introverts.
Don’t want to be disturbed when you’re outside? A podcast you really want to lock in and finish and/or an audiobook from the library is a great motivator for getting up off the couch and going for a walk. All you need is the right accessory to help you block out not all, but part of the real world. There are a lot of headphones on sale, but these from Beats are one of the better deals.
Have your own bonfire night with a backyard fire pit.
This is a bit of a splurge, even with the Cyber Monday sale. But not a bad investment, when you think about how nice it is to sit around the fire with friends. Play games together. Roast marshmallows. Listen to music. Tell scary stories. Go around the circle and have everyone recommend their hyperfixation. Even if you just sit in silence with other people and watch the flames crackle, that’s a night well spent.
A good pair of boots to keep the trek from taking you out.
I’m not saying that you need to go on a hike. But if your goal is to get out more in 2026, you have to start somewhere. It’s not the flashiest shopping suggestion, but aching feet will turn you into a hermit real quick. Proper shoes can prevent that. Since it is currently winter, I also have to promote wearing wool socks. Even more boring, sorry, but effective!
The Bushcraft Survival Skills Series Boxed Set
Again, I’m not telling you to go camping or climb a mountain. That’s not for everybody. But do you tend to get lost down Wikipedia rabbit holes? Addicted to video essays on YouTube? Why don’t we redirect that energy and thirst for learning towards books that will teach you how to thrive in the wilderness. Then, if and when you do venture out or find yourself in a Lost or The Walking Dead or Yellowjackets scenario, you’ll be an expert and an asset. Be the Misty Quigley you want to see in the world!
Prepare in advance for summer with a discounted pool float.
Just six more months, and you can inflate this bad boy and get horizontal in the pool with a good book. The hood and built-in phone packets are catering to the terminally online. But that’s fine. You’re in the sun! You’re on the water! You’ve earned some screen time.
Occupy your hands with a craft for beginners.
I have to watch a lot of television and movies for work. (Also, twist my arm, I love it and would be doing it anyway… put your tiny violins away.) The point is, touching grass is not always an option for me. But what I can control is the second screen experience. I shouldn’t be watching Pluribus and playing Two Dots at the same time. I know better. Creative crafts and tasks like coloring, lego building, knitting and/or crochet are a great way to stay off your phone while watching television. Look at these little guys! Meditative and adorable.
Get a better night’s sleep with an eye mask.
As a chronically online person, I know that it sometimes f*cks with your sleep schedule. Sorry if I’m up late watching videos, reading fic, or having an existential crisis because of a tweet I saw. (This is my way of making you think I’m young before I unveil this extremely old lady-coded gift idea.) Maybe you should use Cyber Monday as an excuse to invest in a sleep mask. I used to be a skeptic. They used to make me feel claustrophobic. But I’ve recently come around, partially because I know that once the mask is on my phone is done for the day. Well, after I check this one thing…
Turn your nights in into a dance party.
Fine! You win! Buy a video game, you indoor cat! You nerd! (Just kidding!) But the new Just Dance is out, and it’s marked way down this Cyber Monday, ergo I can’t not endorse it. At least you’re on your feet. This game is genuinely good exercise, and loads of fun. The song list includes Chappell Roan, Sabrina Carpenter, “All Star” by Smash Mouth randomly, more than one Dua Lipa and Lady Gaga song, Doechii’s “Anxiety,” a Bluey medley, and the Macklemore and Ryan Lewis song “Thrift Shop” for some other reason. Dance like nobody’s watching, because in this case that’s… actually your situation.
(featured image: Universal Pictures)
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